Saturday, April 25, 2009

Craving

Hahaha so you know how we have a craving for some food or drink sometimes? Weeeeeell right now, I'm craving hard for a mocha frappacino from the starbucks within the barnes and nobles nearby. So good!!!! Sweet, cold ( good for a hot day like today), and just plain yummy! XD

I've had this craving like, for a week or two already... maybe I should go out JUST to get it ^^. haha that reminds me. last summer, I was REALLY craving for some icecream.... or milkshakes... or mccflurries form mcdonalds...mmmmmmmmm XD. I always wanted it, even after I got it! XD In fact, I wouldn't mind having a mcflurry right now!!! hahaha

hmmm thinking back, I've had craving for a lot of foods and drinks.... mostly sweet stuff =D. I like sweets! though, I'm not really a fan of the hard candies. They're alright though.

haha mocha frappacinooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! =)

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Tough

haha I don't really act tough.

But I'm a guy, maybe I should? I don't know. I've never really found it necessary to act tough... I mean, asides from when I'm having a hard time with something. I mean, simply being tough, as if acting tough as part of who I was.

Since I was... young, I've always given into... almost everything. Always listening to what other people say, without disagreeing or stating my own beliefs. Or letting myself get put down too easily. haha letting myself get a bit bullied be girls (though I don't think that's a truly bad thing. I mean, in a way, being "bullied" has made things more interesting and fun haha).

But I'm glad to say, that I've become more tough. I've improved in a few other ways too I'm glad to say. I can stand up for myself. I don't get nervous easily anymore. You could say I have a better hold on myself. Like, when people say "get a hold of yourself!!!" Like that. ^^ I don't panic as much anymore, and I don't become overwhelmed too easily as well.

Being tough doesn't mean that you act like a jerk or act all gangsta. It doesn't mean that you curse or talk tough or say lewd or mean things. It doesn't mean that you dress a certain way, believe in certain things, or anything little like that. Being tough means so much more than that.

I guess it all comes down to confidence in the end. You have to believe in yourself. You have to support your beliefs, whatever they may be, and talk and act with confidence.

If you don't, you may feel that you're... shrinking. People can walk all over you, and you may end up beating yourself up over something just because you didn't have the guts to do or say anything. Of course, there are times that you may be wrong. Maybe the thing you thought was right, wasn't right at all. Maybe you were wrong to ever believe something. But you can't let a fear of being wrong keep you from having confidence in yourself. When you're wrong, you're wrong. No big deal. If you find out you were wrong about something, well, then you just learned a new thing. No one is perfect, and no one is always right. Or perhaps you are always wrong... does it matter? is being wrong really that big of a deal? what's wrong with being... wrong? That doesn't mean that you can't learn to be right! That doesn't mean that you should hide from society. And that DEFINITELY doesn't mean that you should stop believing in yourself. Because if you don't believe in yourself at least a little bit, it'll be hard to be happy. You can't be overconfident either. What I've mentioned earlier in this paragraph can apply to overconfidence as well as under-confidence. You aren't always right. It's really important to be able to accept that you can be wrong, no matter how much you believe otherwise.

I believe that being tough means that you have confidence in yourself. Not too much confidence (overconfidence) and not too little (under-confidence). If you can lead your life with confidence, I believe that you can truly see the world... and yourself in a better, brighter light...

Running

Whew!

My hands are kinda exhausted from that last post, but I don't wanna stop just yet.

I've always had the idea that it would nice to just run. Not run away from anything, but just run... to explore, see new things, and more. If I could, and if I felt like it, I think it would be nice to run wherever I want. Through towns, down roads, across fields, through building, along paths, reaching places I've never seen, heard of, or cared to imagine!!!

I think that would be great!!! I could really get a chance to take in my surrounding, and nature too!!! The sky, the weather (good or bad), the people, the sites, the buildings, everything!!! To see it all while moving on my own two feet, it seems like something that could make someone feel... so alive! and happy too! ^^

haha though, I have a few injuries on my right leg and probably wouldn't be able to run too long despite my excited mindset. But even if I was just walking around, ohhhhhhhhhh the things I could see!!! Curious following a path, exploring... its like an ADVENTURE!!! XD

Once I'm in college, I think I'll try to find time to job around the town or look around at... everything around me. I think if I do this, no matter how many times, I would always get a smile on my face.

4/23/09

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell today was a basic, everyday, normal, day.

though, obviously, there are a few differences... =D

haha where to begin... let's start at school.

I have AP econ first. which I'm failing in, big time. As always, I just sat there for the whole period. Didn't fall asleep this time. blegh, not that it really mattered since I never do a single thing in that class. Today was a bit interesting though since we went on a tangent about how jobs are doing in the world right now. I was especially interested in the talk about doctors, since thats what I kinda hope to be one day. I relearned the fact that medical school is very expensive... and that the number of doctors are diminishing. haha there weren't a lot of people in class today,, like in the other days (due to field trips and stuff), this time for the chorus festival trip thing. Anyways, after class for the first time all year, my teacher actually talked to me about me grades in his class, problably because I've been doing even worse than usual. That talk passed by pretty fast.

In the past, I would've taken a talk like that kinda hard and gotten all stressed or depressed for a little bit. But nowadays, I've learned how to deal with adults pretty well, on the outside and the inside. No more nervousness. I just act receptive and appropriate. I guess I should try harder in that classs now, or else things might turn out really bad. But I've never gotten econ... then again, its the only class I've really slacked off in, hardly even trying. But the reason why I didn't try to begin with originates from last year... which I'll write about some other day.

Anyways, I listened to "No Reason" by a punk band, Sum 41, to get my mind off the talk, and headed to english. haha I was kinda surprised to see a friend of mine, AG ( or XG) coming toward me in the hallway. I walked up to her and she was like "what?" haha. though, all I wanted to say was hi. ^^ I said "good morning" and went on to english. haha that kind brightened my mood a bit.

In english class, my unique teacher talked about how our class was the most talkative and interrupting of all the classes, which I admit, is kinda true... gossiping girls and talkative ppls. But its not like I don't like them haha. they make things in that boring class a bit interesting. we conntinued a practive thest we started yesterday and I actually did a lot of the questions pretty quickly. Guess that goes to show you how much a person who sleeps exceeds a person who doesn't. haha cuz every other time I've worked on these things, I've worked really slow... cuz I was sleepy ^^. She gave us some annoying, pointless hw assignments... again... ^^"... and then I was off to stat class.

Recently, I've been doing worse in stat too. The class has gotten kinda needlessly hard and I didnt have any resources that I could use to study from. I miss the time when we'd go over the hw, so I knew how to do the stuff. lol but I'm managing. That class is always interesting thanks to some of the most talkative students in my grade. Always cracking jokes and making interesting comments, and the teacher is pretty recpetive and kind, so things pretty much work out well, making the class fun-ish. =D

Next was gym... fitness daaaaaaaaay. ugh had to walk around the track on a windy day. Not good for a guy with messed up hair like mine. ^^" to make things worse, a bunch of my firends weren't there since it was their lab day, and a underclassman girl (XG) I know has health right now. So I was stuck with a... female friend (NM) of mine. I've known her for a while but I've never really connected with her. Because of this, I kinda miss the old days where she would always poke fun at me haha. Oh well, at least I had conversations with her. In one talk, we talked about jobs, she wants to go into business and ideally go to a bunch of places, find out what people want, and report back to her company so it can act based on her observations. sound interesting. I talked with her about the medical field too. And this talk made me realize even more the maybe a job in the medical field might not work out so well for me. I think I really gotta look into it more. Money, work, and other things are just some of the stuff I gotta look at.

My next class was AP Bio, and my teacher finally came back from her illness. I had fun while she was gone though, visiting lunch periods, talking to a friend of mine (YU). Today, we just took notes again.

After class, I went to my locker as always and prepared to meet a friend of mine that I had seen ealier today, XG. I usually talk to her then, and a little later in the day. I also see another underclassman I know, EW, and sometimes a dude named DU, but they were on the chorus trip. Anyways, XG had a favor to ask of me today. She wanted me to print out her sonnet english assignment for her. I said I would and I saw her off to her history class. haha when I saw her, I was reminded of when I saw her yesterday in all black clothes (cuz she went on a band trip) and a new bag she told me about haha. that was an amusing memory. Wellllllllll I went to the lunch room, wher I have lunch with HG, LU, S...N?, and DN. Things are a bit boring there. LU and SN are like, best friends, and talk to each other most of the time. DN and HG, are unfortunately, kinda distant from me. For some reason, I can never really connect with them.

I wish I could connect better with a lot of people. I feel that I don't really have any close friends. I just have... friends...but more on the surface than the inside. It makes me really sad. I hope I can make close friends in college.

AOSEHtawiuehr. Enough with the depressing typing. Anyways, HG asked me if I wanted to go to an asian night (like china night) thing at some school. I said okay. We all got in a pretty good conversation about movies and other stuff. yay!!! XD

After lunch, I went to find XG but failed. I guess I missed her somehow? haha I kinda wonder why I can't find her sometimes. Anyways, I hung with LU an bit, met with LO, and headed to the english hallway, where XG and my accounting class was. As I thought, XG was magically in her english class already. so fast!!! haha so, I walked in, put the paper on her desk, and smiling all the while, waved at her teacher and left. I think XG thanked me. ^^

In accounting, we did some annoying work again. And as always, I talked to LO about how things were going for her. Apparently, she made up w/ one of her old friends but had cut off ties with the other two... That made me sad. Why can't they just make up. I don't know the whole situation but from what I've heard, they're just being stubborn. Then again, I've never had a friend get mad at me before... hope I handle that well when it happens.

oh haha and LO was kinda high on allergy medication. rofl

Anyways, after class, I made the daily walk w/ LO to her english class, which is kinda on the way to my calc class. but on the way, I saw XG come out of her classroom and while smiling, said in a kinda energetic voice: "hey, thanks!" XDXDXD

haha That made me happy!!! =D Thing like that make me smile, inside and out. I said "your welcome" and continued on my way.

haha apparently, LO's english teacher ran out cuz his baby was due!!! good luck to him!!!! haha kinda coincidental since today was "bring your kid to work day" for the teachers. haha cute kids. nice! ^^

Finally, I came to my last class of the day. Took long enough ^^. I've been doing better in this class lately, and in bio too! (some hard classes). Yay!!! XD haha my calc teacher's been telling me that I've been improving... in front of other ppl. So I felt happy and a bit embarrassed at the same time haha. Well, I tediously made it through that class and got ready to leave school.

I learned that one of my friends had made a petition for my calc teacher, cuz the school was being horrible and possibly casting out teachers. But she lost the petition paper b/c some kid lost it. Hope she gets it back!!! ><

Well, I came home, wasted a bit of time, and was finally able to bring myself to start this post. haha pretty long, but I've always wanted to write about what I did in a day. Isn't that blogs and stuff are for? lol.

Today was a nice, sunny, cool day. I hope the rest of my days are great! =)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Fragile Friendships

Friendships... I think that they are wonderful... that they should be cherished as one of the most important things in life... that they should never be truly broken.

But recently, I've heard about a few friends of mine who are having a problem... that I think they shouldn't be having at all. If they just came clean with one another instead of letting their anger, pride, and other useless things (useless at this time I mean), I truly believe that they can come to understand one other. Instead, they're being... well, stubborn and... dumb. Instead of trying help each other get a better understanding of why the problem started and how they really feel about it, they're just trying to defend themselves from accusations that they ALL should know are false, and trying to prove that they are right and the other person is wrong.

When did friendships become so fragile, that even the dumbest, littlest things could make them fall apart? Why can't people remember what's important and just get over the issue without taking such a long time, if they even get over it at all.

I mean, these friends were friends for YEARS.... and they're letting something come between them... and when graduation is coming up too. Never to see one another like they used to, it makes me cry inside knowing that they might not be able to bring back what they had... just because they're so... so...

I believe that if there's a problem concerning friends, you better do something about it, instead of just leaving the problem alone, suffering all the while. If you feel you don't hang out as much with someone, find a way to hang out. If you think something is up with someone, maybe you should think about confronting him/her. If you want to sort things out with a friend, you better actually sort it out instead of making each other angry and not even getting closer to recolving the issue.

My friends... I can't say for sure, but I feel that they're being too dang PRIDEFUL!!! UGGGGH. prides good and all but it's kinda impeding the problem solving process. I really feel that if they all just listened to one another WELL, without forcefully disagreeing with statements or being weak and saying "its not like that" or "no..." and so on. STUBBORNNESS gets in the way as well.

... I really want these friends of mine to make up, and I wish I could be a part of their talk so I can help sort things out. but... I guess all I can do is hope for the best.

haha I guess I'm thinking about others too much? I don't know... but I don't think this trait of mine is a bad thing. but more on that some other day ^^

To my friends out there. I hope all of your friendships will benefit you, make you happy, and only get stonger with time. =)

Despite what I've seen and heard I still believe that problems within a friendship can bring friends closer together.

Wishing

I believe that if you wish for something hard enough, your wish will come true.

Whether you're wishing upon a star, praying to God, wishing on a full moon, making a birthday wish, or just saying "I wish this would happen," if you want it enough, I think you can get your wish.

I believe that you can only get what you wish for if you either want it a lot or if you want it for long enough. I don't someone can get their wish too easily. Only by wishing for something over and over or by desperately wanting a wish to come true will it really happen.

There are some people who wish for fate to give them something they cannot possibly ever have. But there are also people who work hard to make their wishes come true. Other people, my self included, make a wish that follows both cases. They wish for something they COULD achieve, but want help in making come true. I guess what they say is true sometimes, you can wish all you want but it you yourself do not do anything, your wish may never come true.

haha but there are people who just wish for a random thing on a whim and get what they want... but I don't believe that this is a case of a "wish coming true." I think its more likely that those people are just lucky or are in a position where their whimsical wish is hardly impossible.

No one should underestimate the power of wishing. I believe what they say about being careful of what you wish for. I mean, no one should make a bad wish, like wishing someone was hurt or dead. Wishes are something great.. special... and should not be tainted by someone's negative emotions or thoughts. But if you make a good wish... a truly desired, beneficial wish... you shouldn't give up on it, at least not too easily. A person's wishes make someone hopeful for the present and for the future. They give people something to work for, something to keep them going in life. And you never know. Your wish may come true.

Dark Days

lol when I say dark days, I don't mean like days where a bunch of bad stuff happens or like, the end of the world and stuff. I'm talkin about your everyday, gray-skied, gloomy days.

It not that I dont like these kinda days, though I do prefer sunnier weather. the only time I would really want gray-skied days like these is when its snowing too ^^. I always feel like taking a nap of days like these... and don't feel like doing work :D. haha though I'm sure there are people out there who like weather like this.

I guess its kinda harder to be in a bright mood as well. not that I'm mad or sad on these days, but I feel like my aura of happiness is being suppresed by the gloomyness of the settings. Yes, that was the best way to explain my feelings... =D