Goodbye Bryers! =)

Well, today, I went to the Bryer's surprise retirement present. I thought it was really nice. Truly, truly nice. I mean that earnestly. Haha I think that's the write word. ^^

The Bryers are two married teachers who have been teaching AP US History (APUSH) for so many years. Mr. Bryer teaches APUSH I and Mrs. Bryer teaches APUSH II. I took both of their classes.

I left 8th pd a bit early and headed to the auditorium, because the plan was for everyone participating in the gift to sing "For Good" from the show Wicked. Haha I didn't go to the rehearsal the day before, but a lot of people didn't.

I originally went because I wanted to attend the event because I simply felt like it and wanted to see what would happen. Also, I felt that it would be interesting. I'm really glad I went. It was a really touching and spectacular time. I think it went absolutly great!

The reason I was kinda skeptical to go was because ever since I got a 2 on my APUSH exam, I had always feared the Bryers a bit... cuz back when I was taking APUSH II, Mrs. Bryer said " If you get a 5: super happy, if you get a 4:great, if you get a three: Eh, okay, If you get a 2: Mr. Bryer and I won't talk to you again, and if you get a 1: ...yeaaaaa. It was a joke... but I kinda felt that it was serious and let it get to my head. So during all of junior year, I avoided any contact, like eye contact, with them. I kinda feel like that made my standing with the Bryers even worse, not that I was a memorable studnet or anything, but even so...

But going to today made everything better. When I got there, I met up with some of my friends and talked a bit. Soon, everyone went onto the stage and got behind the curtain after getting a copy of the song to read from. We all mobbed behind the curtain. Haha we were pretty unorganized, but we got our act together just in time for the Bryer's entrance. The huge mob was filled with shhs and positioned itself on the stage in a good fashion.

Haha I heard someone on the microphone say something along the lines of "well Mr. and Mrs. Bryer, a few of your friends wanted to do something for you, and worked together to give you a gift." The curtain openned and there we were, all of us in the Bryer's line of sight. We walked forward, and the chorus members attending the event walked onto the stand that they use for their concerts. After all, the chorus members were the pros, a lot of us had to lip sync or use the chorus as a guide for the singing. Haha a lot of us never even heard the song before ^^".

And so, we started to sing... I thought the song was very fitting for this moment. The lyrics talked about how we learned from them and changed for the better... and how we were glad to have met them. We didn't sound bad. The singing was splendidly great! =)

When we were done, we all stepped down and sat in the auditorium seats. Some people went straight to the Bryers to meet with them. Mrs. Bryer was so touched that she was crying =). Mr. Bryer was calm, but you could tell that he was really touched too. I guess an event this great was able to affect the two tough teachers. After we all got settled down, a slide show was started. Made by two girls named Julie and.. J...something ^^", the show was filled with jokes, music, touching lines, numerous pictures of the school faculty and the Bryers over the years... it was really well made, and VERY good.

Haha after that, a few people chanted: Speech, speech, speech!!! So, Mr. Bryer took the mike, haha and said "um.. do I need this?" haha cus he could speak loudly. Everyone laughed, and Mr. Bryer was like, "I heard that haha" to some kid who said something. He spoke while Mrs. Bryer continued to wipe her tears.. of joy... thanking us for what we had done... how we, the students had brightened their lives as we had brightened theirs... about how he felt that we were all Peter Pans... and would stay the same age that we were when we graduated, though they knew this wasn't true... and how he was truly moved, happy, and thankful. I think his voice softened a few times... the reason being that he was as touched as Mrs. Bryer was, and so happy that he was close to shdding tears of joy =)

Then Mrs. Bryer took the mike. She had calmed down enough to speak, and continued on what Mr. Bryer said, thanking us and telling us how much she appreciated everything that was done, there and over the years... how their past students in college and etc had also attended the event... how she and Mr. Bryer would talk about their students at home... how despite being old, seeing all of the kids energized her husband and herself... and that though they may be exhausted by the end of the day, it was a good tired... She broke down a bit at the end, and wiped her eyes as she sat down.

Haha so just when things were settling down a bit, a lady wheeled out a table with two big cakes on it!!! =) The Bryers stepped onto the stage, met with their teacher friends and approached the cake. Then, all of us mobbed towards the steps, into a line where we waited to meet, one by one, with the Bryers to say a few words.

The line was slow, but it was nice. I talked to some of my friends. EE (girl), HG (who was high haha. She poked me like crazy at one point, and leaned her head of me and other ppl), EE (boy), AZ, AH (who slapped NU a few times playfully hard on the arm for joking about how Mrs. Bryer was a bit of a boring teacher compared to the comical Mr. Bryer), and a few other people.

Staying in the line was kinda fun, and some unexpected things happened. Haha the slapping thing and the leaning head thing, on my shoulder and back, which really made my heart beat fast (lol nervous when anything like that happens... how I react to girls sometimes... ^^") I already mentioned. A Sun (her real last name, which I typed cuz I might not know who I'm talking about if I read this poste again since I don't know her very well) wrapped her arms around me and said "guess who!?" haha which was a nice surprise. Ahh it was nice. We all talked, made some jokes, and had a good time together.

Haha when we got to the front of the line, I saw my friend YI hug Mr. Bryer. Haha she's so light. Mr. Bryer actaully picked her up off the ground, and I think that was what YI was going for too. Haha I saw a few other kids say some words to Mr. and Mrs. Bryer and hug and give them handshakes too. When nodoby went up to Mr. Bryer, someone pushed me out. haha :D. I walked up to him smiling, and we shook hands. He said something like, "Keep it up Nick, good luck in life!" Happy to hear his words, I said "Thank you! Thank you for teaching all of us!"

Then, after waiting for a few people to finish talking to Mrs. Bryer with EE (girl) who soon joined me in waiting, I walked up to her and got a hug. Haha I admit I was dissapointed when Mr. Bryer didn't give me a hug, though I didn't expect one from either of them since I wasn't a close student with them, but since other people got hugs, I was kinda expectant and envious I guess ^^". But that feeling went away after Mrs. Bryer's hug. Haha I think she said "thank you, have a happy life." I told her "thank you, I hope you have a happy life too!"

Then, I walked up to the table, and got a piece of cake. Haha when my friends and I headed out to the commons, we all had fun talking... and putting icing on each other's faces hahahaha. We had to wash it off in the bathrooms. LOL plus, our mouths were green from the icing :D.

Afterwards, we all had some fun talking, walking around inside and outside, and more. Haha Me, EE (girl) and HG went outside and found EE (boy)... with HG's bag!!! hahaha He had taken it. Lol it was by lucky chance that we went outside and noticed him hahaha. The four of us eventaully went inside and played around in the pit. Soon, EE (girl) had to leave, and I thought the other two were starting to leave too, so I said bye, and headed to my bag.

Then she appeared with a friend of hers. Who is "she"? Well, who else but XG! XD Haha I passed by her and patted her on the shoulder friendily, and walked away... only to hear her coming up behind me!!! hahaha I thought this might've happened, but I thought it was unlikely hahaha. She was like "touch my arm ehhh??" hahaha joking and smiling, but still on her way to kick or beat me haha playfully, but playfully painful nevertheless hahaha. And so, I ran! XD hahaha It's been a while since I've had XG chase me around like that ^^. It was fun. I avoided some of her kicks as usual, and was able to avoid a few direct hits though still got hit lightly-ish hahaha. I stayed with her for a little bit. Haha while her friend was on the phone, I used her as a shield as XG was chasing me, spinning her around as XG tried to come around her to get to me hahaha. XG's friend didn't mind. Speaking of XG's friend, I think I met her before, which made me feel awkward for not recognizing her, and for saying "nice to meet you" when I left.

Haha soon, I separated from XG and her friend to call my mom. After I ahd done that, I spent the time that my mom takes to pick me up to get alex back for kicking me. I sneaked up behind her and poker her sides haha. Afterwards, she and her friend talked about the friend's powerpoint or "powderpoint" (inside joke I didn't understand). During that time, I covered XG with her friend's jacket whick she jokingly said was diseased. I said "well now you have the disease!!! :D" as I covered her head with it. Lol She playfully tried to scratch me like a kitty haha, and I did what my friends do and turned off her compy screen and tried to unplug stuff lololol.

Oh! She was wearing a really bright yellow shirt today!!! It was nice!!!! =) Haha apparently, her friends forced her to get it at the mall one day. I'm glad they did, she needs more bright clothes :). Haha so, I checked the time, and realized it was time to go, so I said good bye and left the library. Me and HG (who was with EE (boy); I thought they had left, guess not ^^") waved at eachother on my way out and I went home, content with my time aftershool that day... with the surprise gift for the Bryers, and my fun time with my friends after school =)

Mother's Day

So this year's mother's day was pretty good. My friend of mine, E... dangit I keep forgetting her last name ><. Sorry!!! Well, I picked her up from her house (after getting lost for 20 minutes cuz I THOUGHT I knew how to get there... I didn't) and drove to the Commons.

We were originally gonna go to the mall w/ XG, but she couldn't make it...but we still needed to get gifts so we went out! :D We went to this store... forgot the name... Amanda's? It was some furniture and candles and tableware and stuff. We looked around and I decided to get my mom a scented candle since we used up all the ones we had at home. My mom uses them to make the smell of asian food dissappear hahaha. After contemplating on the price and the smell of the candles, I finally chose one that was pretty cheap, had an okay scent, and was big. Lol then, I went to D and helped her chose some cups and bowls.

I don't remember when, but at some point, I got a small box of Godiva chocolates in addition to the candle cuz I felt that the cndle wasn't enough lol. So I drove D home and went home myself... only to have to drive my bro to the Commons -.-" lol. He wanted to study for the Bio SAT w/ his friends in B&N and buy a Mother's day gift while he was there. Lol he bought a big cup w/ some message on it.

Lol I had a pretty fun time w/ D. I hope she had fun w/ me too =).

So when I got home after picking up my bro from B&N, we gave my mom her gifts. I think that went really well. My ACTUALLY did something for my mom on mother's day, and my mom was happy. Hahaha lol so it all worked out ^^

Lol My Stern Face is Kinda Back

Wow, that was fast.

I have really bad timing sometimes. I finally lose my forces stern face, and then I go through Project Crash, a program for high school seniors about car crashes from drinking, which I guess made me put on a sad face rather than a stern one. But it kinda set up my face to become stern since the next day, I had to deal with another bad conversation with my mom. Now my stern face is kinda back. I can like, 1/3 force it. AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh well. I guess if can do really good, fun things, I'll lose it again and feel happier, and if bad, aggravating or w/e things happen, then it'll come back. In both situations, I'd probably lose/gain it bit by bit lol.

I hope I can be happy... just really happy. Haha who doesn't right? I know. But I just think it's great to be so happy, so good with one's life, that even one's face is relaxed and happy. =)

How I Prepared for AP Exams

I didn't

But I should have.

But I ended up waiting to the very last day to do the bulk of my studying for both exams. Which is why I canceled one of them. I was originally supposed to take three exams... but I was utterly unprepared for it. I canceled my calc exam, and I guess its good that I did, cuz I would've failed if I had taken it. But then again, I did pretty bad on the rest of my exams.

I don't know. I was pretty stressed about it, and couldn't even study on the last day. Though it's not a bad anymore, I have a habit to stress out about tests and not even be able to sit myself down at my desk chair and read the textbook. I just can't bring myself to do it. It's like something inside my is infecting my body, and stopping it from just doing the work.

I MUST get rid of this by college. I hope I can make myself study for finals. I kind feel like I shouldn't even try since it's my senior year and all, and my grades are bad, but good enough to pass. But I know that I still have to do an okay job with them... unfortunately. I hope I can do alright.

I Don't Want to Forget You

A friend of mine once said that she wished this year never happened. She also said that she wished that people would forget all about her.

But I don't want to forget her.

She's an important friend on mine, and REALLY helped me in my life, and she doesn't even know it. Haha I'll go on about what I just said when I blog about my depression.

But really, she's a good person. I just wish she thought that too. I wish I could help her out, and I would if she wanted me to.

I just wouldn't want to forget about her. I'm just speechless at her words sometimes. When she talks about how much she doesn't like this year and etc, I'm saddened, because this is the year that I met her. Though, she did say that this year was filled with the most happiness and sadness in her life. I'm glad about the happiness part, but sad to know that there was more sadness than happiness. I want to do things to make her happy. I really wish I could help her out, like she helped me.

I try to be a good friend to her, and I hope that she likes me as a friend. I REALLY hope that the time I have with her makes her happy, because making her happy is one of my wishes.

My Present Self

I once read something my friend wrote about how much my friend liked her present self. As for me, I like my present self a lot. Though I am really lacking in the work ethic area.

I'm more confident and don't get overwhelmed by even work AS much anymore. I can take a stand and act like I want better now.

I'm still pretty positive. Maybe not as blissfully positive as I was in the past... but I think I'm more positive in a refined, mature way... kinda like that. Ahhhhhhhh in either case, I'm still dumbly positive, but I like that.

I'm finally over all of my major insecurities and my past. FINALLY. Plus, I've toughened up mentally, so I'm not bothered by whatever anymore.

However, due to my physical injuries, I've become a lot weaker and fatter. The pores on my face are still huge and my hair is still annoying (though I got it cut ans straightened, so it's good for now :D). I also feel that I have less patience nowadays. I feel it, but I haven't shown it yet. Also, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to being on the verge of saying a curse word. Before, my mind would like, condemn curses in my thoughts... but now, that is steadily weakening... not good. But on that note, I've always found that I'm kinda restricted by my lac of saying curses and lewd things. Like, my friends make so many of those kind of jokes and bring up topics where talk like that is necessary, but I'm always silent.

Well, even so, saying lewd things and curses isn't something I really want to do.

Haha I've also become better socially. I'm talking better with more friends, though I could still use some work. Still quiet sometimes, but not AS quiet :D

lol I like how I've finally mentally toughened up the most. I can go through life without being bothered by things as much anymore. It's allowed my to enjoy myself and just be plain okay with myself. =)

My Mind is Being Mean to Me Lately

So, I think I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that there's a girl I have in mind.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, she's still there... unfortunately. A while ago, I did my best to get her out of my mind and heart. lol did I say that before? Well, I am, because there is no way she likes me like that, I think she likes someone else, and I STILL don't know if she's already with someone. I thought that the best thing to do here would be to just move on.

BUT

My mind won't let me. I was actually making good progress when my mind started hitting me with all these thoughts, ideas, and imagined situations about the girl. Like, my mind would just drift off and think of things about her and then I'd be like, "AUGH!!! Stop it!!! That'll never happen DX." Yeaaaaa it's pretty bad.

The thing that really stopped my progress was one of my friends. She basically and blatantly says that she thinks this girl likes me. And ever since then, my friend's words have been haunting my mind!!! And soon enough, one thing is leading to another and I'm constantly thinking that "msybe she DOES like me" or "could she really like me after all" and etc.

One time, I saw her and after having more troubling thoughts in my head, just thought, "AUGH I should just forget about her!!!" as I drove away in my car. But when I turned on the radio, the song that was playing was a song about love... then I changed the station and it was playing I think "We Should be Together"... -.-" and then when I was like, "okay, there's no way that a THIRD love song is gonna come up"... I change the station and it's playing "Over My Head" by the Fray. And I'm like, "okay, there's no love related things in that title."... But THEN... THE LYRICS BASICALLY POINTED TOWARDS LOVE!!! And I was like ARRRRRRRGH!!!!!

Yeaaaaaaaa seriously, that's totally like a TV moment in real life. It's like in a sitcom when a character is tryig to not think of love and the he/she turns on the TV or radio and a show or song on love comes up. Seriously hahaha what are the chances?!?!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaa so I don't know what to do know. I guess I'll just have to keep trying to get her out of my head. Maybe it's true what they say. Maybe you don't get over someone until you find someone else.

I guess the previous person I liked was different, cuz I ended up liking her because I thought she was someone she wasn't. I was able to get over her pretty fast I think.

But this girl... I actually know her kinda well I think... and so... yea. Having some trouble here. ><" Haha idk. When it comes to having a girlfriend, I've always thought that wouldn't have one until I got into college. And though I think this is most likely, I can't help but be weak against the girls I've liked over the years... which is only two... or one... which is this one... and the first one didn't count lol

Haha a few years ago, I was kinda liking on a few girls, but I don't think I like liked them. Truthfully, I think me having friends who are girls for the first time was just too new to me.

But now is different. I guess I'll just be honest with myself.

I like this girl

She is very interesting and I always have an out of the ordinary time with her... which I like.

She is nice...pretty... and I really wish I could help her out with the numerous problems she's having, but if I tried, I would be overstepping my boundaries as simply a friend. And that wouldn't be good. Might be forcingmyself on her or something?

Ugh. I guess it's just going to take some time to get over this girl. This girl... who I like... and hope who likes me a lot... even if it is just a friend.