So this year's mother's day was pretty good. My friend of mine, E... dangit I keep forgetting her last name ><. Sorry!!! Well, I picked her up from her house (after getting lost for 20 minutes cuz I THOUGHT I knew how to get there... I didn't) and drove to the Commons.
We were originally gonna go to the mall w/ XG, but she couldn't make it...but we still needed to get gifts so we went out! :D We went to this store... forgot the name... Amanda's? It was some furniture and candles and tableware and stuff. We looked around and I decided to get my mom a scented candle since we used up all the ones we had at home. My mom uses them to make the smell of asian food dissappear hahaha. After contemplating on the price and the smell of the candles, I finally chose one that was pretty cheap, had an okay scent, and was big. Lol then, I went to D and helped her chose some cups and bowls.
I don't remember when, but at some point, I got a small box of Godiva chocolates in addition to the candle cuz I felt that the cndle wasn't enough lol. So I drove D home and went home myself... only to have to drive my bro to the Commons -.-" lol. He wanted to study for the Bio SAT w/ his friends in B&N and buy a Mother's day gift while he was there. Lol he bought a big cup w/ some message on it.
Lol I had a pretty fun time w/ D. I hope she had fun w/ me too =).
So when I got home after picking up my bro from B&N, we gave my mom her gifts. I think that went really well. My ACTUALLY did something for my mom on mother's day, and my mom was happy. Hahaha lol so it all worked out ^^
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Lol My Stern Face is Kinda Back
Wow, that was fast.
I have really bad timing sometimes. I finally lose my forces stern face, and then I go through Project Crash, a program for high school seniors about car crashes from drinking, which I guess made me put on a sad face rather than a stern one. But it kinda set up my face to become stern since the next day, I had to deal with another bad conversation with my mom. Now my stern face is kinda back. I can like, 1/3 force it. AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Oh well. I guess if can do really good, fun things, I'll lose it again and feel happier, and if bad, aggravating or w/e things happen, then it'll come back. In both situations, I'd probably lose/gain it bit by bit lol.
I hope I can be happy... just really happy. Haha who doesn't right? I know. But I just think it's great to be so happy, so good with one's life, that even one's face is relaxed and happy. =)
I have really bad timing sometimes. I finally lose my forces stern face, and then I go through Project Crash, a program for high school seniors about car crashes from drinking, which I guess made me put on a sad face rather than a stern one. But it kinda set up my face to become stern since the next day, I had to deal with another bad conversation with my mom. Now my stern face is kinda back. I can like, 1/3 force it. AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Oh well. I guess if can do really good, fun things, I'll lose it again and feel happier, and if bad, aggravating or w/e things happen, then it'll come back. In both situations, I'd probably lose/gain it bit by bit lol.
I hope I can be happy... just really happy. Haha who doesn't right? I know. But I just think it's great to be so happy, so good with one's life, that even one's face is relaxed and happy. =)
How I Prepared for AP Exams
I didn't
But I should have.
But I ended up waiting to the very last day to do the bulk of my studying for both exams. Which is why I canceled one of them. I was originally supposed to take three exams... but I was utterly unprepared for it. I canceled my calc exam, and I guess its good that I did, cuz I would've failed if I had taken it. But then again, I did pretty bad on the rest of my exams.
I don't know. I was pretty stressed about it, and couldn't even study on the last day. Though it's not a bad anymore, I have a habit to stress out about tests and not even be able to sit myself down at my desk chair and read the textbook. I just can't bring myself to do it. It's like something inside my is infecting my body, and stopping it from just doing the work.
I MUST get rid of this by college. I hope I can make myself study for finals. I kind feel like I shouldn't even try since it's my senior year and all, and my grades are bad, but good enough to pass. But I know that I still have to do an okay job with them... unfortunately. I hope I can do alright.
But I should have.
But I ended up waiting to the very last day to do the bulk of my studying for both exams. Which is why I canceled one of them. I was originally supposed to take three exams... but I was utterly unprepared for it. I canceled my calc exam, and I guess its good that I did, cuz I would've failed if I had taken it. But then again, I did pretty bad on the rest of my exams.
I don't know. I was pretty stressed about it, and couldn't even study on the last day. Though it's not a bad anymore, I have a habit to stress out about tests and not even be able to sit myself down at my desk chair and read the textbook. I just can't bring myself to do it. It's like something inside my is infecting my body, and stopping it from just doing the work.
I MUST get rid of this by college. I hope I can make myself study for finals. I kind feel like I shouldn't even try since it's my senior year and all, and my grades are bad, but good enough to pass. But I know that I still have to do an okay job with them... unfortunately. I hope I can do alright.
I Don't Want to Forget You
A friend of mine once said that she wished this year never happened. She also said that she wished that people would forget all about her.
But I don't want to forget her.
She's an important friend on mine, and REALLY helped me in my life, and she doesn't even know it. Haha I'll go on about what I just said when I blog about my depression.
But really, she's a good person. I just wish she thought that too. I wish I could help her out, and I would if she wanted me to.
I just wouldn't want to forget about her. I'm just speechless at her words sometimes. When she talks about how much she doesn't like this year and etc, I'm saddened, because this is the year that I met her. Though, she did say that this year was filled with the most happiness and sadness in her life. I'm glad about the happiness part, but sad to know that there was more sadness than happiness. I want to do things to make her happy. I really wish I could help her out, like she helped me.
I try to be a good friend to her, and I hope that she likes me as a friend. I REALLY hope that the time I have with her makes her happy, because making her happy is one of my wishes.
But I don't want to forget her.
She's an important friend on mine, and REALLY helped me in my life, and she doesn't even know it. Haha I'll go on about what I just said when I blog about my depression.
But really, she's a good person. I just wish she thought that too. I wish I could help her out, and I would if she wanted me to.
I just wouldn't want to forget about her. I'm just speechless at her words sometimes. When she talks about how much she doesn't like this year and etc, I'm saddened, because this is the year that I met her. Though, she did say that this year was filled with the most happiness and sadness in her life. I'm glad about the happiness part, but sad to know that there was more sadness than happiness. I want to do things to make her happy. I really wish I could help her out, like she helped me.
I try to be a good friend to her, and I hope that she likes me as a friend. I REALLY hope that the time I have with her makes her happy, because making her happy is one of my wishes.
My Present Self
I once read something my friend wrote about how much my friend liked her present self. As for me, I like my present self a lot. Though I am really lacking in the work ethic area.
I'm more confident and don't get overwhelmed by even work AS much anymore. I can take a stand and act like I want better now.
I'm still pretty positive. Maybe not as blissfully positive as I was in the past... but I think I'm more positive in a refined, mature way... kinda like that. Ahhhhhhhh in either case, I'm still dumbly positive, but I like that.
I'm finally over all of my major insecurities and my past. FINALLY. Plus, I've toughened up mentally, so I'm not bothered by whatever anymore.
However, due to my physical injuries, I've become a lot weaker and fatter. The pores on my face are still huge and my hair is still annoying (though I got it cut ans straightened, so it's good for now :D). I also feel that I have less patience nowadays. I feel it, but I haven't shown it yet. Also, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to being on the verge of saying a curse word. Before, my mind would like, condemn curses in my thoughts... but now, that is steadily weakening... not good. But on that note, I've always found that I'm kinda restricted by my lac of saying curses and lewd things. Like, my friends make so many of those kind of jokes and bring up topics where talk like that is necessary, but I'm always silent.
Well, even so, saying lewd things and curses isn't something I really want to do.
Haha I've also become better socially. I'm talking better with more friends, though I could still use some work. Still quiet sometimes, but not AS quiet :D
lol I like how I've finally mentally toughened up the most. I can go through life without being bothered by things as much anymore. It's allowed my to enjoy myself and just be plain okay with myself. =)
I'm more confident and don't get overwhelmed by even work AS much anymore. I can take a stand and act like I want better now.
I'm still pretty positive. Maybe not as blissfully positive as I was in the past... but I think I'm more positive in a refined, mature way... kinda like that. Ahhhhhhhh in either case, I'm still dumbly positive, but I like that.
I'm finally over all of my major insecurities and my past. FINALLY. Plus, I've toughened up mentally, so I'm not bothered by whatever anymore.
However, due to my physical injuries, I've become a lot weaker and fatter. The pores on my face are still huge and my hair is still annoying (though I got it cut ans straightened, so it's good for now :D). I also feel that I have less patience nowadays. I feel it, but I haven't shown it yet. Also, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to being on the verge of saying a curse word. Before, my mind would like, condemn curses in my thoughts... but now, that is steadily weakening... not good. But on that note, I've always found that I'm kinda restricted by my lac of saying curses and lewd things. Like, my friends make so many of those kind of jokes and bring up topics where talk like that is necessary, but I'm always silent.
Well, even so, saying lewd things and curses isn't something I really want to do.
Haha I've also become better socially. I'm talking better with more friends, though I could still use some work. Still quiet sometimes, but not AS quiet :D
lol I like how I've finally mentally toughened up the most. I can go through life without being bothered by things as much anymore. It's allowed my to enjoy myself and just be plain okay with myself. =)
My Mind is Being Mean to Me Lately
So, I think I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that there's a girl I have in mind.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, she's still there... unfortunately. A while ago, I did my best to get her out of my mind and heart. lol did I say that before? Well, I am, because there is no way she likes me like that, I think she likes someone else, and I STILL don't know if she's already with someone. I thought that the best thing to do here would be to just move on.
BUT
My mind won't let me. I was actually making good progress when my mind started hitting me with all these thoughts, ideas, and imagined situations about the girl. Like, my mind would just drift off and think of things about her and then I'd be like, "AUGH!!! Stop it!!! That'll never happen DX." Yeaaaaa it's pretty bad.
The thing that really stopped my progress was one of my friends. She basically and blatantly says that she thinks this girl likes me. And ever since then, my friend's words have been haunting my mind!!! And soon enough, one thing is leading to another and I'm constantly thinking that "msybe she DOES like me" or "could she really like me after all" and etc.
One time, I saw her and after having more troubling thoughts in my head, just thought, "AUGH I should just forget about her!!!" as I drove away in my car. But when I turned on the radio, the song that was playing was a song about love... then I changed the station and it was playing I think "We Should be Together"... -.-" and then when I was like, "okay, there's no way that a THIRD love song is gonna come up"... I change the station and it's playing "Over My Head" by the Fray. And I'm like, "okay, there's no love related things in that title."... But THEN... THE LYRICS BASICALLY POINTED TOWARDS LOVE!!! And I was like ARRRRRRRGH!!!!!
Yeaaaaaaaa seriously, that's totally like a TV moment in real life. It's like in a sitcom when a character is tryig to not think of love and the he/she turns on the TV or radio and a show or song on love comes up. Seriously hahaha what are the chances?!?!
Yeaaaaaaaaaaa so I don't know what to do know. I guess I'll just have to keep trying to get her out of my head. Maybe it's true what they say. Maybe you don't get over someone until you find someone else.
I guess the previous person I liked was different, cuz I ended up liking her because I thought she was someone she wasn't. I was able to get over her pretty fast I think.
But this girl... I actually know her kinda well I think... and so... yea. Having some trouble here. ><" Haha idk. When it comes to having a girlfriend, I've always thought that wouldn't have one until I got into college. And though I think this is most likely, I can't help but be weak against the girls I've liked over the years... which is only two... or one... which is this one... and the first one didn't count lol
Haha a few years ago, I was kinda liking on a few girls, but I don't think I like liked them. Truthfully, I think me having friends who are girls for the first time was just too new to me.
But now is different. I guess I'll just be honest with myself.
I like this girl
She is very interesting and I always have an out of the ordinary time with her... which I like.
She is nice...pretty... and I really wish I could help her out with the numerous problems she's having, but if I tried, I would be overstepping my boundaries as simply a friend. And that wouldn't be good. Might be forcingmyself on her or something?
Ugh. I guess it's just going to take some time to get over this girl. This girl... who I like... and hope who likes me a lot... even if it is just a friend.
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, she's still there... unfortunately. A while ago, I did my best to get her out of my mind and heart. lol did I say that before? Well, I am, because there is no way she likes me like that, I think she likes someone else, and I STILL don't know if she's already with someone. I thought that the best thing to do here would be to just move on.
BUT
My mind won't let me. I was actually making good progress when my mind started hitting me with all these thoughts, ideas, and imagined situations about the girl. Like, my mind would just drift off and think of things about her and then I'd be like, "AUGH!!! Stop it!!! That'll never happen DX." Yeaaaaa it's pretty bad.
The thing that really stopped my progress was one of my friends. She basically and blatantly says that she thinks this girl likes me. And ever since then, my friend's words have been haunting my mind!!! And soon enough, one thing is leading to another and I'm constantly thinking that "msybe she DOES like me" or "could she really like me after all" and etc.
One time, I saw her and after having more troubling thoughts in my head, just thought, "AUGH I should just forget about her!!!" as I drove away in my car. But when I turned on the radio, the song that was playing was a song about love... then I changed the station and it was playing I think "We Should be Together"... -.-" and then when I was like, "okay, there's no way that a THIRD love song is gonna come up"... I change the station and it's playing "Over My Head" by the Fray. And I'm like, "okay, there's no love related things in that title."... But THEN... THE LYRICS BASICALLY POINTED TOWARDS LOVE!!! And I was like ARRRRRRRGH!!!!!
Yeaaaaaaaa seriously, that's totally like a TV moment in real life. It's like in a sitcom when a character is tryig to not think of love and the he/she turns on the TV or radio and a show or song on love comes up. Seriously hahaha what are the chances?!?!
Yeaaaaaaaaaaa so I don't know what to do know. I guess I'll just have to keep trying to get her out of my head. Maybe it's true what they say. Maybe you don't get over someone until you find someone else.
I guess the previous person I liked was different, cuz I ended up liking her because I thought she was someone she wasn't. I was able to get over her pretty fast I think.
But this girl... I actually know her kinda well I think... and so... yea. Having some trouble here. ><" Haha idk. When it comes to having a girlfriend, I've always thought that wouldn't have one until I got into college. And though I think this is most likely, I can't help but be weak against the girls I've liked over the years... which is only two... or one... which is this one... and the first one didn't count lol
Haha a few years ago, I was kinda liking on a few girls, but I don't think I like liked them. Truthfully, I think me having friends who are girls for the first time was just too new to me.
But now is different. I guess I'll just be honest with myself.
I like this girl
She is very interesting and I always have an out of the ordinary time with her... which I like.
She is nice...pretty... and I really wish I could help her out with the numerous problems she's having, but if I tried, I would be overstepping my boundaries as simply a friend. And that wouldn't be good. Might be forcingmyself on her or something?
Ugh. I guess it's just going to take some time to get over this girl. This girl... who I like... and hope who likes me a lot... even if it is just a friend.
AP Tests
I failed. Plain and simple.
I didn't get my results back, but I'm pretty sure I did horribly.
Like, on the essay portions of the bio and english exams I took, my essays were SOOOOOOOO bad. I didn't even know what to write for some of them!!! OMG seriously, I really don't want the results of my exams to ever come out... but they will.
However, I'm a senior, so bad AP tests don't really matter. On the other hand, my english and bio teachers still get to see my score. And I really, REALLY don't want them to see my score, and possibly ask me about it. The thought of it is enough to stress me out. I tried to ask my guidance counselur to cancel it, but I kept missing her. When I finally DID find her, it was too late to cancel them. Guess I didn't try to find her hard enough.
Oh well. Nothing I can do now except wait for the impending doom that won't really affect me in any huge way. Scratch that. It will affect me. But I don't wanna worry about it right now. I'm really tired about worrying about things that you can't change. For a while now, I've decided to be sad and regreful for a BIT, but afterwards, forget about it and focus on other things. Worrying endlessly is pointless and kills you on the inside. And after years of doing that to myself, I've gotten myself to stop pretty well :)
I didn't get my results back, but I'm pretty sure I did horribly.
Like, on the essay portions of the bio and english exams I took, my essays were SOOOOOOOO bad. I didn't even know what to write for some of them!!! OMG seriously, I really don't want the results of my exams to ever come out... but they will.
However, I'm a senior, so bad AP tests don't really matter. On the other hand, my english and bio teachers still get to see my score. And I really, REALLY don't want them to see my score, and possibly ask me about it. The thought of it is enough to stress me out. I tried to ask my guidance counselur to cancel it, but I kept missing her. When I finally DID find her, it was too late to cancel them. Guess I didn't try to find her hard enough.
Oh well. Nothing I can do now except wait for the impending doom that won't really affect me in any huge way. Scratch that. It will affect me. But I don't wanna worry about it right now. I'm really tired about worrying about things that you can't change. For a while now, I've decided to be sad and regreful for a BIT, but afterwards, forget about it and focus on other things. Worrying endlessly is pointless and kills you on the inside. And after years of doing that to myself, I've gotten myself to stop pretty well :)
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
5/22/09
So, I never blogged about this pretty good day. Haha for starters, it was a half day, and even thought this was the day of the english class situation I mentioned earlier, it was still good and fun ^^.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I stayed afterschool and hung out with my friends. At one point, I was thinking about going home. SO glad that I decided to stay. Haha so here's what happened. Me, EE (girl), HG, and EE (boy) walked out toward the parking lot, and then, I think HG and EE (boy) wanted to go to the beach!!! Haha sooooooooooooooooooooo I took EE (girl) along and off we went!!!! :D
Haha EE (girl) didn't even know where the car was heading. All she knew was that she'd be back in time for her track meet. Hahaha. So I got shotgun and the two grils were in the back. We listened to songs off EE (boy)'s ipod cuz he had this cool cable that went from his ipod to his car. We all sang to the songs, though I sang softly haha. Not exactly and good singer... and don't exactly know all the lyrics to songs either hahaha.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO We soon got there, though we had to deal with some traffic. OMG I hadn't been to the beach in a looooooong while. Haha it was a bit cloudy and windy, and the water was FREEZING!!!! Like, 1 seconds after my feet were in the water, I was running around like mad, to warm them up! hahaha. Ahhhhh We walked along the shore, ran around, and had a pretty good time. I skipped a few rocks, while EE (girl) picked up pretty rocks to put in her fishtank at home. EE (boy) and HG hung out together for most of the time, while me and EE (girl) ran around energetically for like, the whole time hahaha. Omg, it was fun!!! XD I talked a bunch with all of them. =D
Haha I talked a lot w/ EE (girl) since we were being energetic and the other two were taking their time walking behind us. ^^ Haha we walked on on of the big congregations of big, gray rocks. Lol I took 2 pictures there and put them on facebook later. lol the first one I took looked like a seen in a movie or something hahaha. Haha while we were there ED called cuz allof us except EE (girl) were supposed to go to the A&P to buy senior prom flowers. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut apparently, we couldn't make it cuz we were too far away. So, we decided to just buy the flowers w/o ED. This changed later though.
XDXDXD So we hung out at the beach a bit more... chasing seagulls... OH there were baby seagulls!!! OMG they were so small hahaha. It was funny to watch EE (girl) chase seagulls too. lol so eventually, it was time to head back for EE (girl)'s track meet... a bit late actually hahaha. We quickly drove back to school, arriving like, RIGHT on time (4). Haha so after dropping off EE (girl), the three of us left for the A&P. Haha I kinda felt awkward cuz only the two of them really talked. oh, me and HG switched placed for the return trip. Haha which reminds me of how I got to spend some time back there with EE (girl). Hahaha she took a nap on the way to the beach and on the way back too. Lol she used my backpack as a pillow. It was nice to just hang with her too. I think I've been getting along really well with her lately. =) I've been getting along a bit better with a lot of ppl actually. yay! =)
So, when we got to the A&P, we waited in front of the counter for buying flowers... but no one was there. like, a minute later, LG called me and asked what I was up to. I told him and it turns out ED was with him... IN B&N!!!!!!!!! Hahaha right across the street!!! lol so they met up w/ us like, 10 minutes later... and still, no one came to the counter!!! haha though the three of us did have fun w/ the balloons on sticks that was near by hahaha.
So eventually, we had to ask an employee to get the counter person. She came over and took our flower orders. After that, EE (guy) dropped me off at home, and LG and ED went off somewhere. Haha though, LG called me when I got home to see if I wanted to hang our for like, another hour before we all went to the Melting Pot, but, I was like, naaaaaaaaah cuz we would run out of time before we knew it and I had to be home cuz I was getting a ride from EU to the Melting POT.
Haha so EU accidently overslept, and picked me up kinda late, and the bit of congestion on the road didn't help lol, so we got there like, 20 minutes late hahaha. Haha our friends who were already there kept calling us to ask where we were lol.
Soooooooo the Melting Pot was a pretty fancy place. High tech equipment, clean, wines, and fancy... assortments hahaha. It was a fondue place, for like, dipping stuff into cheese and chocolate and stuff. Haha I had a pretty good time there. It was me, LG, ED, YU, AN, EE (girl) who came late cuz of her meet, and AH. Haha the food was pretty fancy... and gooooooooooooood. Shrip and meat and pork and stuff.... apples, cheese with other stuff, fried and boiled pot things... yea. goooooooooooooooood. Hahaha it was pretty fun! We all talked and learned how to eat fondue food!!! XD
So what you do it use a long fork utensil, securely stab the piece of food onto the pointy fork end and dip the food into the... dipping.... pot.... lol and eat the food w/o touching it with your mouth. Easy enough. Eventually, (there were two dipping pots in the table) the waiters brought out one pot for us to cook in oil, and one pot for us to fry our food in after dipping the food into some sauce.
Haha it was good. AHHHHHHHH it was good... but at one point, I accidentally took AN's fork, and ate the food on it!!! ><" AHHHHHHHH it was an accident!!! The color of her fork (cuz the handles of all of our forks were different) looked like mine under the light. I guess I didn't look closely ><><><. Sooooooooo after we all realized her fork was missing, we al realized what happened and then AN gave me this evil glare!!! AUUUUUUUGH!!!! I apologized a lot and covered my red face w/ the desert menu I happened to be looking at. ^^" Ahhhhhhh she kept glaring for a while and complained about how she wanted the shrimp of hers I ate... which was actually the last shrimp. >< SORRY AN!!!
haha but I think I redeemed myself a bit in her eyes, not that she really thought what happened was a big deal. I don't think she really cared that much. Like after we ate most of the desert, there was only one piece of a particular desert left, so I asked AN if she wanted to have it. Lol she smiled and said no thanks, and said that I became obedient. Thanks? hahaha well, w/e. At least I she seemed okay with me now. I really think she was. XD
Haha the desert was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. like half of us ate desert from one pot which had a mix of white and dark chocolate to dip brownies, cheesecake, and marshmellows into, and the other half (including me) dipped the same foods into a pot with a dip of SMORES!!!! Chocolate and graham crackers!!! OMG. SO GOOOOOOOOOD. Haha I dipped marshmellows into it, FINALL completing my wish of eating smores. XDXDXD. I ate a lot of the remaining chocolate in the pot too. Hahaha sweet tooth!!! I felt really full afterwards... but it was worth it :D
Haha so soon enough, we all went outside. YU, AH, ED, and AN left together cuz they were al going to Philly for the 3 day weekend to hang out together haha lucky!!! The rest of us stayed and walked around for a bit to digest. We soon got bored, and decided to drive back to holmdel and to the park to hang out some more.
Haha but when we got there, the park was already closing down, and we got kicked out by the park rangers. hahaha. I talked to LG on my cell and we decided to head to B&N to hang out for a bit longer. Soooooooo EU dropped me off at my house cuz he wanted to go home and take nap and I drove myself to the Commons.
I met with them inside B&N. Haha but I had to search for them for a bit. lol I would've got the super good, sweet mocha frappachino at the starbucks there, but I was too full from the chocolate hahaha.
We walked around for a bit while RE (her nick name) asked her mom if she could stay out longer. Her mom told her that she had to be home by... 9:30 I think. Lol so we kept walking, and that's when I told them about the problem I had with those security things that are near the entrances of any store. The thing that beeps if you're stealing something.
Weeeeeeeell the problem with me was that I beeped... almost ALL the time hahaha. Entering or exiting, I kept triggering the alram system. Hahaha this problem made things interesting when I hung out with my friends. On the other hand, I had deal with some employees for a few seconds... oh and just the fact that I beeped (when I was alone) bothered me lol.
Haha so RE suggested that maybe my wallet was the problem. So, I put all the things in my wallet through the security system thing near the music section of B&N and nothing happened... until I walked through it hahaha. The employee at the counter said that maybe there was a sticker from another store in my wallet! Haha and she found it!!!! o.o ... XD
After struggling to get the sticker out, the employee gave me back my wallet. I thanked her wand returned to my friends. Hahaha turns out that the sticker was in this REAAAAAAAAAALLY well hidden place. ^^" Haha in the past, an employee there had told me that maybe there was a sticker on my pants lol. Now I know why I never found one. :D
Haha this situation led to some funny talks. =D
So we spent about an hour at the Commons. After FINALLY solving my beeping problem, the three of us went out, walked a bit, and sat on a bench. Haha LG layed on the bench, and RE sat... on his chest hahaha. The only way he could breath was to tighten his torso muscles hahaha. It's fun to watch these kind of things hahaha.
So eventually, the three of us sat on the bench, and spent like, 30 minutes there talking and laughing. I checked my watch a few times, and really, it seemed like time was going really slowly. Which was good, cuz it meant having more time to enjoy our time there :)
Soon enough, it was time to go. And so, we all went home. I had a lot of fun =)
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I stayed afterschool and hung out with my friends. At one point, I was thinking about going home. SO glad that I decided to stay. Haha so here's what happened. Me, EE (girl), HG, and EE (boy) walked out toward the parking lot, and then, I think HG and EE (boy) wanted to go to the beach!!! Haha sooooooooooooooooooooo I took EE (girl) along and off we went!!!! :D
Haha EE (girl) didn't even know where the car was heading. All she knew was that she'd be back in time for her track meet. Hahaha. So I got shotgun and the two grils were in the back. We listened to songs off EE (boy)'s ipod cuz he had this cool cable that went from his ipod to his car. We all sang to the songs, though I sang softly haha. Not exactly and good singer... and don't exactly know all the lyrics to songs either hahaha.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO We soon got there, though we had to deal with some traffic. OMG I hadn't been to the beach in a looooooong while. Haha it was a bit cloudy and windy, and the water was FREEZING!!!! Like, 1 seconds after my feet were in the water, I was running around like mad, to warm them up! hahaha. Ahhhhh We walked along the shore, ran around, and had a pretty good time. I skipped a few rocks, while EE (girl) picked up pretty rocks to put in her fishtank at home. EE (boy) and HG hung out together for most of the time, while me and EE (girl) ran around energetically for like, the whole time hahaha. Omg, it was fun!!! XD I talked a bunch with all of them. =D
Haha I talked a lot w/ EE (girl) since we were being energetic and the other two were taking their time walking behind us. ^^ Haha we walked on on of the big congregations of big, gray rocks. Lol I took 2 pictures there and put them on facebook later. lol the first one I took looked like a seen in a movie or something hahaha. Haha while we were there ED called cuz allof us except EE (girl) were supposed to go to the A&P to buy senior prom flowers. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut apparently, we couldn't make it cuz we were too far away. So, we decided to just buy the flowers w/o ED. This changed later though.
XDXDXD So we hung out at the beach a bit more... chasing seagulls... OH there were baby seagulls!!! OMG they were so small hahaha. It was funny to watch EE (girl) chase seagulls too. lol so eventually, it was time to head back for EE (girl)'s track meet... a bit late actually hahaha. We quickly drove back to school, arriving like, RIGHT on time (4). Haha so after dropping off EE (girl), the three of us left for the A&P. Haha I kinda felt awkward cuz only the two of them really talked. oh, me and HG switched placed for the return trip. Haha which reminds me of how I got to spend some time back there with EE (girl). Hahaha she took a nap on the way to the beach and on the way back too. Lol she used my backpack as a pillow. It was nice to just hang with her too. I think I've been getting along really well with her lately. =) I've been getting along a bit better with a lot of ppl actually. yay! =)
So, when we got to the A&P, we waited in front of the counter for buying flowers... but no one was there. like, a minute later, LG called me and asked what I was up to. I told him and it turns out ED was with him... IN B&N!!!!!!!!! Hahaha right across the street!!! lol so they met up w/ us like, 10 minutes later... and still, no one came to the counter!!! haha though the three of us did have fun w/ the balloons on sticks that was near by hahaha.
So eventually, we had to ask an employee to get the counter person. She came over and took our flower orders. After that, EE (guy) dropped me off at home, and LG and ED went off somewhere. Haha though, LG called me when I got home to see if I wanted to hang our for like, another hour before we all went to the Melting Pot, but, I was like, naaaaaaaaah cuz we would run out of time before we knew it and I had to be home cuz I was getting a ride from EU to the Melting POT.
Haha so EU accidently overslept, and picked me up kinda late, and the bit of congestion on the road didn't help lol, so we got there like, 20 minutes late hahaha. Haha our friends who were already there kept calling us to ask where we were lol.
Soooooooo the Melting Pot was a pretty fancy place. High tech equipment, clean, wines, and fancy... assortments hahaha. It was a fondue place, for like, dipping stuff into cheese and chocolate and stuff. Haha I had a pretty good time there. It was me, LG, ED, YU, AN, EE (girl) who came late cuz of her meet, and AH. Haha the food was pretty fancy... and gooooooooooooood. Shrip and meat and pork and stuff.... apples, cheese with other stuff, fried and boiled pot things... yea. goooooooooooooooood. Hahaha it was pretty fun! We all talked and learned how to eat fondue food!!! XD
So what you do it use a long fork utensil, securely stab the piece of food onto the pointy fork end and dip the food into the... dipping.... pot.... lol and eat the food w/o touching it with your mouth. Easy enough. Eventually, (there were two dipping pots in the table) the waiters brought out one pot for us to cook in oil, and one pot for us to fry our food in after dipping the food into some sauce.
Haha it was good. AHHHHHHHH it was good... but at one point, I accidentally took AN's fork, and ate the food on it!!! ><" AHHHHHHHH it was an accident!!! The color of her fork (cuz the handles of all of our forks were different) looked like mine under the light. I guess I didn't look closely ><><><. Sooooooooo after we all realized her fork was missing, we al realized what happened and then AN gave me this evil glare!!! AUUUUUUUGH!!!! I apologized a lot and covered my red face w/ the desert menu I happened to be looking at. ^^" Ahhhhhhh she kept glaring for a while and complained about how she wanted the shrimp of hers I ate... which was actually the last shrimp. >< SORRY AN!!!
haha but I think I redeemed myself a bit in her eyes, not that she really thought what happened was a big deal. I don't think she really cared that much. Like after we ate most of the desert, there was only one piece of a particular desert left, so I asked AN if she wanted to have it. Lol she smiled and said no thanks, and said that I became obedient. Thanks? hahaha well, w/e. At least I she seemed okay with me now. I really think she was. XD
Haha the desert was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. like half of us ate desert from one pot which had a mix of white and dark chocolate to dip brownies, cheesecake, and marshmellows into, and the other half (including me) dipped the same foods into a pot with a dip of SMORES!!!! Chocolate and graham crackers!!! OMG. SO GOOOOOOOOOD. Haha I dipped marshmellows into it, FINALL completing my wish of eating smores. XDXDXD. I ate a lot of the remaining chocolate in the pot too. Hahaha sweet tooth!!! I felt really full afterwards... but it was worth it :D
Haha so soon enough, we all went outside. YU, AH, ED, and AN left together cuz they were al going to Philly for the 3 day weekend to hang out together haha lucky!!! The rest of us stayed and walked around for a bit to digest. We soon got bored, and decided to drive back to holmdel and to the park to hang out some more.
Haha but when we got there, the park was already closing down, and we got kicked out by the park rangers. hahaha. I talked to LG on my cell and we decided to head to B&N to hang out for a bit longer. Soooooooo EU dropped me off at my house cuz he wanted to go home and take nap and I drove myself to the Commons.
I met with them inside B&N. Haha but I had to search for them for a bit. lol I would've got the super good, sweet mocha frappachino at the starbucks there, but I was too full from the chocolate hahaha.
We walked around for a bit while RE (her nick name) asked her mom if she could stay out longer. Her mom told her that she had to be home by... 9:30 I think. Lol so we kept walking, and that's when I told them about the problem I had with those security things that are near the entrances of any store. The thing that beeps if you're stealing something.
Weeeeeeeell the problem with me was that I beeped... almost ALL the time hahaha. Entering or exiting, I kept triggering the alram system. Hahaha this problem made things interesting when I hung out with my friends. On the other hand, I had deal with some employees for a few seconds... oh and just the fact that I beeped (when I was alone) bothered me lol.
Haha so RE suggested that maybe my wallet was the problem. So, I put all the things in my wallet through the security system thing near the music section of B&N and nothing happened... until I walked through it hahaha. The employee at the counter said that maybe there was a sticker from another store in my wallet! Haha and she found it!!!! o.o ... XD
After struggling to get the sticker out, the employee gave me back my wallet. I thanked her wand returned to my friends. Hahaha turns out that the sticker was in this REAAAAAAAAAALLY well hidden place. ^^" Haha in the past, an employee there had told me that maybe there was a sticker on my pants lol. Now I know why I never found one. :D
Haha this situation led to some funny talks. =D
So we spent about an hour at the Commons. After FINALLY solving my beeping problem, the three of us went out, walked a bit, and sat on a bench. Haha LG layed on the bench, and RE sat... on his chest hahaha. The only way he could breath was to tighten his torso muscles hahaha. It's fun to watch these kind of things hahaha.
So eventually, the three of us sat on the bench, and spent like, 30 minutes there talking and laughing. I checked my watch a few times, and really, it seemed like time was going really slowly. Which was good, cuz it meant having more time to enjoy our time there :)
Soon enough, it was time to go. And so, we all went home. I had a lot of fun =)
I've Lost... My Stern Face
So when I tried to make a stern face in english class today... I found that... I couldn't
OMG, I actually couldn't
This is big news, seriously. Like, just a few months ago, I was able to make myself look stern, like during times when my parents were bothering me by talking to me about stuff. But... I CAN'T MAKE THAT FACE ANYMORE!!!!
And that's when I realized... I've been so happy lately, that... I've lost the ability to make my face look/feel stern. Like, moving my face around to make myself look stern doesn't feel natural anymore!!! o.o I was kinda shocked. My face muscles... feel relaxed, not tense like they are when I'm in a less then good mood.
I...I just can't make my face stern... I can't believe it... I guess... I've become accustomed to the good things in my life. I haven't had a real bad time with my parents, I've been hanging out with my friends like mad, I don't get bad grades (cuz I haven't taken a test in a while), I haven't had much schoolwork... all these things together (but mostly the time w/ friends thing) have made me... happier =)
It's kinda strange... but I don't think that this is really a bad thing.
Haha My mom has told me in the past to stop looking so stern, but I kept saying that a stern face was my default face after all the years of annoying stuff I've had to deal with. But a few years back, I've tried to give off a more happy appearance. Like, keep my eyes more that half open, relax my face muscles, and smile more.
haha I've gotten pretty good at my happy appearance. I guess this ia part of the reason why I lost my forced stern look. lol the only drawback is that I ALWAYS smile when I start to talk w/ my friends, so I'm worried that I might unconciously be smiling when we're talking about a bad or sad topic. ^^" I'm working on that now. Getting more facial expressions... being more relaxed with myself and others, adults, peers, random passerbys, everyone.
I guess this is one thing that I can list for how I've changed myself for the better. =)
OMG, I actually couldn't
This is big news, seriously. Like, just a few months ago, I was able to make myself look stern, like during times when my parents were bothering me by talking to me about stuff. But... I CAN'T MAKE THAT FACE ANYMORE!!!!
And that's when I realized... I've been so happy lately, that... I've lost the ability to make my face look/feel stern. Like, moving my face around to make myself look stern doesn't feel natural anymore!!! o.o I was kinda shocked. My face muscles... feel relaxed, not tense like they are when I'm in a less then good mood.
I...I just can't make my face stern... I can't believe it... I guess... I've become accustomed to the good things in my life. I haven't had a real bad time with my parents, I've been hanging out with my friends like mad, I don't get bad grades (cuz I haven't taken a test in a while), I haven't had much schoolwork... all these things together (but mostly the time w/ friends thing) have made me... happier =)
It's kinda strange... but I don't think that this is really a bad thing.
Haha My mom has told me in the past to stop looking so stern, but I kept saying that a stern face was my default face after all the years of annoying stuff I've had to deal with. But a few years back, I've tried to give off a more happy appearance. Like, keep my eyes more that half open, relax my face muscles, and smile more.
haha I've gotten pretty good at my happy appearance. I guess this ia part of the reason why I lost my forced stern look. lol the only drawback is that I ALWAYS smile when I start to talk w/ my friends, so I'm worried that I might unconciously be smiling when we're talking about a bad or sad topic. ^^" I'm working on that now. Getting more facial expressions... being more relaxed with myself and others, adults, peers, random passerbys, everyone.
I guess this is one thing that I can list for how I've changed myself for the better. =)
English Class Has Been Sooooo Fun Lately
So I had an interesting English class today. Recently, my English teacher had been on the edge, getting angry and frustrated with the class. Oh, and me too.
Haha so last Friday, she called on me to say what magical realism was. I never could retain the definition of realism. Wait, is it just a story with realistic elements...? lol
hmmm dictionary website says basically that, but a bit more smart sounding. ops. ahhh well, never could get that smart sounding part down.
lol ANNNNNNNNNYWAYS, I was drawing a blank, and though there were a few distractions, she ultimately stayed on me. Apparently, it was a preeeeeeeeeety painful spetacle. :P She was like "Come on, just say a sentece with the words "magical" and "realism" in it. I justsat there and smiled a little. ^^" Someone told me later that I looked scared. I was kinda surprised. I didn't think I even HAD a scared face. haha though I can imagen it.... kinda. More like a fake scared face.
Anyways, I was a bit proud of myslef that I was able to have a decent amount of self control in this annoying situation. Usually, my face turns red, I get a bit fidgety, and I can't speak well. This time, I remembered to do a little thing that gives me some confidence: lightly hitting my chest with a loose fist. It's like, well, the action calms me down and arouses some strength. When you get nervous or sad or whatever, you get a bad feeling in your chest right? Same thing goes for good feelings, you have a good feeling in your chest. Heart, Soul, Spirit? Whatever the case, I guess this is kinda a logical reason why this chest hitting thing works for me.
Moving on, the teacher would just NOT let up on me! She focused on me for like, 15 minutes...maybe less in reality, but not by much. She was like, "would you like your classmate to help you out?" I was like: "sure." So the kid answers the question: It's realism that has magical elements. -.-" I could've said something THAT simple... though I might've sounded a bit dumber. I thought she wanted a better answer. Plus, I was kinda disoriented when she called me, since I let my mind wander to pass the time, and hope she doesn't call me. Unfortunetly, that day, the kid in front of me was absent, so I guess the teach had a clear view of me.
After asked my classmate to help me out, she asked me to answer ANOTHER question. Gezz what happened to moving onto the next kid to call on after 10 seconds of non response? I was bsically quiet when she waited for me to answer, starting off on sentences and mumbling and all those signs that you want the teacher to move on to the next kid to call on.
Weeeeeeeeeeell she asked me a question of the book we were reading, and lucky me, I was chosen out of the whole class of non readers to answer her question. I read some of the book, but I was behind. Weeeeeeeeeeeell, after giving her a response, which was wrong, she FINALLY gave up on me and answered the question herself. She then asked another kid a question, but he couldn't answer her.
And so, the teacher went on a rant about how we should be reading like she says and blah blah blah. But I kinda got a vibe from my classmates that said this: We don't care. And when she gets "angry" at us, she doesn't look or even sound angry. No, she just raises her voice and speaks sarcastically for a while. At least it seems like a while. I've found that I've been lacking in patient with angry adults.
Okay, so eventually, I recovered from my time in class, and was able to joke around w/ the situation later.
haha AHHHHHHHHH went on a huge tanget. I didn't even talk about what happened today!!! lol so in the middle of class, my teacher got all riled up again. But this time there wasn't much of a cause. She got angered by the lack of participation in class and the got angrier when I think she recalled what happened in class last friday. Haha apparently, when she said something about not reading the material, she looked at me. My friend told me this, but I didn't notice, cuz I always look down at my notes in that class. Not sure it that actually happened since that friend likes to mess with me a bit, or she ends up messing with me lol.
Sooooooooooooo I think my teacher almost snapped today. Like, she nearly started to yell!!!! haha but I think she caught herself and went back to being all sarcastically mean.
I didn't really mind, but I felt like putting on my stern face. I wasn't really in a bad mood. More like a non-caring one. And it had been a while since I last made my face stern on purpose, so I decided to look stern.
BUT THEN, something happened... which I'll talk about in my next post, cuz this onbe is long enough already haha. ^^
Haha so last Friday, she called on me to say what magical realism was. I never could retain the definition of realism. Wait, is it just a story with realistic elements...? lol
hmmm dictionary website says basically that, but a bit more smart sounding. ops. ahhh well, never could get that smart sounding part down.
lol ANNNNNNNNNYWAYS, I was drawing a blank, and though there were a few distractions, she ultimately stayed on me. Apparently, it was a preeeeeeeeeety painful spetacle. :P She was like "Come on, just say a sentece with the words "magical" and "realism" in it. I justsat there and smiled a little. ^^" Someone told me later that I looked scared. I was kinda surprised. I didn't think I even HAD a scared face. haha though I can imagen it.... kinda. More like a fake scared face.
Anyways, I was a bit proud of myslef that I was able to have a decent amount of self control in this annoying situation. Usually, my face turns red, I get a bit fidgety, and I can't speak well. This time, I remembered to do a little thing that gives me some confidence: lightly hitting my chest with a loose fist. It's like, well, the action calms me down and arouses some strength. When you get nervous or sad or whatever, you get a bad feeling in your chest right? Same thing goes for good feelings, you have a good feeling in your chest. Heart, Soul, Spirit? Whatever the case, I guess this is kinda a logical reason why this chest hitting thing works for me.
Moving on, the teacher would just NOT let up on me! She focused on me for like, 15 minutes...maybe less in reality, but not by much. She was like, "would you like your classmate to help you out?" I was like: "sure." So the kid answers the question: It's realism that has magical elements. -.-" I could've said something THAT simple... though I might've sounded a bit dumber. I thought she wanted a better answer. Plus, I was kinda disoriented when she called me, since I let my mind wander to pass the time, and hope she doesn't call me. Unfortunetly, that day, the kid in front of me was absent, so I guess the teach had a clear view of me.
After asked my classmate to help me out, she asked me to answer ANOTHER question. Gezz what happened to moving onto the next kid to call on after 10 seconds of non response? I was bsically quiet when she waited for me to answer, starting off on sentences and mumbling and all those signs that you want the teacher to move on to the next kid to call on.
Weeeeeeeeeeell she asked me a question of the book we were reading, and lucky me, I was chosen out of the whole class of non readers to answer her question. I read some of the book, but I was behind. Weeeeeeeeeeeell, after giving her a response, which was wrong, she FINALLY gave up on me and answered the question herself. She then asked another kid a question, but he couldn't answer her.
And so, the teacher went on a rant about how we should be reading like she says and blah blah blah. But I kinda got a vibe from my classmates that said this: We don't care. And when she gets "angry" at us, she doesn't look or even sound angry. No, she just raises her voice and speaks sarcastically for a while. At least it seems like a while. I've found that I've been lacking in patient with angry adults.
Okay, so eventually, I recovered from my time in class, and was able to joke around w/ the situation later.
haha AHHHHHHHHH went on a huge tanget. I didn't even talk about what happened today!!! lol so in the middle of class, my teacher got all riled up again. But this time there wasn't much of a cause. She got angered by the lack of participation in class and the got angrier when I think she recalled what happened in class last friday. Haha apparently, when she said something about not reading the material, she looked at me. My friend told me this, but I didn't notice, cuz I always look down at my notes in that class. Not sure it that actually happened since that friend likes to mess with me a bit, or she ends up messing with me lol.
Sooooooooooooo I think my teacher almost snapped today. Like, she nearly started to yell!!!! haha but I think she caught herself and went back to being all sarcastically mean.
I didn't really mind, but I felt like putting on my stern face. I wasn't really in a bad mood. More like a non-caring one. And it had been a while since I last made my face stern on purpose, so I decided to look stern.
BUT THEN, something happened... which I'll talk about in my next post, cuz this onbe is long enough already haha. ^^
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Dreams
I haven't dreamed well in years. And what I mean by that is that my dreams are always kinda hazy when I have them, and when I wake up I always forget them. It's like, the second I wake up, the tv that's presenting the show of my dream is turned off, before I get the chance to take it in in the slightest.
Haha maybe not the best comparison, but really, after I wake up from a dream, I remember a bit of it... then one fact to two... and then it's gone completely. And when I try to recall it, I feel like there's a dark void in my head where the memory of my dream used to be. I wasn't always like this. When I was a kid, I hadmore vivid dreams, and I remebered them too. But they weren't exactly good dreams. One time when I was kid, I had one of those bad dreams where you can't find your parents. I was in my elementary school lunch room and it was packed with ppl, and somehow the windows near the ceiling had become glass windows from which ppl on the nonexistent second floor were. I saw my mom up there, but when I took a second look, she was gone. I fantically pushed my way through the crowd trying to find her and I woke up. I ran to my parent's room crying saying "I had a dream that I tried to find you, but you were gone." Typical little kid thing. Haha I still remember what happened so well.
Haha another kid dream I still remember is a dream where I flew in the air. I was running on my old street then a truck was coming towards me. I ran toward it, and as I ran I started to rise up into the air. So I was flying but, in order to fly, I had to keep the running motion. Haha image what the bed sheets were like when I woke up lol (actually they weren't really messed up, though I think I WAS kicking in my sleep). haha so I don't know it I was flying or jumping cuz after a got over the truck I slowed my pace and started falling down. I don't remember if the dream ended there of if I actually ran faster and started to rise up again. In any case, I remember that interesting dream even today.
Anyways, though I don't remember them, my dreams nowadays seem to consist of me doing something adventurous or action-y or something. Something interesting. Haha They've even included love. Haha but I think that's cuz I've been watching/reading/etc stuff online and on tv and manga/stuff. But still, I think it's nice to have dreams, though I seems like it can be kinda tiring, taking away from a peaceful night's sleep. I still think it would be nice to have dreams. Haha maybe if I had a dream, I could stop and think to myself, hey I'm dreaming, and do something.
Haha actaully, once, when I was a bit older than a little kid, I think I had a dream but I realized it was a dream and the dream dissapated, and I was stuck in blackness. I knew that physically, I was laying on my back, arms along my sides, as if I was standing. But I was like this mentally too. In the blackness, I was like, in the same position I was phycially. Haha so in this condition, I was like, "hmm this is pretty cool/interesting! Let's see if I can wkae myself up... hmm come on..." and soon enough, woke up!! :D That was an interesting experience! hahaha
I heard that a certain vitamin and that sleeping in a certain direction towards the sun can cause dreams, but I never really looked into that. I guess I've just haven't bothered with it for all these years, mostly cuz it wasn't really important and that I didn't relaly care that much. I just think that it'd be interesting. haha ^^
Haha maybe not the best comparison, but really, after I wake up from a dream, I remember a bit of it... then one fact to two... and then it's gone completely. And when I try to recall it, I feel like there's a dark void in my head where the memory of my dream used to be. I wasn't always like this. When I was a kid, I hadmore vivid dreams, and I remebered them too. But they weren't exactly good dreams. One time when I was kid, I had one of those bad dreams where you can't find your parents. I was in my elementary school lunch room and it was packed with ppl, and somehow the windows near the ceiling had become glass windows from which ppl on the nonexistent second floor were. I saw my mom up there, but when I took a second look, she was gone. I fantically pushed my way through the crowd trying to find her and I woke up. I ran to my parent's room crying saying "I had a dream that I tried to find you, but you were gone." Typical little kid thing. Haha I still remember what happened so well.
Haha another kid dream I still remember is a dream where I flew in the air. I was running on my old street then a truck was coming towards me. I ran toward it, and as I ran I started to rise up into the air. So I was flying but, in order to fly, I had to keep the running motion. Haha image what the bed sheets were like when I woke up lol (actually they weren't really messed up, though I think I WAS kicking in my sleep). haha so I don't know it I was flying or jumping cuz after a got over the truck I slowed my pace and started falling down. I don't remember if the dream ended there of if I actually ran faster and started to rise up again. In any case, I remember that interesting dream even today.
Anyways, though I don't remember them, my dreams nowadays seem to consist of me doing something adventurous or action-y or something. Something interesting. Haha They've even included love. Haha but I think that's cuz I've been watching/reading/etc stuff online and on tv and manga/stuff. But still, I think it's nice to have dreams, though I seems like it can be kinda tiring, taking away from a peaceful night's sleep. I still think it would be nice to have dreams. Haha maybe if I had a dream, I could stop and think to myself, hey I'm dreaming, and do something.
Haha actaully, once, when I was a bit older than a little kid, I think I had a dream but I realized it was a dream and the dream dissapated, and I was stuck in blackness. I knew that physically, I was laying on my back, arms along my sides, as if I was standing. But I was like this mentally too. In the blackness, I was like, in the same position I was phycially. Haha so in this condition, I was like, "hmm this is pretty cool/interesting! Let's see if I can wkae myself up... hmm come on..." and soon enough, woke up!! :D That was an interesting experience! hahaha
I heard that a certain vitamin and that sleeping in a certain direction towards the sun can cause dreams, but I never really looked into that. I guess I've just haven't bothered with it for all these years, mostly cuz it wasn't really important and that I didn't relaly care that much. I just think that it'd be interesting. haha ^^
Always Says Hi!!!
Hahaha so I have a freshman friend called EG. I don't get to see her much, but occasionally, when I pass by her in the hallway, we always greet each other. Now, I know, this doesn't seem like a big deal, right? But it kinda is.
You see, I'm sure ppl know what I'm talking about, when you're in the crowded hallway and ur passing by a friend, you could do a number of things. You could decide ahh I don't wanna or feel like talking to this guy, and look straight ahead or elsewhere, to avoid making eyecontact with the person. Or maybe you say "hi" to a friend, but this friend doesn't notice you and doesn't say a word and continues to walk. OR maybe you make eyecontact for a breif moment, but then the two of you look away. OR maybe you notice the friend too late and realize that it's to late to saya breif greeting.
But with EG, even if I accidently/purposely don't notice her, she always says "hi" to me anyways!!! =) I like that about her. It's a simple thing, yea, but it kinda seems like more to me. It's like, by always greeting me despite the sitiuation, she's keeping our friendship alive. It's also just plain nice to hear a greeting from a friend.
I just think that EG almost always saying "hi" is great! =)
You see, I'm sure ppl know what I'm talking about, when you're in the crowded hallway and ur passing by a friend, you could do a number of things. You could decide ahh I don't wanna or feel like talking to this guy, and look straight ahead or elsewhere, to avoid making eyecontact with the person. Or maybe you say "hi" to a friend, but this friend doesn't notice you and doesn't say a word and continues to walk. OR maybe you make eyecontact for a breif moment, but then the two of you look away. OR maybe you notice the friend too late and realize that it's to late to saya breif greeting.
But with EG, even if I accidently/purposely don't notice her, she always says "hi" to me anyways!!! =) I like that about her. It's a simple thing, yea, but it kinda seems like more to me. It's like, by always greeting me despite the sitiuation, she's keeping our friendship alive. It's also just plain nice to hear a greeting from a friend.
I just think that EG almost always saying "hi" is great! =)
Jealous
In my whole life, I've only been jealous of one thing other people had that I didn't: the ability to get along with others with ease. I look at other people, and they're all buddy buddy even though they aren't even friends! One time, I made a friend with someone, but even now never really made a connection with her, but she later made another friend, and did what I couldn't in only a fraction of the time!!! What's with that!?!?! There's also a friend of mine LG, who get's along with everybody so well!!! It's not just him, other people too!!!
Why?! Why is it like this!?!! What's the difference between us??!? Why is this guy so likable?!? How do they get along so well... so easily?!?! Questions like these faintly haunt me nowadays... not enough to truly bother me, but enough to be annoying. In the past, and even now, I've tended to be awkward with people. It's like there's no spark to even start a lasting conversation. This part of me has really been killing me over the years. Of course, I've gotten some better social skills recently, and I'm glad that I've been making progress, but I feel that a bulk of the issue is still here, annoying/haunting me.
I guess this brings me back to a previous post, the one about me not having really close friends. I seriously wish I had a few friends that I really connected with, got along with, hung out a lot with. Some guys who really understood me, and me really understanding them. I'm tired of the broad friendships that I've made over the years. Not that I don't like them, they're great and enjoyable. But still, having close friends... I think that would be really great.
Why?! Why is it like this!?!! What's the difference between us??!? Why is this guy so likable?!? How do they get along so well... so easily?!?! Questions like these faintly haunt me nowadays... not enough to truly bother me, but enough to be annoying. In the past, and even now, I've tended to be awkward with people. It's like there's no spark to even start a lasting conversation. This part of me has really been killing me over the years. Of course, I've gotten some better social skills recently, and I'm glad that I've been making progress, but I feel that a bulk of the issue is still here, annoying/haunting me.
I guess this brings me back to a previous post, the one about me not having really close friends. I seriously wish I had a few friends that I really connected with, got along with, hung out a lot with. Some guys who really understood me, and me really understanding them. I'm tired of the broad friendships that I've made over the years. Not that I don't like them, they're great and enjoyable. But still, having close friends... I think that would be really great.
My Time with XG
Haha so, I think I've mentioned a particular friend of mine in a lot a of my posts, who I reference as XG. She's a sophomore girl that I actually met during the previous school year, but didn't really become friends with until this school year. Haha she's a very interesting girl, and I've had a TON of interesting times because of her. It's fun to hang around her =)
And so, I feel like telling some of the many tales and adventures that I've had with her in not even a year's time!!! (wow was it only that long? we did so much!!! hahaha)
One time, she lost her cousin's tennis racket at school, and asked me to help her find it! Hahaha apparently, she had lent it to a friend and her friend carelessly misplaced it. How mean!!! Anyways, We searched ALL OVER to find it. We triple checked the gym locker rooms, quadrulple checked the lost and found, questioned teachers, and did a whole lot of back and forth walking. BUT, we didn't find it. Haha I think we had a lot a fun frantically trying to find that racket, searching and doing things we wouldn't normally do had it been a plain, average day. hahaha well, a few months later, she found it... ON TOP OF HER GYM LOCKER!!! HAHAHAHAHA. lol it's understandable that she didn't find it, being that the lockers are tall and that that was a pretty unliely place to leave a tennis racket, but STILL hahaha. What were the chances??!! And it was SO close to her too!!! hahahahaha. That brightened me up ^^.
Haha another time (2/2/09), she left her english assignment at home and she had to run back home and get it. Yes run. AND in the rain!!! ^^ fun huh? Well actually, I thought she had fun, and I did too! Haha yes, I went with her. I don't exactly rememebr why I tagged along but I think I was thinking that it was too dangerous to go alone. Plus I think she asked for soem company... I think haha. SO, we ran out! Luckily, her house is only a 2 minute drive away from the school. We jogged on the sidewalk, me pushing her to speed up when she slowed down, cuz we had a time limit. I think it was at 2:30, her english teacher was gonna head on home (it was aftershool btw haha no worries. we aren't deliquents) Eventually, we reached a part of the way that didn't have a sidewalk, but had a sideline for bikers and such, where on one side there was traffic, and on the other, the iron fence thing that went along the road. I walked along within the sideline, but SHE insisted on walking on the opposite side of the fence, where the gorund was full of slippery debries and mud, and was even sloped downhill!!! I refused to let her continue unless I had a grip of her hand in case she fell. And of course, she resisted ^^. In the end, I had to hold onto her sweatshirt sleeve and we were on our way!!! =) haha so eventually we reached her house. I think that was the first time I ever entered it! Her parents were out, which I thought, and probably she thought, was a good thing. She soon found her assingnment and me were soon on our way back to the school!!! I told her to put the assignment under her shirt so it wouldn't get wet. lol good idea! XD Haha anyways, we headed back, I had to hold her sleeve again, and pushed her to run faster until her finally got back to the school! Haha guess what? We made it in time!!! She handed in the assignment (though her teacher apparently looked at her funny cuz she was all wet). Success!!!!! XD Haha that was a really interesting time! =D
A little while later (2/2/08), I got to go to her house again!!! ^^ Hmm I wonder if I can recall this stor correctly.. hope so! Sooooooooooooo this is what happened, I hadn't stayed after school that day, and wasn't doing much at home, when suddeny, XG called! Apparently, she was lost!!! haha Thinking back, this was probably when I first learned of her knack for getting lost haha not that I'm one to talk, but still. Apparently, she was trying to go home to pick up a chem assignment she forgot, but got lost trying to take a shortcut... which ended up being a longcut ^^". Somehow, she ended up WAAAAAAAAY off from her house. Over the phone, I tried to direct her in the right direction using mapquest. It worked, but apparently, she had fallen down and few times... and the tone of her voice!!! ARGH!!! I couldn't take it anymore, I got up and drove toward her house. I found her, and after a funny meeting and after making her get in the car, I drove her to her house!!! hahaha But when we got there... she noticed that she forgot her house key... BACK AT THE SCHOOL!!! Hahahaha yeaaaaaaaaa so I had to drive her back to the school. We got her key, and I had to force her to accept my help and get in the car, and we were on or way, back to her house!!! haha so she got her house door ope, we got inside, AND... she couldn't find her assignment!!!! We searched for like, 20 minutes, in her folders, she checked the rooms, yea. It wasn't there!!! AH!!! And so, we soon gave up and went back to the school... and guess what? THE ASSIGNMENT WAS IN HER BACKPACK!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA Apparently, it was in a folder she rarely used. Well apparently, she did use it. And so, we did all that stuff for nothing, but I had fun with it!!! And I think she did too!!! :)
Haha yes, I have more stories. On 4/5/09, XG walked to my house... to pay me 5 bucks she owed me. hahaha We live pretty close to eachother, BUT STILL!!! Haha so, I before she arrived, I was talking on the phone with her, and she abruptly hung up... so she could come to my house!!! She hinted that she would before, but I couldn't tell if she was being serious., which was her plan cuz if I had known, I would've driven out to get her hahaha. There are some dangerous, sidewalk-less streets you know. Well, she arrived at my house... as I was preparing a gourmet meal for myself... ramen :D. Haha I let her in, put she refused to takeher shoes off and enter the house. lol well, I just busied myself with cooking my lunch. hahaha I kept her waiting for a little while, kinda purposely cuz it was amusing. I tried to let her maker herself at home but she just stood by the doorway. hahaha it was fun to prolong her stay =D. Anyways, eventually, I let her wait outside cuz she wanted (it was a nice day :D) and quickly ran out, and pulled the car out of the garage. Haha I pulled her toward the car, and forced her in. Hahaha you know, after all the times I forced her into my car, it's really amusing to think of how we look. Hahaha no! I do NOT look like I'm trying to kidnap her :D. Anyways, after forcing her in, I drove her home.
Hahaha I had a bunch of other fun times with XG. Some at barnes and nobles, others at ths school. I feel like hanging with her makes the day more interesting, more out of the ordinary. Haha Things are never really boring with her. And even though she complains about what I do (like giving her rides) she always smiles, so it's fun ^^. I've had a lot of fun with her this year. I can't even describe it. I just hope that she's had fun with me too. Maybe I'll write about the other times I've had with her some other time. It's kinda overwhelming to write about them all at once. But I will write about them... one day. =)
And so, I feel like telling some of the many tales and adventures that I've had with her in not even a year's time!!! (wow was it only that long? we did so much!!! hahaha)
One time, she lost her cousin's tennis racket at school, and asked me to help her find it! Hahaha apparently, she had lent it to a friend and her friend carelessly misplaced it. How mean!!! Anyways, We searched ALL OVER to find it. We triple checked the gym locker rooms, quadrulple checked the lost and found, questioned teachers, and did a whole lot of back and forth walking. BUT, we didn't find it. Haha I think we had a lot a fun frantically trying to find that racket, searching and doing things we wouldn't normally do had it been a plain, average day. hahaha well, a few months later, she found it... ON TOP OF HER GYM LOCKER!!! HAHAHAHAHA. lol it's understandable that she didn't find it, being that the lockers are tall and that that was a pretty unliely place to leave a tennis racket, but STILL hahaha. What were the chances??!! And it was SO close to her too!!! hahahahaha. That brightened me up ^^.
Haha another time (2/2/09), she left her english assignment at home and she had to run back home and get it. Yes run. AND in the rain!!! ^^ fun huh? Well actually, I thought she had fun, and I did too! Haha yes, I went with her. I don't exactly rememebr why I tagged along but I think I was thinking that it was too dangerous to go alone. Plus I think she asked for soem company... I think haha. SO, we ran out! Luckily, her house is only a 2 minute drive away from the school. We jogged on the sidewalk, me pushing her to speed up when she slowed down, cuz we had a time limit. I think it was at 2:30, her english teacher was gonna head on home (it was aftershool btw haha no worries. we aren't deliquents) Eventually, we reached a part of the way that didn't have a sidewalk, but had a sideline for bikers and such, where on one side there was traffic, and on the other, the iron fence thing that went along the road. I walked along within the sideline, but SHE insisted on walking on the opposite side of the fence, where the gorund was full of slippery debries and mud, and was even sloped downhill!!! I refused to let her continue unless I had a grip of her hand in case she fell. And of course, she resisted ^^. In the end, I had to hold onto her sweatshirt sleeve and we were on our way!!! =) haha so eventually we reached her house. I think that was the first time I ever entered it! Her parents were out, which I thought, and probably she thought, was a good thing. She soon found her assingnment and me were soon on our way back to the school!!! I told her to put the assignment under her shirt so it wouldn't get wet. lol good idea! XD Haha anyways, we headed back, I had to hold her sleeve again, and pushed her to run faster until her finally got back to the school! Haha guess what? We made it in time!!! She handed in the assignment (though her teacher apparently looked at her funny cuz she was all wet). Success!!!!! XD Haha that was a really interesting time! =D
A little while later (2/2/08), I got to go to her house again!!! ^^ Hmm I wonder if I can recall this stor correctly.. hope so! Sooooooooooooo this is what happened, I hadn't stayed after school that day, and wasn't doing much at home, when suddeny, XG called! Apparently, she was lost!!! haha Thinking back, this was probably when I first learned of her knack for getting lost haha not that I'm one to talk, but still. Apparently, she was trying to go home to pick up a chem assignment she forgot, but got lost trying to take a shortcut... which ended up being a longcut ^^". Somehow, she ended up WAAAAAAAAY off from her house. Over the phone, I tried to direct her in the right direction using mapquest. It worked, but apparently, she had fallen down and few times... and the tone of her voice!!! ARGH!!! I couldn't take it anymore, I got up and drove toward her house. I found her, and after a funny meeting and after making her get in the car, I drove her to her house!!! hahaha But when we got there... she noticed that she forgot her house key... BACK AT THE SCHOOL!!! Hahahaha yeaaaaaaaaa so I had to drive her back to the school. We got her key, and I had to force her to accept my help and get in the car, and we were on or way, back to her house!!! haha so she got her house door ope, we got inside, AND... she couldn't find her assignment!!!! We searched for like, 20 minutes, in her folders, she checked the rooms, yea. It wasn't there!!! AH!!! And so, we soon gave up and went back to the school... and guess what? THE ASSIGNMENT WAS IN HER BACKPACK!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA Apparently, it was in a folder she rarely used. Well apparently, she did use it. And so, we did all that stuff for nothing, but I had fun with it!!! And I think she did too!!! :)
Haha yes, I have more stories. On 4/5/09, XG walked to my house... to pay me 5 bucks she owed me. hahaha We live pretty close to eachother, BUT STILL!!! Haha so, I before she arrived, I was talking on the phone with her, and she abruptly hung up... so she could come to my house!!! She hinted that she would before, but I couldn't tell if she was being serious., which was her plan cuz if I had known, I would've driven out to get her hahaha. There are some dangerous, sidewalk-less streets you know. Well, she arrived at my house... as I was preparing a gourmet meal for myself... ramen :D. Haha I let her in, put she refused to takeher shoes off and enter the house. lol well, I just busied myself with cooking my lunch. hahaha I kept her waiting for a little while, kinda purposely cuz it was amusing. I tried to let her maker herself at home but she just stood by the doorway. hahaha it was fun to prolong her stay =D. Anyways, eventually, I let her wait outside cuz she wanted (it was a nice day :D) and quickly ran out, and pulled the car out of the garage. Haha I pulled her toward the car, and forced her in. Hahaha you know, after all the times I forced her into my car, it's really amusing to think of how we look. Hahaha no! I do NOT look like I'm trying to kidnap her :D. Anyways, after forcing her in, I drove her home.
Hahaha I had a bunch of other fun times with XG. Some at barnes and nobles, others at ths school. I feel like hanging with her makes the day more interesting, more out of the ordinary. Haha Things are never really boring with her. And even though she complains about what I do (like giving her rides) she always smiles, so it's fun ^^. I've had a lot of fun with her this year. I can't even describe it. I just hope that she's had fun with me too. Maybe I'll write about the other times I've had with her some other time. It's kinda overwhelming to write about them all at once. But I will write about them... one day. =)
Long TIme No Seeeee!!!! ^^
Whew!!! Man it's been a whiiiiiiiile! A LONG while!!! Haven't posted anything SOOOOOOOOO LOOOONG!!!!!!
Man I've been preoccupied with stuff. But I've just haven't felt like blogging recently lol. Why? I guess it's cuz the initial thrill of blogging died down? nah, not so much. I was kinda stressing over school stuff, though in the end, I didn't really study. I guess I initially wanted to start the blog cuz I wanted to let out some stuff I've been keeping in for so long or even recently. But nowadays, I've felt pretty happy. Really happy actually I guess. So blogging, which I started to express soem negative thoughts, didn't seem necessary anymore. hmm on second thought, that isn't much of a reason either.
Maybe I've begun to see blogging as work? I spend SO much time typing every post and my posts are pretty long too! It's hard to get myself to start blogging but if I start I'll keep going... kinda like how I appoach studying ^^".
Well, all the log ideas I've noted down in my planner have relly piled up now, and I think it's about time I work on all of them.
WHEW that's a lot of typing. Well... Here we go!!! XD
Man I've been preoccupied with stuff. But I've just haven't felt like blogging recently lol. Why? I guess it's cuz the initial thrill of blogging died down? nah, not so much. I was kinda stressing over school stuff, though in the end, I didn't really study. I guess I initially wanted to start the blog cuz I wanted to let out some stuff I've been keeping in for so long or even recently. But nowadays, I've felt pretty happy. Really happy actually I guess. So blogging, which I started to express soem negative thoughts, didn't seem necessary anymore. hmm on second thought, that isn't much of a reason either.
Maybe I've begun to see blogging as work? I spend SO much time typing every post and my posts are pretty long too! It's hard to get myself to start blogging but if I start I'll keep going... kinda like how I appoach studying ^^".
Well, all the log ideas I've noted down in my planner have relly piled up now, and I think it's about time I work on all of them.
WHEW that's a lot of typing. Well... Here we go!!! XD
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Scrubs
Well, a few hours ago on May 6, 2009, I watched the one hour season finally of Scrubs, and I gotta say, I miss it already.
It was such a great show. I can barely describe how good it was. It was hilarious and touching, taught life lessons, and entertained SO many people everywhere with its characters, dialogue, and much more!!!
I LOVED this show. The finale was great too. I thought that the first half was pretty sad at first, but by the end, I felt satisfied and happy. I felt like I was saying goodbye to a friend forever, but I would always have the memories. Haha kinda weird to say this about a show but I guess this just shows how important and amazing this show was, for me, and for people everywhere.
I'm gonna miss it, but like so many other people have already said, all things come to an end, and if the show started up again, it just wouldn't feel the same. I would be glad to see more episodes, but this finale... this finale... was just a great way to end it all.
Thank you Scrubs, for doing so much for us in so many ways. Its not just a show. Its managed to touch people everywhere, and spreading laughs and new ideas as well.
Thanks for everything. =)
It was such a great show. I can barely describe how good it was. It was hilarious and touching, taught life lessons, and entertained SO many people everywhere with its characters, dialogue, and much more!!!
I LOVED this show. The finale was great too. I thought that the first half was pretty sad at first, but by the end, I felt satisfied and happy. I felt like I was saying goodbye to a friend forever, but I would always have the memories. Haha kinda weird to say this about a show but I guess this just shows how important and amazing this show was, for me, and for people everywhere.
I'm gonna miss it, but like so many other people have already said, all things come to an end, and if the show started up again, it just wouldn't feel the same. I would be glad to see more episodes, but this finale... this finale... was just a great way to end it all.
Thank you Scrubs, for doing so much for us in so many ways. Its not just a show. Its managed to touch people everywhere, and spreading laughs and new ideas as well.
Thanks for everything. =)
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
A Pretty Happy Realization
Haha so I haven't posted on my blog for a while, even though I still got a bunch of things I wanna talk about.
Lol anyways, I'm not gonna post a lot for a while cuz I'm stressing over AP tests and I just don't feel like it... probably b/c of the AP tests hahaha.
I just wanted to quickly post something in case I forget to write about it later.
Hahaha so, I was watching a funny TV show called Friends, and today's episode was about one of the main characters getting married. Now, getting married is a big deal and all, but that wasn't the issue here. For the past few years, whenever I've seen a marriage, whether it was on TV or in real life or whatever, I've always felt a dark tugging feeling. This is because the relationship between my parents was a biiiiit bad at the time... well, more like up until the end of 2008.
Okay it was just plain horrible. So horrible that I began developing some negative feelings concerning marriage (of course, I did have happy feelings too since it's marriage after all, it's jsut that my happy feelings were muddled by my negative ones).
Anyways, when I watched the marriage seen today, I realized that my negative feelings were gone. It was a really shocking realization, a happy one too. I guess by bad feelings disappeared because my parents have behaving well lately. I say "behaving well" rather than "getting along well" because before they got along well, I had come to see them a little kids squabbling over whatever lol.
I'm really glad that my parents have been getting along well. It's made life at my house a LOOOOOOOT better. Seriously. haha. I'm also really glad that I don't feel any animousity towards marriage any more. =)
Lol anyways, I'm not gonna post a lot for a while cuz I'm stressing over AP tests and I just don't feel like it... probably b/c of the AP tests hahaha.
I just wanted to quickly post something in case I forget to write about it later.
Hahaha so, I was watching a funny TV show called Friends, and today's episode was about one of the main characters getting married. Now, getting married is a big deal and all, but that wasn't the issue here. For the past few years, whenever I've seen a marriage, whether it was on TV or in real life or whatever, I've always felt a dark tugging feeling. This is because the relationship between my parents was a biiiiit bad at the time... well, more like up until the end of 2008.
Okay it was just plain horrible. So horrible that I began developing some negative feelings concerning marriage (of course, I did have happy feelings too since it's marriage after all, it's jsut that my happy feelings were muddled by my negative ones).
Anyways, when I watched the marriage seen today, I realized that my negative feelings were gone. It was a really shocking realization, a happy one too. I guess by bad feelings disappeared because my parents have behaving well lately. I say "behaving well" rather than "getting along well" because before they got along well, I had come to see them a little kids squabbling over whatever lol.
I'm really glad that my parents have been getting along well. It's made life at my house a LOOOOOOOT better. Seriously. haha. I'm also really glad that I don't feel any animousity towards marriage any more. =)
Friday, May 1, 2009
My Time At Home 5/1/09
Hahaha today is May 1st!!! Otherwise known as MAY DAY!!!! XD I find that rally amusing and interesting :D.
haha anyways, after I got home from my implant appointment around 4:15, I didn't feel like going to the First Aid Squad Building, cause I was feeling down and annoyed by the whole fake teeth setback. I was bothered a lot by my parents' reactions to the news too lol. Haha also, it was a dark muggy day so I just didn't want to go =D. Kinda feel bad for slacking off on my duty though... >< too ="D."><") and I went to watch TV. Haha at 12 (midnight) we started talking on aim, and decided to blog on our respective blogs!!! XD hahahahaha and nooooooooooooooooooow we're here ^^.
Hahaha actually, I think I spent way over 2 hours talking to her on the phone!!! Yea!!! New Recooooooooord!!! XD Yay! Had an implied High Five with XG!!! =D. Lol and for the whole day... I've must've talked to her for like... 5 hours or something!!!! Hahaha it feels like longer =).
I had a really fun time talking to her!!! I hope she had fun talking to me too!!!!!! =D
haha anyways, after I got home from my implant appointment around 4:15, I didn't feel like going to the First Aid Squad Building, cause I was feeling down and annoyed by the whole fake teeth setback. I was bothered a lot by my parents' reactions to the news too lol. Haha also, it was a dark muggy day so I just didn't want to go =D. Kinda feel bad for slacking off on my duty though... >< too ="D."><") and I went to watch TV. Haha at 12 (midnight) we started talking on aim, and decided to blog on our respective blogs!!! XD hahahahaha and nooooooooooooooooooow we're here ^^.
Hahaha actually, I think I spent way over 2 hours talking to her on the phone!!! Yea!!! New Recooooooooord!!! XD Yay! Had an implied High Five with XG!!! =D. Lol and for the whole day... I've must've talked to her for like... 5 hours or something!!!! Hahaha it feels like longer =).
I had a really fun time talking to her!!! I hope she had fun talking to me too!!!!!! =D
I Don't Want to Admit It
I don't like admitting certain negative things about myself. Like, I feel that, for example, I admitted I was depressed, then I would truly believe I was depressed, and wallow in the idea... something I seriously don't want to do. By not admitting it, I feel that I won't give into evils and horrors of the idea.
So I really, reallllly don't want to admit that I have bad luck, even though there are signs of it every now and then. And I'm not saying that I have bad luck all the time. Good things happen to me too! But... my good luck usually gives way to only little good things usually. But when something bad happens to come across me, I'm hit pretty hard.
Like today, I went to my teeth implant guy, and I had to get one of the rod set ups for my fake teeth taken out. The story behind this is that I was born without 2 adult teeth, so without implanting fake teeth into my mouth, I'll have two spaces in my lower row of teeth forever. But by getting braces (which I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally don't like having) to move my teeth to give way to the fake teeth, going through surgery to impant these metal rods into my jaw, and placing crowns on these rods, I can acquire fake teeth.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT I guess I'm not so lucky, cause one of the rods ended up loose somehow. Apparently, there was ONLY a 95% chance that nothing would go wrong -.-". Dang that 5% lol ><. Yea soooooo it looks like I'll have todeal with unexpected teeth issues and will have to go through the surgery and drugging again. Woohoo~ lol.
But yea, seriously, bad luck much? Recently, I've also faced some trouble in stat class, where my teacher ended up losing one of my tests, and a hw for a while. Haha then there are the little events caused by bad luck or coincidences or whatever. Like, I ended up missing a day of school, but by the end of the day I realized how badly I needed to go to school that day. It was such a huge like, twist of fate or irony or something ><.
Haha but back to the central topic. I feel that if I admit I have bad luck, I'll have bad luck all the time. They say that to fix a problem, you have to admit you have one, but I don't think that applies to this situation. I feel that if I let myslef I admit that I have bad luck or am depressed or whatever, I'll be holding a big, heavy, dark, and negative weight on my shoulders, and in my heart too. I can't let that happen.
So as long as I feel this dense negative threat, I'll always fight the ideas of bad luck that I have. =)
So I really, reallllly don't want to admit that I have bad luck, even though there are signs of it every now and then. And I'm not saying that I have bad luck all the time. Good things happen to me too! But... my good luck usually gives way to only little good things usually. But when something bad happens to come across me, I'm hit pretty hard.
Like today, I went to my teeth implant guy, and I had to get one of the rod set ups for my fake teeth taken out. The story behind this is that I was born without 2 adult teeth, so without implanting fake teeth into my mouth, I'll have two spaces in my lower row of teeth forever. But by getting braces (which I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally don't like having) to move my teeth to give way to the fake teeth, going through surgery to impant these metal rods into my jaw, and placing crowns on these rods, I can acquire fake teeth.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT I guess I'm not so lucky, cause one of the rods ended up loose somehow. Apparently, there was ONLY a 95% chance that nothing would go wrong -.-". Dang that 5% lol ><. Yea soooooo it looks like I'll have todeal with unexpected teeth issues and will have to go through the surgery and drugging again. Woohoo~ lol.
But yea, seriously, bad luck much? Recently, I've also faced some trouble in stat class, where my teacher ended up losing one of my tests, and a hw for a while. Haha then there are the little events caused by bad luck or coincidences or whatever. Like, I ended up missing a day of school, but by the end of the day I realized how badly I needed to go to school that day. It was such a huge like, twist of fate or irony or something ><.
Haha but back to the central topic. I feel that if I admit I have bad luck, I'll have bad luck all the time. They say that to fix a problem, you have to admit you have one, but I don't think that applies to this situation. I feel that if I let myslef I admit that I have bad luck or am depressed or whatever, I'll be holding a big, heavy, dark, and negative weight on my shoulders, and in my heart too. I can't let that happen.
So as long as I feel this dense negative threat, I'll always fight the ideas of bad luck that I have. =)
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