Soooooooooo I went home... at first!!! ^^ I had to pick up two checks that I kept forgetting to bring to school. I need them so I could take the AP English Language Exam instead of the AP Literature Exam I signed up for. Haha I didn't know the difference between them at the time ^^".
So I drove to school, ran in, handed in the checks, got my old check for the lit. exam back, and went off to a review session for the bio AP test. I didn't really learn much, but by going, I ended up learning that I needed a buy a new AP Bio Test Book. The ones I had weren't that great. Apparently, Kaplan has a lot of mistakes in it, and Princeton Review is too easy.
Anyways, after the session, I hung out with HG for a bit, we went to the library/infocentre cuz she wanted to review what we had learned in the session. EE was there too, doin physics hw. Haha I was kinda tempted to leave cuz they get along so well and I didn't wanna be a quiet, awkward presence that didn't have anything to say. But I stayed for a bit, talked with them, and decided to go home.
I made a trip to the bathroom, and pondered about whether or not I should look for some of my friends that might be outside, cuz I saw AZ througha window, so I assumed that she was going to hang out with ppl. But I decided that it was too much trouble and that there was a really big chnace that I wouldn't find anyone and would've searched for nothing. Haha I made the right choice. Turns out she went to a play practive in the farmhouse near the school. =)
So was about to leave when I heard running footsteps behind me... and was suddenly tackled from behind... hard!!! haha I knew who attacked me without even having to look, it was XG!!! ^^ I had wondered where she was cuz she always stays after and I didn't see her anywhere.
So I decided to stay a bit longer and hang with her. haha I saw EW as she was leaving and apparently, she has her drivers permit now!!! XD Good for her!!!
So I didn't plan to stay too long, cuz I wanted to go home, cuz I told HG that I was going home, and cuz I never really told my mom that I was gonna stay at school after dropping off the checks. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I ended up sticking around until 4. Hahaha just 40 minutes longer than planned. :D
So I talked with her, got kicked by her, got hit by her, had my shoe laces attacked by her, got hit in the head by her flute case, got hit by rocks, got hit on my glasses (yay eye protection!), and just hung out with her =). Haha the violence mentioned isn't as bad as it might sound... though, then again, it's me, so I think I deal with all these things better than others :D. Then again, I don't think anyone else would allow such things to happen to them at all! Haha oh well, it's more fun and interesting this way.
Haha and before anyone thinks that I'm letting my self get pushed over, I wanna say that I did retaliate!!! xD Poking her sides, fuzzing her hair, beating her in verbal battles (haha she's the only one that I've ever managed to win over XD), hood attacking her, doing some tickling thing on her knees, stealing her flute case, moving her around as I wished by taking hold of her backpack, and more!!! XDXDXD
Hahaha some funny things that happened. I looked outside and said, "ohh! A bird!!!" and XG actaully looked away and I managed to take hold of her backpack!!! HAHAHA AWESOME. She accidently hit me with her flute case, so I learned that it was a leathal weapon. HAHAHA also, she took out her water bottle, and I was jokingly gonna say something about it being a lethal weapon like the flute case... but she actually hit me withthe bottle hahahahaha. WOW XD. One of the times when I took her flute, I accidentally almost knocked over a sign on the sidewalk! Hahaha I caught it in time though, and set it up again. Haha another time I took her flute, I made my way to my car and locked myself in! Hahaha I actually did something like with her at barnes and nobles once!!! I should totally blog about that another time cuz this post is getting long haha. That was a fun day too!!! XD
Haha so she wanted to walk home, something I forbid her to do cuz its dangerous and stuff and I don't feel confortable letting her walk home, at least when she's alone. Some parts of the road lack sidewalks and safe sidelines for walking. Haha truthfully, I kinda have a "she could get hurt or die" feeling in my chest. So I just really prefer her taking the bus home. Haha plus, she's told me all these horror stories about bad drivers and close calls during the other times she's walked home. Haha so stalled her and made her take the 4'0'clock late bus XD. GOOD JOB ME!!!
Hahaha she kept telling me how dumb I was in a.. uhh excited and energetic voice hahaha but I just took it as if she wsa thanking me. Haha after all, this is XG I'm dealing with!!! And if XG ever reads this post, I'd just like to say that I'm good at interpreting her "language"!!!! XD
Haha so HG and EE ended up seeing me, and I felt kinda bad cuz I told them I was leaving, but ended up staying with XG instead. But I didn't let this thought get to me. I probably should've brought the topic up in a apologetic tone, but that didn't occur to me until now haha.
Anyways, after making sure that XG took the bus home, I went off and did something that I hadn't done in a long time, wave good bye to HG as she drove home!!! Hahaha it's something EE (shemvil girl, not EE Korean guy) started, and I just continued it after she couldn't do it anymroe cuz of track practice. I've occasionally brought other people to wave with me hahaha that was fun.
So when her car came up, with HG driving and her mom and sister riding along, I waved and yelled "long time no see!!! =D" cuz HG told me how her mom always asked where I was when I wasn't there waving hahahaha. Her mom yelled out "we missed you!" and I was like "Thanks!!!" and started to run to my car hahaha. I saw EE (guy) driving away as a ran and waved. He waved back! hahaha. Then I finally went home. I had a pretty fun time this afterschool!!!! XDXDXD
=)
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
PIGGY BACKING!!! HAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHA
Soooooooooo my school has these days called fitness days. We have them 2 times a week in gym class. They usually stink... a lot. Everybody always complains about it. haha one time, some kids tried to boycott it by not changing... they failed. They all just got marked down instead. I don't mind them too much. Fitness days have always given me the chance to see friends in other gym classes. Haha, though I usually don't mind them, since I'm injured and all, it's kinda hard to to the exercises cuz I might hurt myself more ><. Ahhhhhh but I manage =D.
Haha anyways, today's fitness day consisted of the gym classes doing plyometrics across the football field. Those are kinda fun. I like running. Though, this time was kinda bad, cuz I realized how out of shape I was. I always thought that I still had a decent physical ability and running speed, not as much as I had when I was still running cross-country, but not that bad. haha by the end of the period, I was sore.
Haha anyways, during the period, instead of doing plyometrics, we did something that turned out pretty... very awesome!!! XD hahahaha it was totally unexpected too! PIGGY BACK RIDING!!! hahaha everyone was ocnfused at first!!!! =D We all had to partner up with someone in our group and piggy back the partner across the field. Then the partners would switch roles and come back to the starting point. haha the people in my group were EN, NM, and AH. We split up so that the partners were one guy and one girl. so I was partnered w/ AH.
So EN and NM went first, NM on EN's back, and they ran off! Hahaha it was great! Everyone was laughing. Hahahahahaha it was HILARIOUS when EN (girl) tried to carry NM back!!! hahaha I think EN is strong, but not strong enough to cary a guy like twice her weight and height. hahaha so she trieeeeeeeed... but she was like, collapsing after a few steps. HAHAHAHA FUNNY!!! XD So NM ended up carrying EN again back to the starting line. Then it was my and AH's turn!!!! =)
Soooooooooo I never piggybacked a person in a whiiiiiiile. hmm.... make that a long while. Haha I've kinda... always... wondered what it was like to carry a girl... haha like in a manga! ^^" Never really imagined that I would get the chance! Not that I thought about it that much haha.
Soooooooo I ran across the field!!! I kinda reget bouncing her around on my back ^^". I should've ran more smoothly. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut the event was exciting, so it didn't occur to me! XD IT WAS SO MUCH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!! XDXDXD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. She wasn't that heavy. Haha in fact, she apologized for like, literally weighing me down but I told her that she wasn't that heavy!!! ^^ I think that was a good/right thing to say!!! XD Haha and... well... haha it was just a really nice experience to carry a girl... soft... fun... nice... haha. And she's kinda pretty too... ANYWAYYYYS =D.
Don't be mean! Don't judge me!!! ^^ Sorry if what I just said was offensive!
So when I reached theend of the field, we were like, yeaaaaaaaaaa no way AH can carry me. Hahaha so I didn't even bother setting her down, I just turned around and ran back!!! XD hahahah THAT WAS SOOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUCH FUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! XD
Haha when we were heading back inside, everyone agreed that today's fitness day felt short even though we did more things and that it was pretty fun! Especially the piggy back riding part.
Haha I was in a good mood after that, even though I had to take a bio test right after. Haha it was kinda freaky. I went to a restroom after gym ended and I looked in the mirror and I looked like, dead. Like, grayish, clammy face and stuff. Hahaha and I felt seriosly energy deprived and empty headed too. I never felt like that before ^_^".
Haha I'm really glad that I've toughened up. I was able to keep a strong hold on myself despite my tired condition. Haha and I feel that I did pretty well on that bio test too! Though, now I'm kinda scared that I did kinda bad after all. Really hope I did well though, cuz this was the lst major bio test of the year.... my SENIOR YEAR!!! ><" yea. so I studied kinda hard, but I wish I studied more.
Other good parts of the day was having a sub in english, making myself have a nice nap in econ, having my stat teacher find my hw that she lost, and hanging out with people afterschool!
Hmm I've written a lot on this post, I'll make anew one to talk about what happened afterschool! XD. The piggy backing event today was FUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! XDXDXD
Soooooooooo my school has these days called fitness days. We have them 2 times a week in gym class. They usually stink... a lot. Everybody always complains about it. haha one time, some kids tried to boycott it by not changing... they failed. They all just got marked down instead. I don't mind them too much. Fitness days have always given me the chance to see friends in other gym classes. Haha, though I usually don't mind them, since I'm injured and all, it's kinda hard to to the exercises cuz I might hurt myself more ><. Ahhhhhh but I manage =D.
Haha anyways, today's fitness day consisted of the gym classes doing plyometrics across the football field. Those are kinda fun. I like running. Though, this time was kinda bad, cuz I realized how out of shape I was. I always thought that I still had a decent physical ability and running speed, not as much as I had when I was still running cross-country, but not that bad. haha by the end of the period, I was sore.
Haha anyways, during the period, instead of doing plyometrics, we did something that turned out pretty... very awesome!!! XD hahahaha it was totally unexpected too! PIGGY BACK RIDING!!! hahaha everyone was ocnfused at first!!!! =D We all had to partner up with someone in our group and piggy back the partner across the field. Then the partners would switch roles and come back to the starting point. haha the people in my group were EN, NM, and AH. We split up so that the partners were one guy and one girl. so I was partnered w/ AH.
So EN and NM went first, NM on EN's back, and they ran off! Hahaha it was great! Everyone was laughing. Hahahahahaha it was HILARIOUS when EN (girl) tried to carry NM back!!! hahaha I think EN is strong, but not strong enough to cary a guy like twice her weight and height. hahaha so she trieeeeeeeed... but she was like, collapsing after a few steps. HAHAHAHA FUNNY!!! XD So NM ended up carrying EN again back to the starting line. Then it was my and AH's turn!!!! =)
Soooooooooo I never piggybacked a person in a whiiiiiiile. hmm.... make that a long while. Haha I've kinda... always... wondered what it was like to carry a girl... haha like in a manga! ^^" Never really imagined that I would get the chance! Not that I thought about it that much haha.
Soooooooo I ran across the field!!! I kinda reget bouncing her around on my back ^^". I should've ran more smoothly. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut the event was exciting, so it didn't occur to me! XD IT WAS SO MUCH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!! XDXDXD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. She wasn't that heavy. Haha in fact, she apologized for like, literally weighing me down but I told her that she wasn't that heavy!!! ^^ I think that was a good/right thing to say!!! XD Haha and... well... haha it was just a really nice experience to carry a girl... soft... fun... nice... haha. And she's kinda pretty too... ANYWAYYYYS =D.
Don't be mean! Don't judge me!!! ^^ Sorry if what I just said was offensive!
So when I reached theend of the field, we were like, yeaaaaaaaaaa no way AH can carry me. Hahaha so I didn't even bother setting her down, I just turned around and ran back!!! XD hahahah THAT WAS SOOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUCH FUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! XD
Haha when we were heading back inside, everyone agreed that today's fitness day felt short even though we did more things and that it was pretty fun! Especially the piggy back riding part.
Haha I was in a good mood after that, even though I had to take a bio test right after. Haha it was kinda freaky. I went to a restroom after gym ended and I looked in the mirror and I looked like, dead. Like, grayish, clammy face and stuff. Hahaha and I felt seriosly energy deprived and empty headed too. I never felt like that before ^_^".
Haha I'm really glad that I've toughened up. I was able to keep a strong hold on myself despite my tired condition. Haha and I feel that I did pretty well on that bio test too! Though, now I'm kinda scared that I did kinda bad after all. Really hope I did well though, cuz this was the lst major bio test of the year.... my SENIOR YEAR!!! ><" yea. so I studied kinda hard, but I wish I studied more.
Other good parts of the day was having a sub in english, making myself have a nice nap in econ, having my stat teacher find my hw that she lost, and hanging out with people afterschool!
Hmm I've written a lot on this post, I'll make anew one to talk about what happened afterschool! XD. The piggy backing event today was FUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! XDXDXD
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Easily Injured
Hmmm I don't seem to heal well.
I mean, I got a knee injury, an achilles heel injury, a wrist injury, and a elbow injury... all on my right side. ANNNNNND I got a back injury too! It's been MONTHS since I've gotten all these injuries, so either I'm not doing something right, or my body stinks at healing.... maybe its both ^^". I mean, there have been times when I've felt that some parts of my body have been getting better, and recently, my injured areas have been healing well, but usually, the injuries get worse. The severity of my injuries go up and down ><.
I'd say that I deal with injuries well. Although I react like I've been really hurt... I'm actually fine.. the only reason that I react like that at all is because of some girls I know that have gotten me into a bad habit... I'll go into that later :D. Really, I deal with physical pain well. Hits, cuts, scrapes, and so on. I'm okay with them. But that doesn't mean that I don't wanna avoid them. ^^
Injuries of the heart however, are things that I don't deal with well... but I've gained a better resistance to them since my younger days... as in last year and earlier. I get confused a lot of the time. Like, what did this person mean by this? Or did I say something wrong? what did I do? Should I apologize? Is this person upset with me? And so on. It really kills me when I'm thinking these things to myself. That's why I'm working on building the confidence that will stand strong against these meaningless and insignificant worries I have. So far, so good. :)
But it's not just worries about myself that kill me. I stress out over the pain of others. And while I don't really see this as a bad thing, I wish I had the ability to help solve the problems of others as long as I have this trait, because I'm just making myself suffer.
I want to be able to help the people around me... help solve their problems.. get along better with them... but unfortuneately, I kinda stink at all of this. Ugh, this issue of mine is one of the only things about me that I feel really haven't improved. Oh well, I'm going to improve myself. I have to and I WILL. =)
Haha but yea, I think if anybody seriously insulted me, especially when cursing at the same time,one of two things would happen I would act tough and ask the guy what his problem was or something... orrrrrrr I would cry on the inside, and very unlikely, the outside... but I think that would only happen if a friend did or said something bad to me. Haha yea, cry. I have a pretty weak innerself... at least I did in the past. I really have toughened up over the years.
Haha in fact, I've recently thought that if I could, I would go back in time to last year, and beat some sense into myself, physically AND verbally... as in punching myself in the face and telling me to grow a ___... yea. XD
I've let things get me down way too easily in the past... and now I'm seriously tired (and sick) of it. That's why I've maned up recently. Still got some ways to go though. But I'll get there!!!
I mean, I got a knee injury, an achilles heel injury, a wrist injury, and a elbow injury... all on my right side. ANNNNNND I got a back injury too! It's been MONTHS since I've gotten all these injuries, so either I'm not doing something right, or my body stinks at healing.... maybe its both ^^". I mean, there have been times when I've felt that some parts of my body have been getting better, and recently, my injured areas have been healing well, but usually, the injuries get worse. The severity of my injuries go up and down ><.
I'd say that I deal with injuries well. Although I react like I've been really hurt... I'm actually fine.. the only reason that I react like that at all is because of some girls I know that have gotten me into a bad habit... I'll go into that later :D. Really, I deal with physical pain well. Hits, cuts, scrapes, and so on. I'm okay with them. But that doesn't mean that I don't wanna avoid them. ^^
Injuries of the heart however, are things that I don't deal with well... but I've gained a better resistance to them since my younger days... as in last year and earlier. I get confused a lot of the time. Like, what did this person mean by this? Or did I say something wrong? what did I do? Should I apologize? Is this person upset with me? And so on. It really kills me when I'm thinking these things to myself. That's why I'm working on building the confidence that will stand strong against these meaningless and insignificant worries I have. So far, so good. :)
But it's not just worries about myself that kill me. I stress out over the pain of others. And while I don't really see this as a bad thing, I wish I had the ability to help solve the problems of others as long as I have this trait, because I'm just making myself suffer.
I want to be able to help the people around me... help solve their problems.. get along better with them... but unfortuneately, I kinda stink at all of this. Ugh, this issue of mine is one of the only things about me that I feel really haven't improved. Oh well, I'm going to improve myself. I have to and I WILL. =)
Haha but yea, I think if anybody seriously insulted me, especially when cursing at the same time,one of two things would happen I would act tough and ask the guy what his problem was or something... orrrrrrr I would cry on the inside, and very unlikely, the outside... but I think that would only happen if a friend did or said something bad to me. Haha yea, cry. I have a pretty weak innerself... at least I did in the past. I really have toughened up over the years.
Haha in fact, I've recently thought that if I could, I would go back in time to last year, and beat some sense into myself, physically AND verbally... as in punching myself in the face and telling me to grow a ___... yea. XD
I've let things get me down way too easily in the past... and now I'm seriously tired (and sick) of it. That's why I've maned up recently. Still got some ways to go though. But I'll get there!!!
Straws
Haha so I guy I know was like "Hey man, are you serious?" during lunch today. And I was like, "what?" And he made a gesture to my chocolate milk, and I said "hey! I like it! gezz haha." And he was like, "no man! the straw!" I was like, "huh?! What's wrong w/ it?!" He said that only little kids use straws... or girls.
I was like, "hey man, what's wrong with it?!" and in my mind, I was thinking "well I don't want my lips to touch that nasty carton! and its easier to drink with a straw!!! gezz ^^"." yeaaaaa I guess he was joking, but still!! Ugh... my pride!!! haha I knew that straws were kinda kiddy, but I like to use them to drink cold drinks! So sue me!!! gezz haha. Need some time to recover from that blow to my manhood... hahaha. =D
I was like, "hey man, what's wrong with it?!" and in my mind, I was thinking "well I don't want my lips to touch that nasty carton! and its easier to drink with a straw!!! gezz ^^"." yeaaaaa I guess he was joking, but still!! Ugh... my pride!!! haha I knew that straws were kinda kiddy, but I like to use them to drink cold drinks! So sue me!!! gezz haha. Need some time to recover from that blow to my manhood... hahaha. =D
TV
I watched WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much TV as a kid. I've probably seen episodes of Rugrats and other cartoons over 3 times... that's a lot of TV. Omg.. Fox, Nickolodean, Kids WB, Fox Kids, Cartoon Network, abc family... I... I just watched an unimaginable amount of TV throughout my childhood... to the point that rather than seeing the same episodes of stuff only 3 times... it was probably over 10 times... yea Very bad.
Haha my time was spent on TV while my brother's was spent on video games, so I've always wondered why his eyesight is so much better than mine. Guess TVs do more damage lol. I've kicked the TV addiction since, but I'm still tempted to watch TV shows occasionally, though I'm more into shows with real people now ^^.
Haha nowadays, I watch shows that are funny. Like Scrubs! XD But I watch movies and more serios shows too... but funny shows FTW!!! XDXDXD
Haha my time was spent on TV while my brother's was spent on video games, so I've always wondered why his eyesight is so much better than mine. Guess TVs do more damage lol. I've kicked the TV addiction since, but I'm still tempted to watch TV shows occasionally, though I'm more into shows with real people now ^^.
Haha nowadays, I watch shows that are funny. Like Scrubs! XD But I watch movies and more serios shows too... but funny shows FTW!!! XDXDXD
Monday, April 27, 2009
A Wish for Myself
I once blogged about wishes. Well, for years now, I've wished for one thing. If I could have this wish come true, my life would be pretty close to perfect. I've wished for this during elementary school, middle school, and even high school. Thinking back, I still wish that my wish could've been granted back then, though having my wish granted now would be great nevertheless.
All I've ever wished for was to do well in school.
Haha selfish, right? well, this it a wish that I would make for myself. Of course, if I ever got a chance to have any wish granted like with a genie or something, I'd wish for like, a world without poverty or war or pollution or something grand like that. But this is a wish that I've always wanted... ALWAYS.
So much... SO MUCH strife... tears... pain... damage... marital trouble... family trouble... health problems... mental problems... all of them could have been avoided if I were just smarter. Though I've gained a few things from all of my troubles... I... there are times when I think that what I've gained isn't worth what I've suffered for so many years... and not just me, but my family too.
AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. all of the... ARGH... that could've been avoided... it makes me angry... yet cry inside... haha...
Hmm... well, maybe I should take back what I said about "isn't worth...suffered." I mean, my painful past actually played a large part in making some of the good features of me and my family members.
Oh well, I still want my wish granted. Admittedly, maybe I didn't work hard to have this wish come true... but... haha I can't explain it.. but I have a horrible, stressful feeling within me when I think of how to explian why I couldn't do anything to change things myself. It's like... I feeling in my soul... I'm not exaggerating. Actually, its a feeling in mind, body, AND soul...
But now... now... NOW!!! Things are going to be different... they HAVE to be. I can't afford to not do well in school now, especially in college. So whatever force grants wishes... if you can hear me now...please... HELP ME DO WELL IN SCHOOL
haha I've always felt guilt when making a wish for myself. I mean there are so many people in the world... suffering, starving, dying... they would beg to be in any of the "bad" situations I've had in my life. I've felt this guiltt since I was young... like middle school.. maybe even younger. But still, I can't help but want to make a wish for my sake now. Actually, it was never just for my sake... it was for me... my family... and everybody we affect.
One person affects many.
All I've ever wished for was to do well in school.
Haha selfish, right? well, this it a wish that I would make for myself. Of course, if I ever got a chance to have any wish granted like with a genie or something, I'd wish for like, a world without poverty or war or pollution or something grand like that. But this is a wish that I've always wanted... ALWAYS.
So much... SO MUCH strife... tears... pain... damage... marital trouble... family trouble... health problems... mental problems... all of them could have been avoided if I were just smarter. Though I've gained a few things from all of my troubles... I... there are times when I think that what I've gained isn't worth what I've suffered for so many years... and not just me, but my family too.
AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. all of the... ARGH... that could've been avoided... it makes me angry... yet cry inside... haha...
Hmm... well, maybe I should take back what I said about "isn't worth...suffered." I mean, my painful past actually played a large part in making some of the good features of me and my family members.
Oh well, I still want my wish granted. Admittedly, maybe I didn't work hard to have this wish come true... but... haha I can't explain it.. but I have a horrible, stressful feeling within me when I think of how to explian why I couldn't do anything to change things myself. It's like... I feeling in my soul... I'm not exaggerating. Actually, its a feeling in mind, body, AND soul...
But now... now... NOW!!! Things are going to be different... they HAVE to be. I can't afford to not do well in school now, especially in college. So whatever force grants wishes... if you can hear me now...please... HELP ME DO WELL IN SCHOOL
haha I've always felt guilt when making a wish for myself. I mean there are so many people in the world... suffering, starving, dying... they would beg to be in any of the "bad" situations I've had in my life. I've felt this guiltt since I was young... like middle school.. maybe even younger. But still, I can't help but want to make a wish for my sake now. Actually, it was never just for my sake... it was for me... my family... and everybody we affect.
One person affects many.
Love in My Life
Blah... interesting thing it is...love. It can arouse so many... weird feeling and reactions in a person. Tightness of the chest, an embarrassed yet happy feeling, a mind that sometimes goes crazy over the person one has in mind... wow.
haha but I think it must be nice to have a partner... girlfriend that is. I imagine that a guy would be very happy to have one... haha yea, I've never had one before, but that doesn't mean that I've never fallen in love before.
haha when I was in grade school, I knew this girl named Kelsey Deleany (think that was how you spelled her last name. She was a pretty cute girl as I remember. She lived a few houses down the street I used to like in. haha I used to live on 80 Everygreen Avenue, New Providence, NJ. It was nice there. When I has a kid, we hung out a lot together. It was nice =).
haha I remember one time, I hurt myself with like, a wooden train track by getting my leg skin pinched really hard and that she rushed to her mom to help me ^^. lol Kills my pride to type this, but she and I played with her barbie dolls. Hey! I was like, 6! I didn't know they were for girls! gezz! ^^. Haha another time, she hid a grade she got back from me. It was a 86 or something, which must've been bad for grade school I guess... don't remember. She got angry at me for looking and after ignoring me for a while, finally forgave me. I said it was okay, but I wish I said "I'm sorry too! for looking." haha but I guess I wasn't that smart and well-mannered then. >< oh well, we got along again. XD
It was so long ago... and I'm not sure what I felt was like, a I like you feeling or just the new feeling of a guy hanging with his first girl friend (not girlfriend) ever. Either way, I had a lot of fun with her.
She was a nice girl. But I think... somehow (I don't remember. some fight? we grew distance?)... we grew apart... and eventually... she moved away... and I never heard from her again. I've always kinda regreted losing my friendship with her. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever meet her, or the other people I've met in my life ever again. I kinda hope I do. X)
Haha I remember I had another girl friend named Caitlin.... something... never learned her last name ^^". Again, grade school! My bad for not remembering. Anyways, she wasn't exactly cute like Kelsey was, but she was alright. haha she had curly hair and was a bit chubby. She also spoke like... hmm like a proper lady kinda a person. haha. She was a nice person too! And I got along with her well. But... one day, she just disappeared. I later learned that her parents had decided to home school her. I had no way of contacting her either. Sometimes I wonder what happened to her, and if she's still getting homeschooled.
Haha now comes the final girl that I've ever hung out with... until I reached middle school. Sarah... Yoon I think her last name was? Haha I didn't like like her though. Her mother and father were members of my old church and I guess my parents befriended them there. She was a korean girl about my age, I think she was a few months older though. I don't really remember what she looked like... she moved away... and at the same time as Tony, the friend of mine I mentioned in an earlier post. My memories with her are hazy, but I think we had fun together. I kinda recall running around with her on a field at a church event, seeign her at church, hitting a pinata at her b-day party, hanging out with her and tony at my old house... I thikn we really had fun together. ^^
Well anyways, recently, I've begun to think that I have no interest in any girl in my grade, and have thought that I'll just have to wait, hope, and see what happens in college. All the girls I know have boyfriends, are out of my league (or at least I feel that way), wouldn't get along with me in a realationship, or are just girls that I don't really want as a girlfriend.
haha after my "crushes" (I quote it cuz like I said before, I'm not sure if I likesd them as friends or more-ish) in grade school, I've only actually liked one person... though recently, though I don't want to admit it, there maybe be a second. haha her name was AZ. Truthfully, I think I only liked her for two reasons. One, I thought she was someone she actually wasn't. And two, I liked her during my junior year, which is when she became my friend. (unfortuneately, I didn't get to know her well until serior year... haha if I knew then what I knew now I problably wouldn't have liked her like I did). Like I've mentioned a few times before... junior year... bad. Like really bad. Now that I think about it, I always tried to talk to her. Me talking with her was like, the highlight of my day at the time. I guess a lot of my feelings for her were fueled by the badness of my life at the time.
Haha I remember having a killing feeling in my chest when things didn't really go the way I wanted when I talked to her. There are still times when she's just completely like blah. Nonreceptive to my presence really. But now, I just don't care. At all ^^. Haha I even secretly gave her valentine's day chocolate. Though, I kinda got aggravated by the fact that she cared more about how it got there rather than the gesture itself. I mean seriously, that kinda ruined it for me. haha oh well. I kinda regret ever liking her now, but I just gotta move on and junk.
Now comes my most recent issue. I'm really confused now. I don't know whether I like this girl or not... and even if I do, I'm not really sure if I should like her at all. She's a very interesting girl. I have fun when I'm with her. haha I'm not afraid to act as dumb as a want unlike when I'm with my other friends. I worry about her... so here's where it gets kinda complicated... I don't know if this is a love like how a parent loves and worries about his/her kid or maybe if I'm just caring too much or what. Haha I also have the impression that a guy likes her already, though personally, I don't think they relly get along together at all. Haha back then the impression was stronger, but recently, I've been having huge doubts that this impression is correct. I also have the impression that this girl has someone she likes already.
Ugh, but I gotta sort out my own feelings before I worry about anyone else's. I don't understand. When the someone joking asked if I liked her, the idea persisted in my head (not b/c I actually had feelings for the girl, but because I'm easily impressionable) so I quelled this idea with ease. With the two impressions I listed above, I convinced myself that the confusion and difficulties that would come if I admitted to myself that I liked this girl would be WAY too complicated and overwhelming... but now... NOW!!! WHY!!?! I suddenly kinda feel like how I did with AZ! Excited to talk to her and more!!! WHY?!?! I'm suppressing these unsure feelings of mine. Somehow, I really doubt that she would like me back, despite the first impression I mentioned being nearly concluded as wrong.
I... JUST... DON'T... KNOW. DO I LIKE THIS GIRL OR NOT! AHHHHHHH IT'S DRIVING MY MIND INSANE!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF HER ANYMORE. And my mind is going off on its own thinking ideas of love about her. Ugh. I don't know what to do!!!
I think these feelings first came about because of my excessive care and worry about her... I guess my tendency to worry about other people (which I don't like saying I have since it makes me feel... arrogant (right word?) about myself)... especially girls... turned into feelings?!!?
Ugh. Guess I'll just have to wait and see. For now, I'll try to suppress my "feelings." Hope things work out well for everyone! ^^"
haha but I think it must be nice to have a partner... girlfriend that is. I imagine that a guy would be very happy to have one... haha yea, I've never had one before, but that doesn't mean that I've never fallen in love before.
haha when I was in grade school, I knew this girl named Kelsey Deleany (think that was how you spelled her last name. She was a pretty cute girl as I remember. She lived a few houses down the street I used to like in. haha I used to live on 80 Everygreen Avenue, New Providence, NJ. It was nice there. When I has a kid, we hung out a lot together. It was nice =).
haha I remember one time, I hurt myself with like, a wooden train track by getting my leg skin pinched really hard and that she rushed to her mom to help me ^^. lol Kills my pride to type this, but she and I played with her barbie dolls. Hey! I was like, 6! I didn't know they were for girls! gezz! ^^. Haha another time, she hid a grade she got back from me. It was a 86 or something, which must've been bad for grade school I guess... don't remember. She got angry at me for looking and after ignoring me for a while, finally forgave me. I said it was okay, but I wish I said "I'm sorry too! for looking." haha but I guess I wasn't that smart and well-mannered then. >< oh well, we got along again. XD
It was so long ago... and I'm not sure what I felt was like, a I like you feeling or just the new feeling of a guy hanging with his first girl friend (not girlfriend) ever. Either way, I had a lot of fun with her.
She was a nice girl. But I think... somehow (I don't remember. some fight? we grew distance?)... we grew apart... and eventually... she moved away... and I never heard from her again. I've always kinda regreted losing my friendship with her. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever meet her, or the other people I've met in my life ever again. I kinda hope I do. X)
Haha I remember I had another girl friend named Caitlin.... something... never learned her last name ^^". Again, grade school! My bad for not remembering. Anyways, she wasn't exactly cute like Kelsey was, but she was alright. haha she had curly hair and was a bit chubby. She also spoke like... hmm like a proper lady kinda a person. haha. She was a nice person too! And I got along with her well. But... one day, she just disappeared. I later learned that her parents had decided to home school her. I had no way of contacting her either. Sometimes I wonder what happened to her, and if she's still getting homeschooled.
Haha now comes the final girl that I've ever hung out with... until I reached middle school. Sarah... Yoon I think her last name was? Haha I didn't like like her though. Her mother and father were members of my old church and I guess my parents befriended them there. She was a korean girl about my age, I think she was a few months older though. I don't really remember what she looked like... she moved away... and at the same time as Tony, the friend of mine I mentioned in an earlier post. My memories with her are hazy, but I think we had fun together. I kinda recall running around with her on a field at a church event, seeign her at church, hitting a pinata at her b-day party, hanging out with her and tony at my old house... I thikn we really had fun together. ^^
Well anyways, recently, I've begun to think that I have no interest in any girl in my grade, and have thought that I'll just have to wait, hope, and see what happens in college. All the girls I know have boyfriends, are out of my league (or at least I feel that way), wouldn't get along with me in a realationship, or are just girls that I don't really want as a girlfriend.
haha after my "crushes" (I quote it cuz like I said before, I'm not sure if I likesd them as friends or more-ish) in grade school, I've only actually liked one person... though recently, though I don't want to admit it, there maybe be a second. haha her name was AZ. Truthfully, I think I only liked her for two reasons. One, I thought she was someone she actually wasn't. And two, I liked her during my junior year, which is when she became my friend. (unfortuneately, I didn't get to know her well until serior year... haha if I knew then what I knew now I problably wouldn't have liked her like I did). Like I've mentioned a few times before... junior year... bad. Like really bad. Now that I think about it, I always tried to talk to her. Me talking with her was like, the highlight of my day at the time. I guess a lot of my feelings for her were fueled by the badness of my life at the time.
Haha I remember having a killing feeling in my chest when things didn't really go the way I wanted when I talked to her. There are still times when she's just completely like blah. Nonreceptive to my presence really. But now, I just don't care. At all ^^. Haha I even secretly gave her valentine's day chocolate. Though, I kinda got aggravated by the fact that she cared more about how it got there rather than the gesture itself. I mean seriously, that kinda ruined it for me. haha oh well. I kinda regret ever liking her now, but I just gotta move on and junk.
Now comes my most recent issue. I'm really confused now. I don't know whether I like this girl or not... and even if I do, I'm not really sure if I should like her at all. She's a very interesting girl. I have fun when I'm with her. haha I'm not afraid to act as dumb as a want unlike when I'm with my other friends. I worry about her... so here's where it gets kinda complicated... I don't know if this is a love like how a parent loves and worries about his/her kid or maybe if I'm just caring too much or what. Haha I also have the impression that a guy likes her already, though personally, I don't think they relly get along together at all. Haha back then the impression was stronger, but recently, I've been having huge doubts that this impression is correct. I also have the impression that this girl has someone she likes already.
Ugh, but I gotta sort out my own feelings before I worry about anyone else's. I don't understand. When the someone joking asked if I liked her, the idea persisted in my head (not b/c I actually had feelings for the girl, but because I'm easily impressionable) so I quelled this idea with ease. With the two impressions I listed above, I convinced myself that the confusion and difficulties that would come if I admitted to myself that I liked this girl would be WAY too complicated and overwhelming... but now... NOW!!! WHY!!?! I suddenly kinda feel like how I did with AZ! Excited to talk to her and more!!! WHY?!?! I'm suppressing these unsure feelings of mine. Somehow, I really doubt that she would like me back, despite the first impression I mentioned being nearly concluded as wrong.
I... JUST... DON'T... KNOW. DO I LIKE THIS GIRL OR NOT! AHHHHHHH IT'S DRIVING MY MIND INSANE!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF HER ANYMORE. And my mind is going off on its own thinking ideas of love about her. Ugh. I don't know what to do!!!
I think these feelings first came about because of my excessive care and worry about her... I guess my tendency to worry about other people (which I don't like saying I have since it makes me feel... arrogant (right word?) about myself)... especially girls... turned into feelings?!!?
Ugh. Guess I'll just have to wait and see. For now, I'll try to suppress my "feelings." Hope things work out well for everyone! ^^"
Closed Mind
MY MIND... REALLY... ANNOYS ME.
Especially with my studies. Like, when I wanna study the textbook or something... I try to read it... but I can like, feel each sentence bouncing off my mind, like there was a wall around it or something. I just can't absorb the information! To make things worse, when this happens, I just can't get myself to sit down and study, and yea, that can lead to grade problems. But I know that I have to just read the material over again and again even if I feel that nothing is getting through to my mind.
The way I see it, I need three days to study textbook chapters, like biology. On the first day, I read the chapter to get my mind ready... get it familiar with the material. On the second day, I read, and I can absorb a lot of info. On the third day, I read the chapter again to increase my familiarity with the material and to make sure I have all my facts sorted out.
But my tendency to be unable to just sit down and read always gets in the way!!! It's so infuriating!!! This tendency... when I have it I get like, a nervous feeling, maybe a cold sweat, a tugging in my chest like I'm dealing with something big. I know its not that big. It's a test I'm dealing with here, not that that really matters. Anyways, I have a really hard time overcoming this feeling. But, I've succeeded in overcoming it several times. =D Doing better. Unlike last year when this feeling first came up. But I wish this feeling would go away for good. It's wasting my time, getting in my way, and making me run away from the problem of studying, and I'm really getting tired of running away from my problems.
I'm glad to say that I'm getting better with school and stuff for the most part. But there are times when I really wish that I could change some things about me a lot faster.^^
Especially with my studies. Like, when I wanna study the textbook or something... I try to read it... but I can like, feel each sentence bouncing off my mind, like there was a wall around it or something. I just can't absorb the information! To make things worse, when this happens, I just can't get myself to sit down and study, and yea, that can lead to grade problems. But I know that I have to just read the material over again and again even if I feel that nothing is getting through to my mind.
The way I see it, I need three days to study textbook chapters, like biology. On the first day, I read the chapter to get my mind ready... get it familiar with the material. On the second day, I read, and I can absorb a lot of info. On the third day, I read the chapter again to increase my familiarity with the material and to make sure I have all my facts sorted out.
But my tendency to be unable to just sit down and read always gets in the way!!! It's so infuriating!!! This tendency... when I have it I get like, a nervous feeling, maybe a cold sweat, a tugging in my chest like I'm dealing with something big. I know its not that big. It's a test I'm dealing with here, not that that really matters. Anyways, I have a really hard time overcoming this feeling. But, I've succeeded in overcoming it several times. =D Doing better. Unlike last year when this feeling first came up. But I wish this feeling would go away for good. It's wasting my time, getting in my way, and making me run away from the problem of studying, and I'm really getting tired of running away from my problems.
I'm glad to say that I'm getting better with school and stuff for the most part. But there are times when I really wish that I could change some things about me a lot faster.^^
Mean Teachers
You know, I'm always surprised by the strange, strict, unfair, and down right evil actions of teachers. I mean, its not like I really don't like them or something. But seriously, isn't a teachers job to help their students? I'm not sure if picking on students or making them suffer is really part of the job description, and I'm sure that it isn't something the the teachers should really do.
Like, I got an english teacher right now who has a pretty strict teaching style. Haha there have been a few times when she's called out my name... just cuz I was looking right at her. haha it's kinda funny. Apparently, she expects the whole class to always make eye-contact with her when she talks. I mean, I know that sstudents are supposed to pay attention in class and all, but that's a liiiiiiiiittle too much. haha "well I don't wanna look at your face! so there!"... is what I've imagined myself saying ^^. haha she's also called me out for sleeping.. even though I wasn't sleeping. Either the angle at which she sees my head But really, its not like she really bothers me. Her... unique demeanor, the annoying way she speaks sarcastically when she's verbally condemning the class for what we did wrong, and.. uh... blah more stuff is actually amusing. Better than having a super evil, angry, yells a lot teacher. Still... it's not like I really like her either :D
Anyways, I heard of evil teachers and unfair teachers, but never before have I heard of teachers who are ACTUALLY evil! Seriously, my friend, XG, accidentally hurt her hand and was actually bleeding pretty badly. She told me that she actually showed her hand to the teacher when she was asking if she could go to the bathroom to take care of it. Guess what the teacher says? NO!!!
I mean seriously, bleeding... lesson... hmmm tough choice. Since when did missing 5 minutes of a lesson really do much? It's called "getting help/notes from a friend"... or it can be called "I don't care." lol. But really. I can imagine even a teacher who doesn't like his students would let a bleeding student out so he/she can avoid making a bloody mess everywhere. Gezz. XG had to wait for the WHOLE class to be over before she could finally get to the nurse. That's really bad! DX
XG also got a zero on an assignment. I mean, I knew her english teacher was bad. But seriously, that's just plain unfair, evil, and not right for a teacher to be doing. XG actually did the assignment. And whether she did well on it or not doesn't matter. a ZERO?!?! Seriously, what's up with this teacher? What happened to helping the students out when they could?! I just want to go to this teacher, and give her a lecture on how a GOOD teacher should try to be like:
"Look. A teacher is supposed to help their students, right? Doesn't that mean you should try to help the kids out grade-wise?!?! I'm not saying that you should bump up a kid's marking period grade by 5 points or let kids take retests whenever they don't do well, BUT COME ON?!?! Things like... bumping a kid's 89.3 to a 89.6 or letting kids hand in things late (w/ a few pts off) should be perfectly fine!!! BUT A ZERO!?!?! COME ON!!! HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF CREDIT FOR JUST DOING THE WORK AT ALL???? Gezz, what kind of teacher are you?!?!! Unfair much???"
haha note that I'm kind yelling and being serious when I'm saying this. ahhhhhh I wish I could help XG out. I hope i'ts alright that I wrote about this. If you're reading this, sorry if I was wrong to write about your personal events. well...I hope you're alright right now...
Like, I got an english teacher right now who has a pretty strict teaching style. Haha there have been a few times when she's called out my name... just cuz I was looking right at her. haha it's kinda funny. Apparently, she expects the whole class to always make eye-contact with her when she talks. I mean, I know that sstudents are supposed to pay attention in class and all, but that's a liiiiiiiiittle too much. haha "well I don't wanna look at your face! so there!"... is what I've imagined myself saying ^^. haha she's also called me out for sleeping.. even though I wasn't sleeping. Either the angle at which she sees my head But really, its not like she really bothers me. Her... unique demeanor, the annoying way she speaks sarcastically when she's verbally condemning the class for what we did wrong, and.. uh... blah more stuff is actually amusing. Better than having a super evil, angry, yells a lot teacher. Still... it's not like I really like her either :D
Anyways, I heard of evil teachers and unfair teachers, but never before have I heard of teachers who are ACTUALLY evil! Seriously, my friend, XG, accidentally hurt her hand and was actually bleeding pretty badly. She told me that she actually showed her hand to the teacher when she was asking if she could go to the bathroom to take care of it. Guess what the teacher says? NO!!!
I mean seriously, bleeding... lesson... hmmm tough choice. Since when did missing 5 minutes of a lesson really do much? It's called "getting help/notes from a friend"... or it can be called "I don't care." lol. But really. I can imagine even a teacher who doesn't like his students would let a bleeding student out so he/she can avoid making a bloody mess everywhere. Gezz. XG had to wait for the WHOLE class to be over before she could finally get to the nurse. That's really bad! DX
XG also got a zero on an assignment. I mean, I knew her english teacher was bad. But seriously, that's just plain unfair, evil, and not right for a teacher to be doing. XG actually did the assignment. And whether she did well on it or not doesn't matter. a ZERO?!?! Seriously, what's up with this teacher? What happened to helping the students out when they could?! I just want to go to this teacher, and give her a lecture on how a GOOD teacher should try to be like:
"Look. A teacher is supposed to help their students, right? Doesn't that mean you should try to help the kids out grade-wise?!?! I'm not saying that you should bump up a kid's marking period grade by 5 points or let kids take retests whenever they don't do well, BUT COME ON?!?! Things like... bumping a kid's 89.3 to a 89.6 or letting kids hand in things late (w/ a few pts off) should be perfectly fine!!! BUT A ZERO!?!?! COME ON!!! HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF CREDIT FOR JUST DOING THE WORK AT ALL???? Gezz, what kind of teacher are you?!?!! Unfair much???"
haha note that I'm kind yelling and being serious when I'm saying this. ahhhhhh I wish I could help XG out. I hope i'ts alright that I wrote about this. If you're reading this, sorry if I was wrong to write about your personal events. well...I hope you're alright right now...
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Hot Days
haha summer is coming!
but I've gotta say, there are some things that'd I'd not rather not have to deal with. For one, I've never been a bot weather liking person. And yeah, I'm not the only one, but ARGH! There are a bunch of irritating things that I don't like dealing with.
Sweating from heat, skin allergies, allergies in general, the constant threat of sunburn, those hot, humid days, the BUGS!!! ugh.
haha also, when I get embarrassed or nervous, my face tends to turn red... and while it's red, I'm always saying "turn back to normal, come on, come on!!!" in my head. haha. Weeeeeeeeeeeell my face turns red more easily when I'm too warm, or just plain hot. And when my face is red, it's not a pretty site... at least I imagine it to be ^^.
And in summer, I have to wear shorts and stuff... and there are some parts of my boday that I prefered to hide with jackets and other long clothes. A lot of my... um... hmmm what's the right word or phrase... bad points are revealed during summer. haha
Ugh, and I don't wanna deal with going outside for gym on super hot days. Not fun.
Ahhhhhhhh well. Summer is still nice. I don't mean to complain so much. Just wanted to get these complaints out of my head. Summer days are nice! Blue skies... brilliant green nature... this season seems full of life! So much sun too! It gives off... a happier setting! haha yeah, stating a known fact here, but summer is a season when people can be full of energy and more!!!
haha and don't forget having fun at pools and the beach ^^. That's great too!!! XD
but I've gotta say, there are some things that'd I'd not rather not have to deal with. For one, I've never been a bot weather liking person. And yeah, I'm not the only one, but ARGH! There are a bunch of irritating things that I don't like dealing with.
Sweating from heat, skin allergies, allergies in general, the constant threat of sunburn, those hot, humid days, the BUGS!!! ugh.
haha also, when I get embarrassed or nervous, my face tends to turn red... and while it's red, I'm always saying "turn back to normal, come on, come on!!!" in my head. haha. Weeeeeeeeeeeell my face turns red more easily when I'm too warm, or just plain hot. And when my face is red, it's not a pretty site... at least I imagine it to be ^^.
And in summer, I have to wear shorts and stuff... and there are some parts of my boday that I prefered to hide with jackets and other long clothes. A lot of my... um... hmmm what's the right word or phrase... bad points are revealed during summer. haha
Ugh, and I don't wanna deal with going outside for gym on super hot days. Not fun.
Ahhhhhhhh well. Summer is still nice. I don't mean to complain so much. Just wanted to get these complaints out of my head. Summer days are nice! Blue skies... brilliant green nature... this season seems full of life! So much sun too! It gives off... a happier setting! haha yeah, stating a known fact here, but summer is a season when people can be full of energy and more!!!
haha and don't forget having fun at pools and the beach ^^. That's great too!!! XD
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Guy Friends
haha since hmmm... entering high school, I've gained a lot of friends... and like I've said before, I've been kinda saddened that I don't really have any close friends. But another thing that bothers me is that... haha I kinda lack friends who are guys.
hahaha not easy to admit, but for a while now, I've mainly hung out with girls, and gotten along better with girls as well. A lot of the guys I know... make lewd jokes and statements, cursing all the while... not in a bad way... but... the thing is, I don't really wanna act like that. And you kinda hve to to fit in with those guys. I don't mind it... but I just can't do it myself, not that I would want to... haha that would require a personality change. ^^
But yea, I realize that guys don't just talk about sports and girls, saying lewd things and cursing. I know they do other stuff too... but I don't know, I just can't get along with them well. But back in my old school, I had a good friend named Wilson Keng. He was a great guy. haha he was kinda fat, but he was tall, hilariously funny, and really smart! He was one of those kids whose parents forced him to only study and didn't buy him games and stuff. haha I laughed sooooooooooooooo hard from his jokes. He was a good person too!
I've met a lot of guys that I was able to be close friends with in the past too. Tony, Anthony, Jung, Damien, Jonathon, Paul... but in the end, somehow... my ties with them were cut off. I don't remember what happened with all of them... some moved away... I moved away too... and some friendships died off for no good reason.
I remember that happened with Anthony. He was my best friend in elementary school, but one day while I was hanging at his house, I hurt myself by getting my leg stuck in the sofa. I was crying in pain, but he didnt see what was the big deal. I guess he was tough, and I was being a bit of a baby. But he was being a bit uncaring too. I told my mom what happened, and she told me to not talk to him anymore.
I shouldn't have listened.
We were kids. Anthony's reaction was kinda understandable. He wasn't being mean or anything. He just failed to see the problem... he still spoke softly and stuff when asking if I was okay. I was a little kid then... but I know now that I shouldn't have listened to my mom like that. I've learned that she has a habit of condemning/judging people to quickly and harshly... haha kinda like my brother. It was because of my inability to think for myself that I lost a good friend.
Recently, I lost a few other good friends, one being Dan Marrero... but I'll write about him later.
Back to the main topic, I really wish I could get along better with the guys I know at school. I feel so distant from them. They can get along with people, guys and girls, so well, yet... I...feel like an outcast... I guess that's what happens when you fail to make really good friends... or just fail at making good friends.
haha in such a short time, two people I know became friends! and they get along really well too! haha pretty sad... naaaah thats not the right word.. more like.. surprising... actually, I'm kinda jealous of their ability to become friends so fast... so easily.
Well, right now, I have soon guy friends. They're really good, nice people. Really smart too. Good friends. Like EU and EN (even though I don't talk to him as much anymore). I'm glad I met them.
haha well, I hope I make a lot of good friends, guys and girls, in college. =D
hahaha not easy to admit, but for a while now, I've mainly hung out with girls, and gotten along better with girls as well. A lot of the guys I know... make lewd jokes and statements, cursing all the while... not in a bad way... but... the thing is, I don't really wanna act like that. And you kinda hve to to fit in with those guys. I don't mind it... but I just can't do it myself, not that I would want to... haha that would require a personality change. ^^
But yea, I realize that guys don't just talk about sports and girls, saying lewd things and cursing. I know they do other stuff too... but I don't know, I just can't get along with them well. But back in my old school, I had a good friend named Wilson Keng. He was a great guy. haha he was kinda fat, but he was tall, hilariously funny, and really smart! He was one of those kids whose parents forced him to only study and didn't buy him games and stuff. haha I laughed sooooooooooooooo hard from his jokes. He was a good person too!
I've met a lot of guys that I was able to be close friends with in the past too. Tony, Anthony, Jung, Damien, Jonathon, Paul... but in the end, somehow... my ties with them were cut off. I don't remember what happened with all of them... some moved away... I moved away too... and some friendships died off for no good reason.
I remember that happened with Anthony. He was my best friend in elementary school, but one day while I was hanging at his house, I hurt myself by getting my leg stuck in the sofa. I was crying in pain, but he didnt see what was the big deal. I guess he was tough, and I was being a bit of a baby. But he was being a bit uncaring too. I told my mom what happened, and she told me to not talk to him anymore.
I shouldn't have listened.
We were kids. Anthony's reaction was kinda understandable. He wasn't being mean or anything. He just failed to see the problem... he still spoke softly and stuff when asking if I was okay. I was a little kid then... but I know now that I shouldn't have listened to my mom like that. I've learned that she has a habit of condemning/judging people to quickly and harshly... haha kinda like my brother. It was because of my inability to think for myself that I lost a good friend.
Recently, I lost a few other good friends, one being Dan Marrero... but I'll write about him later.
Back to the main topic, I really wish I could get along better with the guys I know at school. I feel so distant from them. They can get along with people, guys and girls, so well, yet... I...feel like an outcast... I guess that's what happens when you fail to make really good friends... or just fail at making good friends.
haha in such a short time, two people I know became friends! and they get along really well too! haha pretty sad... naaaah thats not the right word.. more like.. surprising... actually, I'm kinda jealous of their ability to become friends so fast... so easily.
Well, right now, I have soon guy friends. They're really good, nice people. Really smart too. Good friends. Like EU and EN (even though I don't talk to him as much anymore). I'm glad I met them.
haha well, I hope I make a lot of good friends, guys and girls, in college. =D
Thinking
haha this is kinda like my "Running" post from a little while ago. I've always wanted to just... think.
haha well, yea I do that already.. but there's more to this idea. Duuuuuh! ^^
haha where should IIIIII begin... well, I just want to think about what I've dealt with in my life... I don't think I really have a right to say this.... but I feel that I've experienced a lot more than an average person does by my age.
But anyways... I've always just wanted to think... about everything! About all of I've done.. about all I've said... about all I've seen, heard, and believed... about my childhood... about my highschool days... and about now...
How I've acted... my friends... my family.... college... what I want to do with my life... my values... my beliefs.... ohhhhhhhhhhhhh and so much more!!!!
The past. The present. The future. Life in general... who I am... how I should change... what I should do... what I shouldn't do.... what I've regreted... love... behavior... time... studies... ahhhhhhh I could go on and on and onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...
I wish I had all the time I needed to think like this... so then I wouldn't have to worry about doing other things like work and studying. I wish I could do something like this all alone... I want complete solitude... from people, bugs, maybe even the passing by cars.
haha I've tried to do this before a bit... but just laying around made me sleepy... that didnt work out! ^^" haha I want to do this to sort a lot of things in my head out. Help myself get over a lot of the things I've regreted (big and small things).. even since long ago. haha in the past, I was seriously haunted by so many "bad" and embarassing things I've done. haha
Looking at myself now... I'm kinda glad that I turned out so well. I've overcome so many things.. and things are looking better and brighter. Life isnt great... but, I can get things to head in that direaction... to be pretty close to great... one day I hope =D
haha a song that I'm listening to that kinda gives me the feeling for what I just typed above is "So Long Goodbye" by Sum 41.
Waaaaaah so many things to think about... so little time... perhaps I wouldn't be about to come to a conclusion about some things... like I would wish to so by thinking... but.. I think I would get a better feeling of... closure... of the numerous things that have been in my head. I really needed this thinking period last year... now... not as much... but... I think it would still be wonderful... and kinda necessary... to have. I hope that I can do this one day. =)
haha well, yea I do that already.. but there's more to this idea. Duuuuuh! ^^
haha where should IIIIII begin... well, I just want to think about what I've dealt with in my life... I don't think I really have a right to say this.... but I feel that I've experienced a lot more than an average person does by my age.
But anyways... I've always just wanted to think... about everything! About all of I've done.. about all I've said... about all I've seen, heard, and believed... about my childhood... about my highschool days... and about now...
How I've acted... my friends... my family.... college... what I want to do with my life... my values... my beliefs.... ohhhhhhhhhhhhh and so much more!!!!
The past. The present. The future. Life in general... who I am... how I should change... what I should do... what I shouldn't do.... what I've regreted... love... behavior... time... studies... ahhhhhhh I could go on and on and onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...
I wish I had all the time I needed to think like this... so then I wouldn't have to worry about doing other things like work and studying. I wish I could do something like this all alone... I want complete solitude... from people, bugs, maybe even the passing by cars.
haha I've tried to do this before a bit... but just laying around made me sleepy... that didnt work out! ^^" haha I want to do this to sort a lot of things in my head out. Help myself get over a lot of the things I've regreted (big and small things).. even since long ago. haha in the past, I was seriously haunted by so many "bad" and embarassing things I've done. haha
Looking at myself now... I'm kinda glad that I turned out so well. I've overcome so many things.. and things are looking better and brighter. Life isnt great... but, I can get things to head in that direaction... to be pretty close to great... one day I hope =D
haha a song that I'm listening to that kinda gives me the feeling for what I just typed above is "So Long Goodbye" by Sum 41.
Waaaaaah so many things to think about... so little time... perhaps I wouldn't be about to come to a conclusion about some things... like I would wish to so by thinking... but.. I think I would get a better feeling of... closure... of the numerous things that have been in my head. I really needed this thinking period last year... now... not as much... but... I think it would still be wonderful... and kinda necessary... to have. I hope that I can do this one day. =)
Craving
Hahaha so you know how we have a craving for some food or drink sometimes? Weeeeeell right now, I'm craving hard for a mocha frappacino from the starbucks within the barnes and nobles nearby. So good!!!! Sweet, cold ( good for a hot day like today), and just plain yummy! XD
I've had this craving like, for a week or two already... maybe I should go out JUST to get it ^^. haha that reminds me. last summer, I was REALLY craving for some icecream.... or milkshakes... or mccflurries form mcdonalds...mmmmmmmmm XD. I always wanted it, even after I got it! XD In fact, I wouldn't mind having a mcflurry right now!!! hahaha
hmmm thinking back, I've had craving for a lot of foods and drinks.... mostly sweet stuff =D. I like sweets! though, I'm not really a fan of the hard candies. They're alright though.
haha mocha frappacinooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! =)
I've had this craving like, for a week or two already... maybe I should go out JUST to get it ^^. haha that reminds me. last summer, I was REALLY craving for some icecream.... or milkshakes... or mccflurries form mcdonalds...mmmmmmmmm XD. I always wanted it, even after I got it! XD In fact, I wouldn't mind having a mcflurry right now!!! hahaha
hmmm thinking back, I've had craving for a lot of foods and drinks.... mostly sweet stuff =D. I like sweets! though, I'm not really a fan of the hard candies. They're alright though.
haha mocha frappacinooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!! =)
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tough
haha I don't really act tough.
But I'm a guy, maybe I should? I don't know. I've never really found it necessary to act tough... I mean, asides from when I'm having a hard time with something. I mean, simply being tough, as if acting tough as part of who I was.
Since I was... young, I've always given into... almost everything. Always listening to what other people say, without disagreeing or stating my own beliefs. Or letting myself get put down too easily. haha letting myself get a bit bullied be girls (though I don't think that's a truly bad thing. I mean, in a way, being "bullied" has made things more interesting and fun haha).
But I'm glad to say, that I've become more tough. I've improved in a few other ways too I'm glad to say. I can stand up for myself. I don't get nervous easily anymore. You could say I have a better hold on myself. Like, when people say "get a hold of yourself!!!" Like that. ^^ I don't panic as much anymore, and I don't become overwhelmed too easily as well.
Being tough doesn't mean that you act like a jerk or act all gangsta. It doesn't mean that you curse or talk tough or say lewd or mean things. It doesn't mean that you dress a certain way, believe in certain things, or anything little like that. Being tough means so much more than that.
I guess it all comes down to confidence in the end. You have to believe in yourself. You have to support your beliefs, whatever they may be, and talk and act with confidence.
If you don't, you may feel that you're... shrinking. People can walk all over you, and you may end up beating yourself up over something just because you didn't have the guts to do or say anything. Of course, there are times that you may be wrong. Maybe the thing you thought was right, wasn't right at all. Maybe you were wrong to ever believe something. But you can't let a fear of being wrong keep you from having confidence in yourself. When you're wrong, you're wrong. No big deal. If you find out you were wrong about something, well, then you just learned a new thing. No one is perfect, and no one is always right. Or perhaps you are always wrong... does it matter? is being wrong really that big of a deal? what's wrong with being... wrong? That doesn't mean that you can't learn to be right! That doesn't mean that you should hide from society. And that DEFINITELY doesn't mean that you should stop believing in yourself. Because if you don't believe in yourself at least a little bit, it'll be hard to be happy. You can't be overconfident either. What I've mentioned earlier in this paragraph can apply to overconfidence as well as under-confidence. You aren't always right. It's really important to be able to accept that you can be wrong, no matter how much you believe otherwise.
I believe that being tough means that you have confidence in yourself. Not too much confidence (overconfidence) and not too little (under-confidence). If you can lead your life with confidence, I believe that you can truly see the world... and yourself in a better, brighter light...
But I'm a guy, maybe I should? I don't know. I've never really found it necessary to act tough... I mean, asides from when I'm having a hard time with something. I mean, simply being tough, as if acting tough as part of who I was.
Since I was... young, I've always given into... almost everything. Always listening to what other people say, without disagreeing or stating my own beliefs. Or letting myself get put down too easily. haha letting myself get a bit bullied be girls (though I don't think that's a truly bad thing. I mean, in a way, being "bullied" has made things more interesting and fun haha).
But I'm glad to say, that I've become more tough. I've improved in a few other ways too I'm glad to say. I can stand up for myself. I don't get nervous easily anymore. You could say I have a better hold on myself. Like, when people say "get a hold of yourself!!!" Like that. ^^ I don't panic as much anymore, and I don't become overwhelmed too easily as well.
Being tough doesn't mean that you act like a jerk or act all gangsta. It doesn't mean that you curse or talk tough or say lewd or mean things. It doesn't mean that you dress a certain way, believe in certain things, or anything little like that. Being tough means so much more than that.
I guess it all comes down to confidence in the end. You have to believe in yourself. You have to support your beliefs, whatever they may be, and talk and act with confidence.
If you don't, you may feel that you're... shrinking. People can walk all over you, and you may end up beating yourself up over something just because you didn't have the guts to do or say anything. Of course, there are times that you may be wrong. Maybe the thing you thought was right, wasn't right at all. Maybe you were wrong to ever believe something. But you can't let a fear of being wrong keep you from having confidence in yourself. When you're wrong, you're wrong. No big deal. If you find out you were wrong about something, well, then you just learned a new thing. No one is perfect, and no one is always right. Or perhaps you are always wrong... does it matter? is being wrong really that big of a deal? what's wrong with being... wrong? That doesn't mean that you can't learn to be right! That doesn't mean that you should hide from society. And that DEFINITELY doesn't mean that you should stop believing in yourself. Because if you don't believe in yourself at least a little bit, it'll be hard to be happy. You can't be overconfident either. What I've mentioned earlier in this paragraph can apply to overconfidence as well as under-confidence. You aren't always right. It's really important to be able to accept that you can be wrong, no matter how much you believe otherwise.
I believe that being tough means that you have confidence in yourself. Not too much confidence (overconfidence) and not too little (under-confidence). If you can lead your life with confidence, I believe that you can truly see the world... and yourself in a better, brighter light...
Running
Whew!
My hands are kinda exhausted from that last post, but I don't wanna stop just yet.
I've always had the idea that it would nice to just run. Not run away from anything, but just run... to explore, see new things, and more. If I could, and if I felt like it, I think it would be nice to run wherever I want. Through towns, down roads, across fields, through building, along paths, reaching places I've never seen, heard of, or cared to imagine!!!
I think that would be great!!! I could really get a chance to take in my surrounding, and nature too!!! The sky, the weather (good or bad), the people, the sites, the buildings, everything!!! To see it all while moving on my own two feet, it seems like something that could make someone feel... so alive! and happy too! ^^
haha though, I have a few injuries on my right leg and probably wouldn't be able to run too long despite my excited mindset. But even if I was just walking around, ohhhhhhhhhh the things I could see!!! Curious following a path, exploring... its like an ADVENTURE!!! XD
Once I'm in college, I think I'll try to find time to job around the town or look around at... everything around me. I think if I do this, no matter how many times, I would always get a smile on my face.
My hands are kinda exhausted from that last post, but I don't wanna stop just yet.
I've always had the idea that it would nice to just run. Not run away from anything, but just run... to explore, see new things, and more. If I could, and if I felt like it, I think it would be nice to run wherever I want. Through towns, down roads, across fields, through building, along paths, reaching places I've never seen, heard of, or cared to imagine!!!
I think that would be great!!! I could really get a chance to take in my surrounding, and nature too!!! The sky, the weather (good or bad), the people, the sites, the buildings, everything!!! To see it all while moving on my own two feet, it seems like something that could make someone feel... so alive! and happy too! ^^
haha though, I have a few injuries on my right leg and probably wouldn't be able to run too long despite my excited mindset. But even if I was just walking around, ohhhhhhhhhh the things I could see!!! Curious following a path, exploring... its like an ADVENTURE!!! XD
Once I'm in college, I think I'll try to find time to job around the town or look around at... everything around me. I think if I do this, no matter how many times, I would always get a smile on my face.
4/23/09
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell today was a basic, everyday, normal, day.
though, obviously, there are a few differences... =D
haha where to begin... let's start at school.
I have AP econ first. which I'm failing in, big time. As always, I just sat there for the whole period. Didn't fall asleep this time. blegh, not that it really mattered since I never do a single thing in that class. Today was a bit interesting though since we went on a tangent about how jobs are doing in the world right now. I was especially interested in the talk about doctors, since thats what I kinda hope to be one day. I relearned the fact that medical school is very expensive... and that the number of doctors are diminishing. haha there weren't a lot of people in class today,, like in the other days (due to field trips and stuff), this time for the chorus festival trip thing. Anyways, after class for the first time all year, my teacher actually talked to me about me grades in his class, problably because I've been doing even worse than usual. That talk passed by pretty fast.
In the past, I would've taken a talk like that kinda hard and gotten all stressed or depressed for a little bit. But nowadays, I've learned how to deal with adults pretty well, on the outside and the inside. No more nervousness. I just act receptive and appropriate. I guess I should try harder in that classs now, or else things might turn out really bad. But I've never gotten econ... then again, its the only class I've really slacked off in, hardly even trying. But the reason why I didn't try to begin with originates from last year... which I'll write about some other day.
Anyways, I listened to "No Reason" by a punk band, Sum 41, to get my mind off the talk, and headed to english. haha I was kinda surprised to see a friend of mine, AG ( or XG) coming toward me in the hallway. I walked up to her and she was like "what?" haha. though, all I wanted to say was hi. ^^ I said "good morning" and went on to english. haha that kind brightened my mood a bit.
In english class, my unique teacher talked about how our class was the most talkative and interrupting of all the classes, which I admit, is kinda true... gossiping girls and talkative ppls. But its not like I don't like them haha. they make things in that boring class a bit interesting. we conntinued a practive thest we started yesterday and I actually did a lot of the questions pretty quickly. Guess that goes to show you how much a person who sleeps exceeds a person who doesn't. haha cuz every other time I've worked on these things, I've worked really slow... cuz I was sleepy ^^. She gave us some annoying, pointless hw assignments... again... ^^"... and then I was off to stat class.
Recently, I've been doing worse in stat too. The class has gotten kinda needlessly hard and I didnt have any resources that I could use to study from. I miss the time when we'd go over the hw, so I knew how to do the stuff. lol but I'm managing. That class is always interesting thanks to some of the most talkative students in my grade. Always cracking jokes and making interesting comments, and the teacher is pretty recpetive and kind, so things pretty much work out well, making the class fun-ish. =D
Next was gym... fitness daaaaaaaaay. ugh had to walk around the track on a windy day. Not good for a guy with messed up hair like mine. ^^" to make things worse, a bunch of my firends weren't there since it was their lab day, and a underclassman girl (XG) I know has health right now. So I was stuck with a... female friend (NM) of mine. I've known her for a while but I've never really connected with her. Because of this, I kinda miss the old days where she would always poke fun at me haha. Oh well, at least I had conversations with her. In one talk, we talked about jobs, she wants to go into business and ideally go to a bunch of places, find out what people want, and report back to her company so it can act based on her observations. sound interesting. I talked with her about the medical field too. And this talk made me realize even more the maybe a job in the medical field might not work out so well for me. I think I really gotta look into it more. Money, work, and other things are just some of the stuff I gotta look at.
My next class was AP Bio, and my teacher finally came back from her illness. I had fun while she was gone though, visiting lunch periods, talking to a friend of mine (YU). Today, we just took notes again.
After class, I went to my locker as always and prepared to meet a friend of mine that I had seen ealier today, XG. I usually talk to her then, and a little later in the day. I also see another underclassman I know, EW, and sometimes a dude named DU, but they were on the chorus trip. Anyways, XG had a favor to ask of me today. She wanted me to print out her sonnet english assignment for her. I said I would and I saw her off to her history class. haha when I saw her, I was reminded of when I saw her yesterday in all black clothes (cuz she went on a band trip) and a new bag she told me about haha. that was an amusing memory. Wellllllllll I went to the lunch room, wher I have lunch with HG, LU, S...N?, and DN. Things are a bit boring there. LU and SN are like, best friends, and talk to each other most of the time. DN and HG, are unfortunately, kinda distant from me. For some reason, I can never really connect with them.
I wish I could connect better with a lot of people. I feel that I don't really have any close friends. I just have... friends...but more on the surface than the inside. It makes me really sad. I hope I can make close friends in college.
AOSEHtawiuehr. Enough with the depressing typing. Anyways, HG asked me if I wanted to go to an asian night (like china night) thing at some school. I said okay. We all got in a pretty good conversation about movies and other stuff. yay!!! XD
After lunch, I went to find XG but failed. I guess I missed her somehow? haha I kinda wonder why I can't find her sometimes. Anyways, I hung with LU an bit, met with LO, and headed to the english hallway, where XG and my accounting class was. As I thought, XG was magically in her english class already. so fast!!! haha so, I walked in, put the paper on her desk, and smiling all the while, waved at her teacher and left. I think XG thanked me. ^^
In accounting, we did some annoying work again. And as always, I talked to LO about how things were going for her. Apparently, she made up w/ one of her old friends but had cut off ties with the other two... That made me sad. Why can't they just make up. I don't know the whole situation but from what I've heard, they're just being stubborn. Then again, I've never had a friend get mad at me before... hope I handle that well when it happens.
oh haha and LO was kinda high on allergy medication. rofl
Anyways, after class, I made the daily walk w/ LO to her english class, which is kinda on the way to my calc class. but on the way, I saw XG come out of her classroom and while smiling, said in a kinda energetic voice: "hey, thanks!" XDXDXD
haha That made me happy!!! =D Thing like that make me smile, inside and out. I said "your welcome" and continued on my way.
haha apparently, LO's english teacher ran out cuz his baby was due!!! good luck to him!!!! haha kinda coincidental since today was "bring your kid to work day" for the teachers. haha cute kids. nice! ^^
Finally, I came to my last class of the day. Took long enough ^^. I've been doing better in this class lately, and in bio too! (some hard classes). Yay!!! XD haha my calc teacher's been telling me that I've been improving... in front of other ppl. So I felt happy and a bit embarrassed at the same time haha. Well, I tediously made it through that class and got ready to leave school.
I learned that one of my friends had made a petition for my calc teacher, cuz the school was being horrible and possibly casting out teachers. But she lost the petition paper b/c some kid lost it. Hope she gets it back!!! ><
Well, I came home, wasted a bit of time, and was finally able to bring myself to start this post. haha pretty long, but I've always wanted to write about what I did in a day. Isn't that blogs and stuff are for? lol.
Today was a nice, sunny, cool day. I hope the rest of my days are great! =)
though, obviously, there are a few differences... =D
haha where to begin... let's start at school.
I have AP econ first. which I'm failing in, big time. As always, I just sat there for the whole period. Didn't fall asleep this time. blegh, not that it really mattered since I never do a single thing in that class. Today was a bit interesting though since we went on a tangent about how jobs are doing in the world right now. I was especially interested in the talk about doctors, since thats what I kinda hope to be one day. I relearned the fact that medical school is very expensive... and that the number of doctors are diminishing. haha there weren't a lot of people in class today,, like in the other days (due to field trips and stuff), this time for the chorus festival trip thing. Anyways, after class for the first time all year, my teacher actually talked to me about me grades in his class, problably because I've been doing even worse than usual. That talk passed by pretty fast.
In the past, I would've taken a talk like that kinda hard and gotten all stressed or depressed for a little bit. But nowadays, I've learned how to deal with adults pretty well, on the outside and the inside. No more nervousness. I just act receptive and appropriate. I guess I should try harder in that classs now, or else things might turn out really bad. But I've never gotten econ... then again, its the only class I've really slacked off in, hardly even trying. But the reason why I didn't try to begin with originates from last year... which I'll write about some other day.
Anyways, I listened to "No Reason" by a punk band, Sum 41, to get my mind off the talk, and headed to english. haha I was kinda surprised to see a friend of mine, AG ( or XG) coming toward me in the hallway. I walked up to her and she was like "what?" haha. though, all I wanted to say was hi. ^^ I said "good morning" and went on to english. haha that kind brightened my mood a bit.
In english class, my unique teacher talked about how our class was the most talkative and interrupting of all the classes, which I admit, is kinda true... gossiping girls and talkative ppls. But its not like I don't like them haha. they make things in that boring class a bit interesting. we conntinued a practive thest we started yesterday and I actually did a lot of the questions pretty quickly. Guess that goes to show you how much a person who sleeps exceeds a person who doesn't. haha cuz every other time I've worked on these things, I've worked really slow... cuz I was sleepy ^^. She gave us some annoying, pointless hw assignments... again... ^^"... and then I was off to stat class.
Recently, I've been doing worse in stat too. The class has gotten kinda needlessly hard and I didnt have any resources that I could use to study from. I miss the time when we'd go over the hw, so I knew how to do the stuff. lol but I'm managing. That class is always interesting thanks to some of the most talkative students in my grade. Always cracking jokes and making interesting comments, and the teacher is pretty recpetive and kind, so things pretty much work out well, making the class fun-ish. =D
Next was gym... fitness daaaaaaaaay. ugh had to walk around the track on a windy day. Not good for a guy with messed up hair like mine. ^^" to make things worse, a bunch of my firends weren't there since it was their lab day, and a underclassman girl (XG) I know has health right now. So I was stuck with a... female friend (NM) of mine. I've known her for a while but I've never really connected with her. Because of this, I kinda miss the old days where she would always poke fun at me haha. Oh well, at least I had conversations with her. In one talk, we talked about jobs, she wants to go into business and ideally go to a bunch of places, find out what people want, and report back to her company so it can act based on her observations. sound interesting. I talked with her about the medical field too. And this talk made me realize even more the maybe a job in the medical field might not work out so well for me. I think I really gotta look into it more. Money, work, and other things are just some of the stuff I gotta look at.
My next class was AP Bio, and my teacher finally came back from her illness. I had fun while she was gone though, visiting lunch periods, talking to a friend of mine (YU). Today, we just took notes again.
After class, I went to my locker as always and prepared to meet a friend of mine that I had seen ealier today, XG. I usually talk to her then, and a little later in the day. I also see another underclassman I know, EW, and sometimes a dude named DU, but they were on the chorus trip. Anyways, XG had a favor to ask of me today. She wanted me to print out her sonnet english assignment for her. I said I would and I saw her off to her history class. haha when I saw her, I was reminded of when I saw her yesterday in all black clothes (cuz she went on a band trip) and a new bag she told me about haha. that was an amusing memory. Wellllllllll I went to the lunch room, wher I have lunch with HG, LU, S...N?, and DN. Things are a bit boring there. LU and SN are like, best friends, and talk to each other most of the time. DN and HG, are unfortunately, kinda distant from me. For some reason, I can never really connect with them.
I wish I could connect better with a lot of people. I feel that I don't really have any close friends. I just have... friends...but more on the surface than the inside. It makes me really sad. I hope I can make close friends in college.
AOSEHtawiuehr. Enough with the depressing typing. Anyways, HG asked me if I wanted to go to an asian night (like china night) thing at some school. I said okay. We all got in a pretty good conversation about movies and other stuff. yay!!! XD
After lunch, I went to find XG but failed. I guess I missed her somehow? haha I kinda wonder why I can't find her sometimes. Anyways, I hung with LU an bit, met with LO, and headed to the english hallway, where XG and my accounting class was. As I thought, XG was magically in her english class already. so fast!!! haha so, I walked in, put the paper on her desk, and smiling all the while, waved at her teacher and left. I think XG thanked me. ^^
In accounting, we did some annoying work again. And as always, I talked to LO about how things were going for her. Apparently, she made up w/ one of her old friends but had cut off ties with the other two... That made me sad. Why can't they just make up. I don't know the whole situation but from what I've heard, they're just being stubborn. Then again, I've never had a friend get mad at me before... hope I handle that well when it happens.
oh haha and LO was kinda high on allergy medication. rofl
Anyways, after class, I made the daily walk w/ LO to her english class, which is kinda on the way to my calc class. but on the way, I saw XG come out of her classroom and while smiling, said in a kinda energetic voice: "hey, thanks!" XDXDXD
haha That made me happy!!! =D Thing like that make me smile, inside and out. I said "your welcome" and continued on my way.
haha apparently, LO's english teacher ran out cuz his baby was due!!! good luck to him!!!! haha kinda coincidental since today was "bring your kid to work day" for the teachers. haha cute kids. nice! ^^
Finally, I came to my last class of the day. Took long enough ^^. I've been doing better in this class lately, and in bio too! (some hard classes). Yay!!! XD haha my calc teacher's been telling me that I've been improving... in front of other ppl. So I felt happy and a bit embarrassed at the same time haha. Well, I tediously made it through that class and got ready to leave school.
I learned that one of my friends had made a petition for my calc teacher, cuz the school was being horrible and possibly casting out teachers. But she lost the petition paper b/c some kid lost it. Hope she gets it back!!! ><
Well, I came home, wasted a bit of time, and was finally able to bring myself to start this post. haha pretty long, but I've always wanted to write about what I did in a day. Isn't that blogs and stuff are for? lol.
Today was a nice, sunny, cool day. I hope the rest of my days are great! =)
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Fragile Friendships
Friendships... I think that they are wonderful... that they should be cherished as one of the most important things in life... that they should never be truly broken.
But recently, I've heard about a few friends of mine who are having a problem... that I think they shouldn't be having at all. If they just came clean with one another instead of letting their anger, pride, and other useless things (useless at this time I mean), I truly believe that they can come to understand one other. Instead, they're being... well, stubborn and... dumb. Instead of trying help each other get a better understanding of why the problem started and how they really feel about it, they're just trying to defend themselves from accusations that they ALL should know are false, and trying to prove that they are right and the other person is wrong.
When did friendships become so fragile, that even the dumbest, littlest things could make them fall apart? Why can't people remember what's important and just get over the issue without taking such a long time, if they even get over it at all.
I mean, these friends were friends for YEARS.... and they're letting something come between them... and when graduation is coming up too. Never to see one another like they used to, it makes me cry inside knowing that they might not be able to bring back what they had... just because they're so... so...
I believe that if there's a problem concerning friends, you better do something about it, instead of just leaving the problem alone, suffering all the while. If you feel you don't hang out as much with someone, find a way to hang out. If you think something is up with someone, maybe you should think about confronting him/her. If you want to sort things out with a friend, you better actually sort it out instead of making each other angry and not even getting closer to recolving the issue.
My friends... I can't say for sure, but I feel that they're being too dang PRIDEFUL!!! UGGGGH. prides good and all but it's kinda impeding the problem solving process. I really feel that if they all just listened to one another WELL, without forcefully disagreeing with statements or being weak and saying "its not like that" or "no..." and so on. STUBBORNNESS gets in the way as well.
... I really want these friends of mine to make up, and I wish I could be a part of their talk so I can help sort things out. but... I guess all I can do is hope for the best.
haha I guess I'm thinking about others too much? I don't know... but I don't think this trait of mine is a bad thing. but more on that some other day ^^
To my friends out there. I hope all of your friendships will benefit you, make you happy, and only get stonger with time. =)
Despite what I've seen and heard I still believe that problems within a friendship can bring friends closer together.
But recently, I've heard about a few friends of mine who are having a problem... that I think they shouldn't be having at all. If they just came clean with one another instead of letting their anger, pride, and other useless things (useless at this time I mean), I truly believe that they can come to understand one other. Instead, they're being... well, stubborn and... dumb. Instead of trying help each other get a better understanding of why the problem started and how they really feel about it, they're just trying to defend themselves from accusations that they ALL should know are false, and trying to prove that they are right and the other person is wrong.
When did friendships become so fragile, that even the dumbest, littlest things could make them fall apart? Why can't people remember what's important and just get over the issue without taking such a long time, if they even get over it at all.
I mean, these friends were friends for YEARS.... and they're letting something come between them... and when graduation is coming up too. Never to see one another like they used to, it makes me cry inside knowing that they might not be able to bring back what they had... just because they're so... so...
I believe that if there's a problem concerning friends, you better do something about it, instead of just leaving the problem alone, suffering all the while. If you feel you don't hang out as much with someone, find a way to hang out. If you think something is up with someone, maybe you should think about confronting him/her. If you want to sort things out with a friend, you better actually sort it out instead of making each other angry and not even getting closer to recolving the issue.
My friends... I can't say for sure, but I feel that they're being too dang PRIDEFUL!!! UGGGGH. prides good and all but it's kinda impeding the problem solving process. I really feel that if they all just listened to one another WELL, without forcefully disagreeing with statements or being weak and saying "its not like that" or "no..." and so on. STUBBORNNESS gets in the way as well.
... I really want these friends of mine to make up, and I wish I could be a part of their talk so I can help sort things out. but... I guess all I can do is hope for the best.
haha I guess I'm thinking about others too much? I don't know... but I don't think this trait of mine is a bad thing. but more on that some other day ^^
To my friends out there. I hope all of your friendships will benefit you, make you happy, and only get stonger with time. =)
Despite what I've seen and heard I still believe that problems within a friendship can bring friends closer together.
Wishing
I believe that if you wish for something hard enough, your wish will come true.
Whether you're wishing upon a star, praying to God, wishing on a full moon, making a birthday wish, or just saying "I wish this would happen," if you want it enough, I think you can get your wish.
I believe that you can only get what you wish for if you either want it a lot or if you want it for long enough. I don't someone can get their wish too easily. Only by wishing for something over and over or by desperately wanting a wish to come true will it really happen.
There are some people who wish for fate to give them something they cannot possibly ever have. But there are also people who work hard to make their wishes come true. Other people, my self included, make a wish that follows both cases. They wish for something they COULD achieve, but want help in making come true. I guess what they say is true sometimes, you can wish all you want but it you yourself do not do anything, your wish may never come true.
haha but there are people who just wish for a random thing on a whim and get what they want... but I don't believe that this is a case of a "wish coming true." I think its more likely that those people are just lucky or are in a position where their whimsical wish is hardly impossible.
No one should underestimate the power of wishing. I believe what they say about being careful of what you wish for. I mean, no one should make a bad wish, like wishing someone was hurt or dead. Wishes are something great.. special... and should not be tainted by someone's negative emotions or thoughts. But if you make a good wish... a truly desired, beneficial wish... you shouldn't give up on it, at least not too easily. A person's wishes make someone hopeful for the present and for the future. They give people something to work for, something to keep them going in life. And you never know. Your wish may come true.
Whether you're wishing upon a star, praying to God, wishing on a full moon, making a birthday wish, or just saying "I wish this would happen," if you want it enough, I think you can get your wish.
I believe that you can only get what you wish for if you either want it a lot or if you want it for long enough. I don't someone can get their wish too easily. Only by wishing for something over and over or by desperately wanting a wish to come true will it really happen.
There are some people who wish for fate to give them something they cannot possibly ever have. But there are also people who work hard to make their wishes come true. Other people, my self included, make a wish that follows both cases. They wish for something they COULD achieve, but want help in making come true. I guess what they say is true sometimes, you can wish all you want but it you yourself do not do anything, your wish may never come true.
haha but there are people who just wish for a random thing on a whim and get what they want... but I don't believe that this is a case of a "wish coming true." I think its more likely that those people are just lucky or are in a position where their whimsical wish is hardly impossible.
No one should underestimate the power of wishing. I believe what they say about being careful of what you wish for. I mean, no one should make a bad wish, like wishing someone was hurt or dead. Wishes are something great.. special... and should not be tainted by someone's negative emotions or thoughts. But if you make a good wish... a truly desired, beneficial wish... you shouldn't give up on it, at least not too easily. A person's wishes make someone hopeful for the present and for the future. They give people something to work for, something to keep them going in life. And you never know. Your wish may come true.
Dark Days
lol when I say dark days, I don't mean like days where a bunch of bad stuff happens or like, the end of the world and stuff. I'm talkin about your everyday, gray-skied, gloomy days.
It not that I dont like these kinda days, though I do prefer sunnier weather. the only time I would really want gray-skied days like these is when its snowing too ^^. I always feel like taking a nap of days like these... and don't feel like doing work :D. haha though I'm sure there are people out there who like weather like this.
I guess its kinda harder to be in a bright mood as well. not that I'm mad or sad on these days, but I feel like my aura of happiness is being suppresed by the gloomyness of the settings. Yes, that was the best way to explain my feelings... =D
It not that I dont like these kinda days, though I do prefer sunnier weather. the only time I would really want gray-skied days like these is when its snowing too ^^. I always feel like taking a nap of days like these... and don't feel like doing work :D. haha though I'm sure there are people out there who like weather like this.
I guess its kinda harder to be in a bright mood as well. not that I'm mad or sad on these days, but I feel like my aura of happiness is being suppresed by the gloomyness of the settings. Yes, that was the best way to explain my feelings... =D
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Posting like maaaaaaaaaaaaaad XD
haha I've posted a few times in such a short time... and right after I made my blog too ^^.
There are just so many things I want to type out... I could sit here for hours and just type... about all the things I've always wanted to get out of my head... about all the things I've wanted to say... about all of the things I've done or have wanted to do... about my regrets... my life lessons... the things that made me feel that things were going to be alright... so many things to type yet so little time... well... I guess I better get started then =D
There are just so many things I want to type out... I could sit here for hours and just type... about all the things I've always wanted to get out of my head... about all the things I've wanted to say... about all of the things I've done or have wanted to do... about my regrets... my life lessons... the things that made me feel that things were going to be alright... so many things to type yet so little time... well... I guess I better get started then =D
Senoritis... evil foe
Senior year is filled with a lot of big things... graduation, college, and of course, the fight against senoritis.
Senoritis is the "disease" students in their senior year get, causing them to become lazier towards class, learning, and schoolwork in general, and more tempted to relax, be work-free, and have fun.
I wish I had more time before having to deal with AP tests... and I dont even wanna deal with finals. DX. right now, I feel pleasant just dealing with the daily tests and quizzes. I remember last year finals and AP tests turned out pretty bad for me... p-r-e-t-t-y b-a-d. haha but then again, it was a bad year... but more on that some other day :D
haha actually, I'm doing pretty well in my fight with senoritis. go me! XD
but.. since its my last marking period in high school, there are some classes I just wanna do well in. just to show that I can do it. that would be nice... no, great. In a way, the end of my high school days doesnt seem real to me... partly because of all the distractions from college junk and big exams... but also because I dont really want to accept it.
I've finally gotten to enjoy high school life a bit... though I can honestly say that I wish it was better. ^^" still, it's pleasant. I dont want to say good bye to these days just yet. I hope that by the time I graduate, I can say to myself that I've though things have been seriously bad at times, I've enjoyed my time in high school... =)
Senoritis is the "disease" students in their senior year get, causing them to become lazier towards class, learning, and schoolwork in general, and more tempted to relax, be work-free, and have fun.
I wish I had more time before having to deal with AP tests... and I dont even wanna deal with finals. DX. right now, I feel pleasant just dealing with the daily tests and quizzes. I remember last year finals and AP tests turned out pretty bad for me... p-r-e-t-t-y b-a-d. haha but then again, it was a bad year... but more on that some other day :D
haha actually, I'm doing pretty well in my fight with senoritis. go me! XD
but.. since its my last marking period in high school, there are some classes I just wanna do well in. just to show that I can do it. that would be nice... no, great. In a way, the end of my high school days doesnt seem real to me... partly because of all the distractions from college junk and big exams... but also because I dont really want to accept it.
I've finally gotten to enjoy high school life a bit... though I can honestly say that I wish it was better. ^^" still, it's pleasant. I dont want to say good bye to these days just yet. I hope that by the time I graduate, I can say to myself that I've though things have been seriously bad at times, I've enjoyed my time in high school... =)
Humidity :P
Blech.
Humid days are soooooo bad. It feels gross AND it can look gross haha. On humid days I feel that something in my throat won't let the thick, humid air enter my body with ease. yeah, not a good feeling. Things are seriously bad when its hot AND humid. That must be the worst combination of weather conditions... asides from... hurricanes and stuff... I mean on a normal weather basis :D haha. Plus, though it kinda feels awkward for me to say it... humidity messes up my hair... XP. it makes it more frizzier and more funny looking than it already is. lol.
I remember back when I was a runner on the cross country team, I felt like I was gonna die from the horribly thick air I was being forced to breathe to live. It was evilly, humid-ly hot as well. DX ugggggggggh. haha.
but today, it was very interesting!!! the muggy, humid day gave way to the sun and the weather became all sunny and nice!!! XD I was really surprised, especially since I was taking a nap, and when I woke up I noticed the brighter surroundings, looked outside, and was like OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!!?!?! hahahahahaha XD
Humid days are soooooo bad. It feels gross AND it can look gross haha. On humid days I feel that something in my throat won't let the thick, humid air enter my body with ease. yeah, not a good feeling. Things are seriously bad when its hot AND humid. That must be the worst combination of weather conditions... asides from... hurricanes and stuff... I mean on a normal weather basis :D haha. Plus, though it kinda feels awkward for me to say it... humidity messes up my hair... XP. it makes it more frizzier and more funny looking than it already is. lol.
I remember back when I was a runner on the cross country team, I felt like I was gonna die from the horribly thick air I was being forced to breathe to live. It was evilly, humid-ly hot as well. DX ugggggggggh. haha.
but today, it was very interesting!!! the muggy, humid day gave way to the sun and the weather became all sunny and nice!!! XD I was really surprised, especially since I was taking a nap, and when I woke up I noticed the brighter surroundings, looked outside, and was like OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGG WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN!!?!?! hahahahahaha XD
Monday, April 20, 2009
Senior Year
Woohoo!!! I finally got myself to make a blog! that's one thing down on the endless list of junk I wanna do by the end of my S-E-N-I-O-R Y-E-A-R!!!
This year has been pretty sweet so far... hanging with friends, drivin around, and kinda an easygoing mood w/ studies haha. Though, I do regret not doing better this year... but more on that later! ^^
whew. so many things to still worry about that I feel its overwhelming. Having the world on your shoulders feels more like an expression sometimes! ^^" Senior prom, college junk, finals, AP tests, friends... hmm... hmmmmmm wow... I got a lota of stuff I gotta blog about one of these days XD
This year has been pretty sweet so far... hanging with friends, drivin around, and kinda an easygoing mood w/ studies haha. Though, I do regret not doing better this year... but more on that later! ^^
whew. so many things to still worry about that I feel its overwhelming. Having the world on your shoulders feels more like an expression sometimes! ^^" Senior prom, college junk, finals, AP tests, friends... hmm... hmmmmmm wow... I got a lota of stuff I gotta blog about one of these days XD
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