Goodbye Bryers! =)

Well, today, I went to the Bryer's surprise retirement present. I thought it was really nice. Truly, truly nice. I mean that earnestly. Haha I think that's the write word. ^^

The Bryers are two married teachers who have been teaching AP US History (APUSH) for so many years. Mr. Bryer teaches APUSH I and Mrs. Bryer teaches APUSH II. I took both of their classes.

I left 8th pd a bit early and headed to the auditorium, because the plan was for everyone participating in the gift to sing "For Good" from the show Wicked. Haha I didn't go to the rehearsal the day before, but a lot of people didn't.

I originally went because I wanted to attend the event because I simply felt like it and wanted to see what would happen. Also, I felt that it would be interesting. I'm really glad I went. It was a really touching and spectacular time. I think it went absolutly great!

The reason I was kinda skeptical to go was because ever since I got a 2 on my APUSH exam, I had always feared the Bryers a bit... cuz back when I was taking APUSH II, Mrs. Bryer said " If you get a 5: super happy, if you get a 4:great, if you get a three: Eh, okay, If you get a 2: Mr. Bryer and I won't talk to you again, and if you get a 1: ...yeaaaaa. It was a joke... but I kinda felt that it was serious and let it get to my head. So during all of junior year, I avoided any contact, like eye contact, with them. I kinda feel like that made my standing with the Bryers even worse, not that I was a memorable studnet or anything, but even so...

But going to today made everything better. When I got there, I met up with some of my friends and talked a bit. Soon, everyone went onto the stage and got behind the curtain after getting a copy of the song to read from. We all mobbed behind the curtain. Haha we were pretty unorganized, but we got our act together just in time for the Bryer's entrance. The huge mob was filled with shhs and positioned itself on the stage in a good fashion.

Haha I heard someone on the microphone say something along the lines of "well Mr. and Mrs. Bryer, a few of your friends wanted to do something for you, and worked together to give you a gift." The curtain openned and there we were, all of us in the Bryer's line of sight. We walked forward, and the chorus members attending the event walked onto the stand that they use for their concerts. After all, the chorus members were the pros, a lot of us had to lip sync or use the chorus as a guide for the singing. Haha a lot of us never even heard the song before ^^".

And so, we started to sing... I thought the song was very fitting for this moment. The lyrics talked about how we learned from them and changed for the better... and how we were glad to have met them. We didn't sound bad. The singing was splendidly great! =)

When we were done, we all stepped down and sat in the auditorium seats. Some people went straight to the Bryers to meet with them. Mrs. Bryer was so touched that she was crying =). Mr. Bryer was calm, but you could tell that he was really touched too. I guess an event this great was able to affect the two tough teachers. After we all got settled down, a slide show was started. Made by two girls named Julie and.. J...something ^^", the show was filled with jokes, music, touching lines, numerous pictures of the school faculty and the Bryers over the years... it was really well made, and VERY good.

Haha after that, a few people chanted: Speech, speech, speech!!! So, Mr. Bryer took the mike, haha and said "um.. do I need this?" haha cus he could speak loudly. Everyone laughed, and Mr. Bryer was like, "I heard that haha" to some kid who said something. He spoke while Mrs. Bryer continued to wipe her tears.. of joy... thanking us for what we had done... how we, the students had brightened their lives as we had brightened theirs... about how he felt that we were all Peter Pans... and would stay the same age that we were when we graduated, though they knew this wasn't true... and how he was truly moved, happy, and thankful. I think his voice softened a few times... the reason being that he was as touched as Mrs. Bryer was, and so happy that he was close to shdding tears of joy =)

Then Mrs. Bryer took the mike. She had calmed down enough to speak, and continued on what Mr. Bryer said, thanking us and telling us how much she appreciated everything that was done, there and over the years... how their past students in college and etc had also attended the event... how she and Mr. Bryer would talk about their students at home... how despite being old, seeing all of the kids energized her husband and herself... and that though they may be exhausted by the end of the day, it was a good tired... She broke down a bit at the end, and wiped her eyes as she sat down.

Haha so just when things were settling down a bit, a lady wheeled out a table with two big cakes on it!!! =) The Bryers stepped onto the stage, met with their teacher friends and approached the cake. Then, all of us mobbed towards the steps, into a line where we waited to meet, one by one, with the Bryers to say a few words.

The line was slow, but it was nice. I talked to some of my friends. EE (girl), HG (who was high haha. She poked me like crazy at one point, and leaned her head of me and other ppl), EE (boy), AZ, AH (who slapped NU a few times playfully hard on the arm for joking about how Mrs. Bryer was a bit of a boring teacher compared to the comical Mr. Bryer), and a few other people.

Staying in the line was kinda fun, and some unexpected things happened. Haha the slapping thing and the leaning head thing, on my shoulder and back, which really made my heart beat fast (lol nervous when anything like that happens... how I react to girls sometimes... ^^") I already mentioned. A Sun (her real last name, which I typed cuz I might not know who I'm talking about if I read this poste again since I don't know her very well) wrapped her arms around me and said "guess who!?" haha which was a nice surprise. Ahh it was nice. We all talked, made some jokes, and had a good time together.

Haha when we got to the front of the line, I saw my friend YI hug Mr. Bryer. Haha she's so light. Mr. Bryer actaully picked her up off the ground, and I think that was what YI was going for too. Haha I saw a few other kids say some words to Mr. and Mrs. Bryer and hug and give them handshakes too. When nodoby went up to Mr. Bryer, someone pushed me out. haha :D. I walked up to him smiling, and we shook hands. He said something like, "Keep it up Nick, good luck in life!" Happy to hear his words, I said "Thank you! Thank you for teaching all of us!"

Then, after waiting for a few people to finish talking to Mrs. Bryer with EE (girl) who soon joined me in waiting, I walked up to her and got a hug. Haha I admit I was dissapointed when Mr. Bryer didn't give me a hug, though I didn't expect one from either of them since I wasn't a close student with them, but since other people got hugs, I was kinda expectant and envious I guess ^^". But that feeling went away after Mrs. Bryer's hug. Haha I think she said "thank you, have a happy life." I told her "thank you, I hope you have a happy life too!"

Then, I walked up to the table, and got a piece of cake. Haha when my friends and I headed out to the commons, we all had fun talking... and putting icing on each other's faces hahahaha. We had to wash it off in the bathrooms. LOL plus, our mouths were green from the icing :D.

Afterwards, we all had some fun talking, walking around inside and outside, and more. Haha Me, EE (girl) and HG went outside and found EE (boy)... with HG's bag!!! hahaha He had taken it. Lol it was by lucky chance that we went outside and noticed him hahaha. The four of us eventaully went inside and played around in the pit. Soon, EE (girl) had to leave, and I thought the other two were starting to leave too, so I said bye, and headed to my bag.

Then she appeared with a friend of hers. Who is "she"? Well, who else but XG! XD Haha I passed by her and patted her on the shoulder friendily, and walked away... only to hear her coming up behind me!!! hahaha I thought this might've happened, but I thought it was unlikely hahaha. She was like "touch my arm ehhh??" hahaha joking and smiling, but still on her way to kick or beat me haha playfully, but playfully painful nevertheless hahaha. And so, I ran! XD hahaha It's been a while since I've had XG chase me around like that ^^. It was fun. I avoided some of her kicks as usual, and was able to avoid a few direct hits though still got hit lightly-ish hahaha. I stayed with her for a little bit. Haha while her friend was on the phone, I used her as a shield as XG was chasing me, spinning her around as XG tried to come around her to get to me hahaha. XG's friend didn't mind. Speaking of XG's friend, I think I met her before, which made me feel awkward for not recognizing her, and for saying "nice to meet you" when I left.

Haha soon, I separated from XG and her friend to call my mom. After I ahd done that, I spent the time that my mom takes to pick me up to get alex back for kicking me. I sneaked up behind her and poker her sides haha. Afterwards, she and her friend talked about the friend's powerpoint or "powderpoint" (inside joke I didn't understand). During that time, I covered XG with her friend's jacket whick she jokingly said was diseased. I said "well now you have the disease!!! :D" as I covered her head with it. Lol She playfully tried to scratch me like a kitty haha, and I did what my friends do and turned off her compy screen and tried to unplug stuff lololol.

Oh! She was wearing a really bright yellow shirt today!!! It was nice!!!! =) Haha apparently, her friends forced her to get it at the mall one day. I'm glad they did, she needs more bright clothes :). Haha so, I checked the time, and realized it was time to go, so I said good bye and left the library. Me and HG (who was with EE (boy); I thought they had left, guess not ^^") waved at eachother on my way out and I went home, content with my time aftershool that day... with the surprise gift for the Bryers, and my fun time with my friends after school =)

Mother's Day

So this year's mother's day was pretty good. My friend of mine, E... dangit I keep forgetting her last name ><. Sorry!!! Well, I picked her up from her house (after getting lost for 20 minutes cuz I THOUGHT I knew how to get there... I didn't) and drove to the Commons.

We were originally gonna go to the mall w/ XG, but she couldn't make it...but we still needed to get gifts so we went out! :D We went to this store... forgot the name... Amanda's? It was some furniture and candles and tableware and stuff. We looked around and I decided to get my mom a scented candle since we used up all the ones we had at home. My mom uses them to make the smell of asian food dissappear hahaha. After contemplating on the price and the smell of the candles, I finally chose one that was pretty cheap, had an okay scent, and was big. Lol then, I went to D and helped her chose some cups and bowls.

I don't remember when, but at some point, I got a small box of Godiva chocolates in addition to the candle cuz I felt that the cndle wasn't enough lol. So I drove D home and went home myself... only to have to drive my bro to the Commons -.-" lol. He wanted to study for the Bio SAT w/ his friends in B&N and buy a Mother's day gift while he was there. Lol he bought a big cup w/ some message on it.

Lol I had a pretty fun time w/ D. I hope she had fun w/ me too =).

So when I got home after picking up my bro from B&N, we gave my mom her gifts. I think that went really well. My ACTUALLY did something for my mom on mother's day, and my mom was happy. Hahaha lol so it all worked out ^^

Lol My Stern Face is Kinda Back

Wow, that was fast.

I have really bad timing sometimes. I finally lose my forces stern face, and then I go through Project Crash, a program for high school seniors about car crashes from drinking, which I guess made me put on a sad face rather than a stern one. But it kinda set up my face to become stern since the next day, I had to deal with another bad conversation with my mom. Now my stern face is kinda back. I can like, 1/3 force it. AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Oh well. I guess if can do really good, fun things, I'll lose it again and feel happier, and if bad, aggravating or w/e things happen, then it'll come back. In both situations, I'd probably lose/gain it bit by bit lol.

I hope I can be happy... just really happy. Haha who doesn't right? I know. But I just think it's great to be so happy, so good with one's life, that even one's face is relaxed and happy. =)

How I Prepared for AP Exams

I didn't

But I should have.

But I ended up waiting to the very last day to do the bulk of my studying for both exams. Which is why I canceled one of them. I was originally supposed to take three exams... but I was utterly unprepared for it. I canceled my calc exam, and I guess its good that I did, cuz I would've failed if I had taken it. But then again, I did pretty bad on the rest of my exams.

I don't know. I was pretty stressed about it, and couldn't even study on the last day. Though it's not a bad anymore, I have a habit to stress out about tests and not even be able to sit myself down at my desk chair and read the textbook. I just can't bring myself to do it. It's like something inside my is infecting my body, and stopping it from just doing the work.

I MUST get rid of this by college. I hope I can make myself study for finals. I kind feel like I shouldn't even try since it's my senior year and all, and my grades are bad, but good enough to pass. But I know that I still have to do an okay job with them... unfortunately. I hope I can do alright.

I Don't Want to Forget You

A friend of mine once said that she wished this year never happened. She also said that she wished that people would forget all about her.

But I don't want to forget her.

She's an important friend on mine, and REALLY helped me in my life, and she doesn't even know it. Haha I'll go on about what I just said when I blog about my depression.

But really, she's a good person. I just wish she thought that too. I wish I could help her out, and I would if she wanted me to.

I just wouldn't want to forget about her. I'm just speechless at her words sometimes. When she talks about how much she doesn't like this year and etc, I'm saddened, because this is the year that I met her. Though, she did say that this year was filled with the most happiness and sadness in her life. I'm glad about the happiness part, but sad to know that there was more sadness than happiness. I want to do things to make her happy. I really wish I could help her out, like she helped me.

I try to be a good friend to her, and I hope that she likes me as a friend. I REALLY hope that the time I have with her makes her happy, because making her happy is one of my wishes.

My Present Self

I once read something my friend wrote about how much my friend liked her present self. As for me, I like my present self a lot. Though I am really lacking in the work ethic area.

I'm more confident and don't get overwhelmed by even work AS much anymore. I can take a stand and act like I want better now.

I'm still pretty positive. Maybe not as blissfully positive as I was in the past... but I think I'm more positive in a refined, mature way... kinda like that. Ahhhhhhhh in either case, I'm still dumbly positive, but I like that.

I'm finally over all of my major insecurities and my past. FINALLY. Plus, I've toughened up mentally, so I'm not bothered by whatever anymore.

However, due to my physical injuries, I've become a lot weaker and fatter. The pores on my face are still huge and my hair is still annoying (though I got it cut ans straightened, so it's good for now :D). I also feel that I have less patience nowadays. I feel it, but I haven't shown it yet. Also, I feel like I'm getting closer and closer to being on the verge of saying a curse word. Before, my mind would like, condemn curses in my thoughts... but now, that is steadily weakening... not good. But on that note, I've always found that I'm kinda restricted by my lac of saying curses and lewd things. Like, my friends make so many of those kind of jokes and bring up topics where talk like that is necessary, but I'm always silent.

Well, even so, saying lewd things and curses isn't something I really want to do.

Haha I've also become better socially. I'm talking better with more friends, though I could still use some work. Still quiet sometimes, but not AS quiet :D

lol I like how I've finally mentally toughened up the most. I can go through life without being bothered by things as much anymore. It's allowed my to enjoy myself and just be plain okay with myself. =)

My Mind is Being Mean to Me Lately

So, I think I mentioned in one of my earlier posts that there's a girl I have in mind.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell, she's still there... unfortunately. A while ago, I did my best to get her out of my mind and heart. lol did I say that before? Well, I am, because there is no way she likes me like that, I think she likes someone else, and I STILL don't know if she's already with someone. I thought that the best thing to do here would be to just move on.

BUT

My mind won't let me. I was actually making good progress when my mind started hitting me with all these thoughts, ideas, and imagined situations about the girl. Like, my mind would just drift off and think of things about her and then I'd be like, "AUGH!!! Stop it!!! That'll never happen DX." Yeaaaaa it's pretty bad.

The thing that really stopped my progress was one of my friends. She basically and blatantly says that she thinks this girl likes me. And ever since then, my friend's words have been haunting my mind!!! And soon enough, one thing is leading to another and I'm constantly thinking that "msybe she DOES like me" or "could she really like me after all" and etc.

One time, I saw her and after having more troubling thoughts in my head, just thought, "AUGH I should just forget about her!!!" as I drove away in my car. But when I turned on the radio, the song that was playing was a song about love... then I changed the station and it was playing I think "We Should be Together"... -.-" and then when I was like, "okay, there's no way that a THIRD love song is gonna come up"... I change the station and it's playing "Over My Head" by the Fray. And I'm like, "okay, there's no love related things in that title."... But THEN... THE LYRICS BASICALLY POINTED TOWARDS LOVE!!! And I was like ARRRRRRRGH!!!!!

Yeaaaaaaaa seriously, that's totally like a TV moment in real life. It's like in a sitcom when a character is tryig to not think of love and the he/she turns on the TV or radio and a show or song on love comes up. Seriously hahaha what are the chances?!?!

Yeaaaaaaaaaaa so I don't know what to do know. I guess I'll just have to keep trying to get her out of my head. Maybe it's true what they say. Maybe you don't get over someone until you find someone else.

I guess the previous person I liked was different, cuz I ended up liking her because I thought she was someone she wasn't. I was able to get over her pretty fast I think.

But this girl... I actually know her kinda well I think... and so... yea. Having some trouble here. ><" Haha idk. When it comes to having a girlfriend, I've always thought that wouldn't have one until I got into college. And though I think this is most likely, I can't help but be weak against the girls I've liked over the years... which is only two... or one... which is this one... and the first one didn't count lol

Haha a few years ago, I was kinda liking on a few girls, but I don't think I like liked them. Truthfully, I think me having friends who are girls for the first time was just too new to me.

But now is different. I guess I'll just be honest with myself.

I like this girl

She is very interesting and I always have an out of the ordinary time with her... which I like.

She is nice...pretty... and I really wish I could help her out with the numerous problems she's having, but if I tried, I would be overstepping my boundaries as simply a friend. And that wouldn't be good. Might be forcingmyself on her or something?

Ugh. I guess it's just going to take some time to get over this girl. This girl... who I like... and hope who likes me a lot... even if it is just a friend.

AP Tests

I failed. Plain and simple.

I didn't get my results back, but I'm pretty sure I did horribly.

Like, on the essay portions of the bio and english exams I took, my essays were SOOOOOOOO bad. I didn't even know what to write for some of them!!! OMG seriously, I really don't want the results of my exams to ever come out... but they will.

However, I'm a senior, so bad AP tests don't really matter. On the other hand, my english and bio teachers still get to see my score. And I really, REALLY don't want them to see my score, and possibly ask me about it. The thought of it is enough to stress me out. I tried to ask my guidance counselur to cancel it, but I kept missing her. When I finally DID find her, it was too late to cancel them. Guess I didn't try to find her hard enough.

Oh well. Nothing I can do now except wait for the impending doom that won't really affect me in any huge way. Scratch that. It will affect me. But I don't wanna worry about it right now. I'm really tired about worrying about things that you can't change. For a while now, I've decided to be sad and regreful for a BIT, but afterwards, forget about it and focus on other things. Worrying endlessly is pointless and kills you on the inside. And after years of doing that to myself, I've gotten myself to stop pretty well :)

5/22/09

So, I never blogged about this pretty good day. Haha for starters, it was a half day, and even thought this was the day of the english class situation I mentioned earlier, it was still good and fun ^^.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I stayed afterschool and hung out with my friends. At one point, I was thinking about going home. SO glad that I decided to stay. Haha so here's what happened. Me, EE (girl), HG, and EE (boy) walked out toward the parking lot, and then, I think HG and EE (boy) wanted to go to the beach!!! Haha sooooooooooooooooooooo I took EE (girl) along and off we went!!!! :D

Haha EE (girl) didn't even know where the car was heading. All she knew was that she'd be back in time for her track meet. Hahaha. So I got shotgun and the two grils were in the back. We listened to songs off EE (boy)'s ipod cuz he had this cool cable that went from his ipod to his car. We all sang to the songs, though I sang softly haha. Not exactly and good singer... and don't exactly know all the lyrics to songs either hahaha.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO We soon got there, though we had to deal with some traffic. OMG I hadn't been to the beach in a looooooong while. Haha it was a bit cloudy and windy, and the water was FREEZING!!!! Like, 1 seconds after my feet were in the water, I was running around like mad, to warm them up! hahaha. Ahhhhh We walked along the shore, ran around, and had a pretty good time. I skipped a few rocks, while EE (girl) picked up pretty rocks to put in her fishtank at home. EE (boy) and HG hung out together for most of the time, while me and EE (girl) ran around energetically for like, the whole time hahaha. Omg, it was fun!!! XD I talked a bunch with all of them. =D

Haha I talked a lot w/ EE (girl) since we were being energetic and the other two were taking their time walking behind us. ^^ Haha we walked on on of the big congregations of big, gray rocks. Lol I took 2 pictures there and put them on facebook later. lol the first one I took looked like a seen in a movie or something hahaha. Haha while we were there ED called cuz allof us except EE (girl) were supposed to go to the A&P to buy senior prom flowers. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut apparently, we couldn't make it cuz we were too far away. So, we decided to just buy the flowers w/o ED. This changed later though.

XDXDXD So we hung out at the beach a bit more... chasing seagulls... OH there were baby seagulls!!! OMG they were so small hahaha. It was funny to watch EE (girl) chase seagulls too. lol so eventually, it was time to head back for EE (girl)'s track meet... a bit late actually hahaha. We quickly drove back to school, arriving like, RIGHT on time (4). Haha so after dropping off EE (girl), the three of us left for the A&P. Haha I kinda felt awkward cuz only the two of them really talked. oh, me and HG switched placed for the return trip. Haha which reminds me of how I got to spend some time back there with EE (girl). Hahaha she took a nap on the way to the beach and on the way back too. Lol she used my backpack as a pillow. It was nice to just hang with her too. I think I've been getting along really well with her lately. =) I've been getting along a bit better with a lot of ppl actually. yay! =)

So, when we got to the A&P, we waited in front of the counter for buying flowers... but no one was there. like, a minute later, LG called me and asked what I was up to. I told him and it turns out ED was with him... IN B&N!!!!!!!!! Hahaha right across the street!!! lol so they met up w/ us like, 10 minutes later... and still, no one came to the counter!!! haha though the three of us did have fun w/ the balloons on sticks that was near by hahaha.

So eventually, we had to ask an employee to get the counter person. She came over and took our flower orders. After that, EE (guy) dropped me off at home, and LG and ED went off somewhere. Haha though, LG called me when I got home to see if I wanted to hang our for like, another hour before we all went to the Melting Pot, but, I was like, naaaaaaaaah cuz we would run out of time before we knew it and I had to be home cuz I was getting a ride from EU to the Melting POT.

Haha so EU accidently overslept, and picked me up kinda late, and the bit of congestion on the road didn't help lol, so we got there like, 20 minutes late hahaha. Haha our friends who were already there kept calling us to ask where we were lol.

Soooooooo the Melting Pot was a pretty fancy place. High tech equipment, clean, wines, and fancy... assortments hahaha. It was a fondue place, for like, dipping stuff into cheese and chocolate and stuff. Haha I had a pretty good time there. It was me, LG, ED, YU, AN, EE (girl) who came late cuz of her meet, and AH. Haha the food was pretty fancy... and gooooooooooooood. Shrip and meat and pork and stuff.... apples, cheese with other stuff, fried and boiled pot things... yea. goooooooooooooooood. Hahaha it was pretty fun! We all talked and learned how to eat fondue food!!! XD

So what you do it use a long fork utensil, securely stab the piece of food onto the pointy fork end and dip the food into the... dipping.... pot.... lol and eat the food w/o touching it with your mouth. Easy enough. Eventually, (there were two dipping pots in the table) the waiters brought out one pot for us to cook in oil, and one pot for us to fry our food in after dipping the food into some sauce.

Haha it was good. AHHHHHHHH it was good... but at one point, I accidentally took AN's fork, and ate the food on it!!! ><" AHHHHHHHH it was an accident!!! The color of her fork (cuz the handles of all of our forks were different) looked like mine under the light. I guess I didn't look closely ><><><. Sooooooooo after we all realized her fork was missing, we al realized what happened and then AN gave me this evil glare!!! AUUUUUUUGH!!!! I apologized a lot and covered my red face w/ the desert menu I happened to be looking at. ^^" Ahhhhhhh she kept glaring for a while and complained about how she wanted the shrimp of hers I ate... which was actually the last shrimp. >< SORRY AN!!!

haha but I think I redeemed myself a bit in her eyes, not that she really thought what happened was a big deal. I don't think she really cared that much. Like after we ate most of the desert, there was only one piece of a particular desert left, so I asked AN if she wanted to have it. Lol she smiled and said no thanks, and said that I became obedient. Thanks? hahaha well, w/e. At least I she seemed okay with me now. I really think she was. XD

Haha the desert was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. like half of us ate desert from one pot which had a mix of white and dark chocolate to dip brownies, cheesecake, and marshmellows into, and the other half (including me) dipped the same foods into a pot with a dip of SMORES!!!! Chocolate and graham crackers!!! OMG. SO GOOOOOOOOOD. Haha I dipped marshmellows into it, FINALL completing my wish of eating smores. XDXDXD. I ate a lot of the remaining chocolate in the pot too. Hahaha sweet tooth!!! I felt really full afterwards... but it was worth it :D

Haha so soon enough, we all went outside. YU, AH, ED, and AN left together cuz they were al going to Philly for the 3 day weekend to hang out together haha lucky!!! The rest of us stayed and walked around for a bit to digest. We soon got bored, and decided to drive back to holmdel and to the park to hang out some more.

Haha but when we got there, the park was already closing down, and we got kicked out by the park rangers. hahaha. I talked to LG on my cell and we decided to head to B&N to hang out for a bit longer. Soooooooo EU dropped me off at my house cuz he wanted to go home and take nap and I drove myself to the Commons.

I met with them inside B&N. Haha but I had to search for them for a bit. lol I would've got the super good, sweet mocha frappachino at the starbucks there, but I was too full from the chocolate hahaha.

We walked around for a bit while RE (her nick name) asked her mom if she could stay out longer. Her mom told her that she had to be home by... 9:30 I think. Lol so we kept walking, and that's when I told them about the problem I had with those security things that are near the entrances of any store. The thing that beeps if you're stealing something.

Weeeeeeeell the problem with me was that I beeped... almost ALL the time hahaha. Entering or exiting, I kept triggering the alram system. Hahaha this problem made things interesting when I hung out with my friends. On the other hand, I had deal with some employees for a few seconds... oh and just the fact that I beeped (when I was alone) bothered me lol.

Haha so RE suggested that maybe my wallet was the problem. So, I put all the things in my wallet through the security system thing near the music section of B&N and nothing happened... until I walked through it hahaha. The employee at the counter said that maybe there was a sticker from another store in my wallet! Haha and she found it!!!! o.o ... XD

After struggling to get the sticker out, the employee gave me back my wallet. I thanked her wand returned to my friends. Hahaha turns out that the sticker was in this REAAAAAAAAAALLY well hidden place. ^^" Haha in the past, an employee there had told me that maybe there was a sticker on my pants lol. Now I know why I never found one. :D

Haha this situation led to some funny talks. =D

So we spent about an hour at the Commons. After FINALLY solving my beeping problem, the three of us went out, walked a bit, and sat on a bench. Haha LG layed on the bench, and RE sat... on his chest hahaha. The only way he could breath was to tighten his torso muscles hahaha. It's fun to watch these kind of things hahaha.

So eventually, the three of us sat on the bench, and spent like, 30 minutes there talking and laughing. I checked my watch a few times, and really, it seemed like time was going really slowly. Which was good, cuz it meant having more time to enjoy our time there :)

Soon enough, it was time to go. And so, we all went home. I had a lot of fun =)

I've Lost... My Stern Face

So when I tried to make a stern face in english class today... I found that... I couldn't

OMG, I actually couldn't

This is big news, seriously. Like, just a few months ago, I was able to make myself look stern, like during times when my parents were bothering me by talking to me about stuff. But... I CAN'T MAKE THAT FACE ANYMORE!!!!

And that's when I realized... I've been so happy lately, that... I've lost the ability to make my face look/feel stern. Like, moving my face around to make myself look stern doesn't feel natural anymore!!! o.o I was kinda shocked. My face muscles... feel relaxed, not tense like they are when I'm in a less then good mood.

I...I just can't make my face stern... I can't believe it... I guess... I've become accustomed to the good things in my life. I haven't had a real bad time with my parents, I've been hanging out with my friends like mad, I don't get bad grades (cuz I haven't taken a test in a while), I haven't had much schoolwork... all these things together (but mostly the time w/ friends thing) have made me... happier =)

It's kinda strange... but I don't think that this is really a bad thing.

Haha My mom has told me in the past to stop looking so stern, but I kept saying that a stern face was my default face after all the years of annoying stuff I've had to deal with. But a few years back, I've tried to give off a more happy appearance. Like, keep my eyes more that half open, relax my face muscles, and smile more.

haha I've gotten pretty good at my happy appearance. I guess this ia part of the reason why I lost my forced stern look. lol the only drawback is that I ALWAYS smile when I start to talk w/ my friends, so I'm worried that I might unconciously be smiling when we're talking about a bad or sad topic. ^^" I'm working on that now. Getting more facial expressions... being more relaxed with myself and others, adults, peers, random passerbys, everyone.

I guess this is one thing that I can list for how I've changed myself for the better. =)

English Class Has Been Sooooo Fun Lately

So I had an interesting English class today. Recently, my English teacher had been on the edge, getting angry and frustrated with the class. Oh, and me too.

Haha so last Friday, she called on me to say what magical realism was. I never could retain the definition of realism. Wait, is it just a story with realistic elements...? lol

hmmm dictionary website says basically that, but a bit more smart sounding. ops. ahhh well, never could get that smart sounding part down.

lol ANNNNNNNNNYWAYS, I was drawing a blank, and though there were a few distractions, she ultimately stayed on me. Apparently, it was a preeeeeeeeeety painful spetacle. :P She was like "Come on, just say a sentece with the words "magical" and "realism" in it. I justsat there and smiled a little. ^^" Someone told me later that I looked scared. I was kinda surprised. I didn't think I even HAD a scared face. haha though I can imagen it.... kinda. More like a fake scared face.

Anyways, I was a bit proud of myslef that I was able to have a decent amount of self control in this annoying situation. Usually, my face turns red, I get a bit fidgety, and I can't speak well. This time, I remembered to do a little thing that gives me some confidence: lightly hitting my chest with a loose fist. It's like, well, the action calms me down and arouses some strength. When you get nervous or sad or whatever, you get a bad feeling in your chest right? Same thing goes for good feelings, you have a good feeling in your chest. Heart, Soul, Spirit? Whatever the case, I guess this is kinda a logical reason why this chest hitting thing works for me.

Moving on, the teacher would just NOT let up on me! She focused on me for like, 15 minutes...maybe less in reality, but not by much. She was like, "would you like your classmate to help you out?" I was like: "sure." So the kid answers the question: It's realism that has magical elements. -.-" I could've said something THAT simple... though I might've sounded a bit dumber. I thought she wanted a better answer. Plus, I was kinda disoriented when she called me, since I let my mind wander to pass the time, and hope she doesn't call me. Unfortunetly, that day, the kid in front of me was absent, so I guess the teach had a clear view of me.

After asked my classmate to help me out, she asked me to answer ANOTHER question. Gezz what happened to moving onto the next kid to call on after 10 seconds of non response? I was bsically quiet when she waited for me to answer, starting off on sentences and mumbling and all those signs that you want the teacher to move on to the next kid to call on.

Weeeeeeeeeeell she asked me a question of the book we were reading, and lucky me, I was chosen out of the whole class of non readers to answer her question. I read some of the book, but I was behind. Weeeeeeeeeeeell, after giving her a response, which was wrong, she FINALLY gave up on me and answered the question herself. She then asked another kid a question, but he couldn't answer her.

And so, the teacher went on a rant about how we should be reading like she says and blah blah blah. But I kinda got a vibe from my classmates that said this: We don't care. And when she gets "angry" at us, she doesn't look or even sound angry. No, she just raises her voice and speaks sarcastically for a while. At least it seems like a while. I've found that I've been lacking in patient with angry adults.

Okay, so eventually, I recovered from my time in class, and was able to joke around w/ the situation later.

haha AHHHHHHHHH went on a huge tanget. I didn't even talk about what happened today!!! lol so in the middle of class, my teacher got all riled up again. But this time there wasn't much of a cause. She got angered by the lack of participation in class and the got angrier when I think she recalled what happened in class last friday. Haha apparently, when she said something about not reading the material, she looked at me. My friend told me this, but I didn't notice, cuz I always look down at my notes in that class. Not sure it that actually happened since that friend likes to mess with me a bit, or she ends up messing with me lol.

Sooooooooooooo I think my teacher almost snapped today. Like, she nearly started to yell!!!! haha but I think she caught herself and went back to being all sarcastically mean.

I didn't really mind, but I felt like putting on my stern face. I wasn't really in a bad mood. More like a non-caring one. And it had been a while since I last made my face stern on purpose, so I decided to look stern.

BUT THEN, something happened... which I'll talk about in my next post, cuz this onbe is long enough already haha. ^^

Dreams

I haven't dreamed well in years. And what I mean by that is that my dreams are always kinda hazy when I have them, and when I wake up I always forget them. It's like, the second I wake up, the tv that's presenting the show of my dream is turned off, before I get the chance to take it in in the slightest.

Haha maybe not the best comparison, but really, after I wake up from a dream, I remember a bit of it... then one fact to two... and then it's gone completely. And when I try to recall it, I feel like there's a dark void in my head where the memory of my dream used to be. I wasn't always like this. When I was a kid, I hadmore vivid dreams, and I remebered them too. But they weren't exactly good dreams. One time when I was kid, I had one of those bad dreams where you can't find your parents. I was in my elementary school lunch room and it was packed with ppl, and somehow the windows near the ceiling had become glass windows from which ppl on the nonexistent second floor were. I saw my mom up there, but when I took a second look, she was gone. I fantically pushed my way through the crowd trying to find her and I woke up. I ran to my parent's room crying saying "I had a dream that I tried to find you, but you were gone." Typical little kid thing. Haha I still remember what happened so well.

Haha another kid dream I still remember is a dream where I flew in the air. I was running on my old street then a truck was coming towards me. I ran toward it, and as I ran I started to rise up into the air. So I was flying but, in order to fly, I had to keep the running motion. Haha image what the bed sheets were like when I woke up lol (actually they weren't really messed up, though I think I WAS kicking in my sleep). haha so I don't know it I was flying or jumping cuz after a got over the truck I slowed my pace and started falling down. I don't remember if the dream ended there of if I actually ran faster and started to rise up again. In any case, I remember that interesting dream even today.

Anyways, though I don't remember them, my dreams nowadays seem to consist of me doing something adventurous or action-y or something. Something interesting. Haha They've even included love. Haha but I think that's cuz I've been watching/reading/etc stuff online and on tv and manga/stuff. But still, I think it's nice to have dreams, though I seems like it can be kinda tiring, taking away from a peaceful night's sleep. I still think it would be nice to have dreams. Haha maybe if I had a dream, I could stop and think to myself, hey I'm dreaming, and do something.

Haha actaully, once, when I was a bit older than a little kid, I think I had a dream but I realized it was a dream and the dream dissapated, and I was stuck in blackness. I knew that physically, I was laying on my back, arms along my sides, as if I was standing. But I was like this mentally too. In the blackness, I was like, in the same position I was phycially. Haha so in this condition, I was like, "hmm this is pretty cool/interesting! Let's see if I can wkae myself up... hmm come on..." and soon enough, woke up!! :D That was an interesting experience! hahaha

I heard that a certain vitamin and that sleeping in a certain direction towards the sun can cause dreams, but I never really looked into that. I guess I've just haven't bothered with it for all these years, mostly cuz it wasn't really important and that I didn't relaly care that much. I just think that it'd be interesting. haha ^^

Always Says Hi!!!

Hahaha so I have a freshman friend called EG. I don't get to see her much, but occasionally, when I pass by her in the hallway, we always greet each other. Now, I know, this doesn't seem like a big deal, right? But it kinda is.

You see, I'm sure ppl know what I'm talking about, when you're in the crowded hallway and ur passing by a friend, you could do a number of things. You could decide ahh I don't wanna or feel like talking to this guy, and look straight ahead or elsewhere, to avoid making eyecontact with the person. Or maybe you say "hi" to a friend, but this friend doesn't notice you and doesn't say a word and continues to walk. OR maybe you make eyecontact for a breif moment, but then the two of you look away. OR maybe you notice the friend too late and realize that it's to late to saya breif greeting.

But with EG, even if I accidently/purposely don't notice her, she always says "hi" to me anyways!!! =) I like that about her. It's a simple thing, yea, but it kinda seems like more to me. It's like, by always greeting me despite the sitiuation, she's keeping our friendship alive. It's also just plain nice to hear a greeting from a friend.

I just think that EG almost always saying "hi" is great! =)

Jealous

In my whole life, I've only been jealous of one thing other people had that I didn't: the ability to get along with others with ease. I look at other people, and they're all buddy buddy even though they aren't even friends! One time, I made a friend with someone, but even now never really made a connection with her, but she later made another friend, and did what I couldn't in only a fraction of the time!!! What's with that!?!?! There's also a friend of mine LG, who get's along with everybody so well!!! It's not just him, other people too!!!

Why?! Why is it like this!?!! What's the difference between us??!? Why is this guy so likable?!? How do they get along so well... so easily?!?! Questions like these faintly haunt me nowadays... not enough to truly bother me, but enough to be annoying. In the past, and even now, I've tended to be awkward with people. It's like there's no spark to even start a lasting conversation. This part of me has really been killing me over the years. Of course, I've gotten some better social skills recently, and I'm glad that I've been making progress, but I feel that a bulk of the issue is still here, annoying/haunting me.

I guess this brings me back to a previous post, the one about me not having really close friends. I seriously wish I had a few friends that I really connected with, got along with, hung out a lot with. Some guys who really understood me, and me really understanding them. I'm tired of the broad friendships that I've made over the years. Not that I don't like them, they're great and enjoyable. But still, having close friends... I think that would be really great.

My Time with XG

Haha so, I think I've mentioned a particular friend of mine in a lot a of my posts, who I reference as XG. She's a sophomore girl that I actually met during the previous school year, but didn't really become friends with until this school year. Haha she's a very interesting girl, and I've had a TON of interesting times because of her. It's fun to hang around her =)

And so, I feel like telling some of the many tales and adventures that I've had with her in not even a year's time!!! (wow was it only that long? we did so much!!! hahaha)

One time, she lost her cousin's tennis racket at school, and asked me to help her find it! Hahaha apparently, she had lent it to a friend and her friend carelessly misplaced it. How mean!!! Anyways, We searched ALL OVER to find it. We triple checked the gym locker rooms, quadrulple checked the lost and found, questioned teachers, and did a whole lot of back and forth walking. BUT, we didn't find it. Haha I think we had a lot a fun frantically trying to find that racket, searching and doing things we wouldn't normally do had it been a plain, average day. hahaha well, a few months later, she found it... ON TOP OF HER GYM LOCKER!!! HAHAHAHAHA. lol it's understandable that she didn't find it, being that the lockers are tall and that that was a pretty unliely place to leave a tennis racket, but STILL hahaha. What were the chances??!! And it was SO close to her too!!! hahahahaha. That brightened me up ^^.

Haha another time (2/2/09), she left her english assignment at home and she had to run back home and get it. Yes run. AND in the rain!!! ^^ fun huh? Well actually, I thought she had fun, and I did too! Haha yes, I went with her. I don't exactly rememebr why I tagged along but I think I was thinking that it was too dangerous to go alone. Plus I think she asked for soem company... I think haha. SO, we ran out! Luckily, her house is only a 2 minute drive away from the school. We jogged on the sidewalk, me pushing her to speed up when she slowed down, cuz we had a time limit. I think it was at 2:30, her english teacher was gonna head on home (it was aftershool btw haha no worries. we aren't deliquents) Eventually, we reached a part of the way that didn't have a sidewalk, but had a sideline for bikers and such, where on one side there was traffic, and on the other, the iron fence thing that went along the road. I walked along within the sideline, but SHE insisted on walking on the opposite side of the fence, where the gorund was full of slippery debries and mud, and was even sloped downhill!!! I refused to let her continue unless I had a grip of her hand in case she fell. And of course, she resisted ^^. In the end, I had to hold onto her sweatshirt sleeve and we were on our way!!! =) haha so eventually we reached her house. I think that was the first time I ever entered it! Her parents were out, which I thought, and probably she thought, was a good thing. She soon found her assingnment and me were soon on our way back to the school!!! I told her to put the assignment under her shirt so it wouldn't get wet. lol good idea! XD Haha anyways, we headed back, I had to hold her sleeve again, and pushed her to run faster until her finally got back to the school! Haha guess what? We made it in time!!! She handed in the assignment (though her teacher apparently looked at her funny cuz she was all wet). Success!!!!! XD Haha that was a really interesting time! =D

A little while later (2/2/08), I got to go to her house again!!! ^^ Hmm I wonder if I can recall this stor correctly.. hope so! Sooooooooooooo this is what happened, I hadn't stayed after school that day, and wasn't doing much at home, when suddeny, XG called! Apparently, she was lost!!! haha Thinking back, this was probably when I first learned of her knack for getting lost haha not that I'm one to talk, but still. Apparently, she was trying to go home to pick up a chem assignment she forgot, but got lost trying to take a shortcut... which ended up being a longcut ^^". Somehow, she ended up WAAAAAAAAY off from her house. Over the phone, I tried to direct her in the right direction using mapquest. It worked, but apparently, she had fallen down and few times... and the tone of her voice!!! ARGH!!! I couldn't take it anymore, I got up and drove toward her house. I found her, and after a funny meeting and after making her get in the car, I drove her to her house!!! hahaha But when we got there... she noticed that she forgot her house key... BACK AT THE SCHOOL!!! Hahahaha yeaaaaaaaaa so I had to drive her back to the school. We got her key, and I had to force her to accept my help and get in the car, and we were on or way, back to her house!!! haha so she got her house door ope, we got inside, AND... she couldn't find her assignment!!!! We searched for like, 20 minutes, in her folders, she checked the rooms, yea. It wasn't there!!! AH!!! And so, we soon gave up and went back to the school... and guess what? THE ASSIGNMENT WAS IN HER BACKPACK!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA Apparently, it was in a folder she rarely used. Well apparently, she did use it. And so, we did all that stuff for nothing, but I had fun with it!!! And I think she did too!!! :)

Haha yes, I have more stories. On 4/5/09, XG walked to my house... to pay me 5 bucks she owed me. hahaha We live pretty close to eachother, BUT STILL!!! Haha so, I before she arrived, I was talking on the phone with her, and she abruptly hung up... so she could come to my house!!! She hinted that she would before, but I couldn't tell if she was being serious., which was her plan cuz if I had known, I would've driven out to get her hahaha. There are some dangerous, sidewalk-less streets you know. Well, she arrived at my house... as I was preparing a gourmet meal for myself... ramen :D. Haha I let her in, put she refused to takeher shoes off and enter the house. lol well, I just busied myself with cooking my lunch. hahaha I kept her waiting for a little while, kinda purposely cuz it was amusing. I tried to let her maker herself at home but she just stood by the doorway. hahaha it was fun to prolong her stay =D. Anyways, eventually, I let her wait outside cuz she wanted (it was a nice day :D) and quickly ran out, and pulled the car out of the garage. Haha I pulled her toward the car, and forced her in. Hahaha you know, after all the times I forced her into my car, it's really amusing to think of how we look. Hahaha no! I do NOT look like I'm trying to kidnap her :D. Anyways, after forcing her in, I drove her home.

Hahaha I had a bunch of other fun times with XG. Some at barnes and nobles, others at ths school. I feel like hanging with her makes the day more interesting, more out of the ordinary. Haha Things are never really boring with her. And even though she complains about what I do (like giving her rides) she always smiles, so it's fun ^^. I've had a lot of fun with her this year. I can't even describe it. I just hope that she's had fun with me too. Maybe I'll write about the other times I've had with her some other time. It's kinda overwhelming to write about them all at once. But I will write about them... one day. =)

Long TIme No Seeeee!!!! ^^

Whew!!! Man it's been a whiiiiiiiile! A LONG while!!! Haven't posted anything SOOOOOOOOO LOOOONG!!!!!!

Man I've been preoccupied with stuff. But I've just haven't felt like blogging recently lol. Why? I guess it's cuz the initial thrill of blogging died down? nah, not so much. I was kinda stressing over school stuff, though in the end, I didn't really study. I guess I initially wanted to start the blog cuz I wanted to let out some stuff I've been keeping in for so long or even recently. But nowadays, I've felt pretty happy. Really happy actually I guess. So blogging, which I started to express soem negative thoughts, didn't seem necessary anymore. hmm on second thought, that isn't much of a reason either.

Maybe I've begun to see blogging as work? I spend SO much time typing every post and my posts are pretty long too! It's hard to get myself to start blogging but if I start I'll keep going... kinda like how I appoach studying ^^".

Well, all the log ideas I've noted down in my planner have relly piled up now, and I think it's about time I work on all of them.

WHEW that's a lot of typing. Well... Here we go!!! XD

Scrubs

Well, a few hours ago on May 6, 2009, I watched the one hour season finally of Scrubs, and I gotta say, I miss it already.

It was such a great show. I can barely describe how good it was. It was hilarious and touching, taught life lessons, and entertained SO many people everywhere with its characters, dialogue, and much more!!!

I LOVED this show. The finale was great too. I thought that the first half was pretty sad at first, but by the end, I felt satisfied and happy. I felt like I was saying goodbye to a friend forever, but I would always have the memories. Haha kinda weird to say this about a show but I guess this just shows how important and amazing this show was, for me, and for people everywhere.

I'm gonna miss it, but like so many other people have already said, all things come to an end, and if the show started up again, it just wouldn't feel the same. I would be glad to see more episodes, but this finale... this finale... was just a great way to end it all.

Thank you Scrubs, for doing so much for us in so many ways. Its not just a show. Its managed to touch people everywhere, and spreading laughs and new ideas as well.

Thanks for everything. =)

A Pretty Happy Realization

Haha so I haven't posted on my blog for a while, even though I still got a bunch of things I wanna talk about.

Lol anyways, I'm not gonna post a lot for a while cuz I'm stressing over AP tests and I just don't feel like it... probably b/c of the AP tests hahaha.

I just wanted to quickly post something in case I forget to write about it later.

Hahaha so, I was watching a funny TV show called Friends, and today's episode was about one of the main characters getting married. Now, getting married is a big deal and all, but that wasn't the issue here. For the past few years, whenever I've seen a marriage, whether it was on TV or in real life or whatever, I've always felt a dark tugging feeling. This is because the relationship between my parents was a biiiiit bad at the time... well, more like up until the end of 2008.

Okay it was just plain horrible. So horrible that I began developing some negative feelings concerning marriage (of course, I did have happy feelings too since it's marriage after all, it's jsut that my happy feelings were muddled by my negative ones).

Anyways, when I watched the marriage seen today, I realized that my negative feelings were gone. It was a really shocking realization, a happy one too. I guess by bad feelings disappeared because my parents have behaving well lately. I say "behaving well" rather than "getting along well" because before they got along well, I had come to see them a little kids squabbling over whatever lol.

I'm really glad that my parents have been getting along well. It's made life at my house a LOOOOOOOT better. Seriously. haha. I'm also really glad that I don't feel any animousity towards marriage any more. =)

My Time At Home 5/1/09

Hahaha today is May 1st!!! Otherwise known as MAY DAY!!!! XD I find that rally amusing and interesting :D.

haha anyways, after I got home from my implant appointment around 4:15, I didn't feel like going to the First Aid Squad Building, cause I was feeling down and annoyed by the whole fake teeth setback. I was bothered a lot by my parents' reactions to the news too lol. Haha also, it was a dark muggy day so I just didn't want to go =D. Kinda feel bad for slacking off on my duty though... >< too ="D."><") and I went to watch TV. Haha at 12 (midnight) we started talking on aim, and decided to blog on our respective blogs!!! XD hahahahaha and nooooooooooooooooooow we're here ^^.

Hahaha actually, I think I spent way over 2 hours talking to her on the phone!!! Yea!!! New Recooooooooord!!! XD Yay! Had an implied High Five with XG!!! =D. Lol and for the whole day... I've must've talked to her for like... 5 hours or something!!!! Hahaha it feels like longer =).

I had a really fun time talking to her!!! I hope she had fun talking to me too!!!!!! =D

I Don't Want to Admit It

I don't like admitting certain negative things about myself. Like, I feel that, for example, I admitted I was depressed, then I would truly believe I was depressed, and wallow in the idea... something I seriously don't want to do. By not admitting it, I feel that I won't give into evils and horrors of the idea.

So I really, reallllly don't want to admit that I have bad luck, even though there are signs of it every now and then. And I'm not saying that I have bad luck all the time. Good things happen to me too! But... my good luck usually gives way to only little good things usually. But when something bad happens to come across me, I'm hit pretty hard.

Like today, I went to my teeth implant guy, and I had to get one of the rod set ups for my fake teeth taken out. The story behind this is that I was born without 2 adult teeth, so without implanting fake teeth into my mouth, I'll have two spaces in my lower row of teeth forever. But by getting braces (which I reaaaaaaaaaaaaaally don't like having) to move my teeth to give way to the fake teeth, going through surgery to impant these metal rods into my jaw, and placing crowns on these rods, I can acquire fake teeth.

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT I guess I'm not so lucky, cause one of the rods ended up loose somehow. Apparently, there was ONLY a 95% chance that nothing would go wrong -.-". Dang that 5% lol ><. Yea soooooo it looks like I'll have todeal with unexpected teeth issues and will have to go through the surgery and drugging again. Woohoo~ lol.

But yea, seriously, bad luck much? Recently, I've also faced some trouble in stat class, where my teacher ended up losing one of my tests, and a hw for a while. Haha then there are the little events caused by bad luck or coincidences or whatever. Like, I ended up missing a day of school, but by the end of the day I realized how badly I needed to go to school that day. It was such a huge like, twist of fate or irony or something ><.

Haha but back to the central topic. I feel that if I admit I have bad luck, I'll have bad luck all the time. They say that to fix a problem, you have to admit you have one, but I don't think that applies to this situation. I feel that if I let myslef I admit that I have bad luck or am depressed or whatever, I'll be holding a big, heavy, dark, and negative weight on my shoulders, and in my heart too. I can't let that happen.

So as long as I feel this dense negative threat, I'll always fight the ideas of bad luck that I have. =)

Aftershool 4/29/09

Soooooooooo I went home... at first!!! ^^ I had to pick up two checks that I kept forgetting to bring to school. I need them so I could take the AP English Language Exam instead of the AP Literature Exam I signed up for. Haha I didn't know the difference between them at the time ^^".

So I drove to school, ran in, handed in the checks, got my old check for the lit. exam back, and went off to a review session for the bio AP test. I didn't really learn much, but by going, I ended up learning that I needed a buy a new AP Bio Test Book. The ones I had weren't that great. Apparently, Kaplan has a lot of mistakes in it, and Princeton Review is too easy.

Anyways, after the session, I hung out with HG for a bit, we went to the library/infocentre cuz she wanted to review what we had learned in the session. EE was there too, doin physics hw. Haha I was kinda tempted to leave cuz they get along so well and I didn't wanna be a quiet, awkward presence that didn't have anything to say. But I stayed for a bit, talked with them, and decided to go home.

I made a trip to the bathroom, and pondered about whether or not I should look for some of my friends that might be outside, cuz I saw AZ througha window, so I assumed that she was going to hang out with ppl. But I decided that it was too much trouble and that there was a really big chnace that I wouldn't find anyone and would've searched for nothing. Haha I made the right choice. Turns out she went to a play practive in the farmhouse near the school. =)

So was about to leave when I heard running footsteps behind me... and was suddenly tackled from behind... hard!!! haha I knew who attacked me without even having to look, it was XG!!! ^^ I had wondered where she was cuz she always stays after and I didn't see her anywhere.

So I decided to stay a bit longer and hang with her. haha I saw EW as she was leaving and apparently, she has her drivers permit now!!! XD Good for her!!!

So I didn't plan to stay too long, cuz I wanted to go home, cuz I told HG that I was going home, and cuz I never really told my mom that I was gonna stay at school after dropping off the checks. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I ended up sticking around until 4. Hahaha just 40 minutes longer than planned. :D

So I talked with her, got kicked by her, got hit by her, had my shoe laces attacked by her, got hit in the head by her flute case, got hit by rocks, got hit on my glasses (yay eye protection!), and just hung out with her =). Haha the violence mentioned isn't as bad as it might sound... though, then again, it's me, so I think I deal with all these things better than others :D. Then again, I don't think anyone else would allow such things to happen to them at all! Haha oh well, it's more fun and interesting this way.

Haha and before anyone thinks that I'm letting my self get pushed over, I wanna say that I did retaliate!!! xD Poking her sides, fuzzing her hair, beating her in verbal battles (haha she's the only one that I've ever managed to win over XD), hood attacking her, doing some tickling thing on her knees, stealing her flute case, moving her around as I wished by taking hold of her backpack, and more!!! XDXDXD

Hahaha some funny things that happened. I looked outside and said, "ohh! A bird!!!" and XG actaully looked away and I managed to take hold of her backpack!!! HAHAHA AWESOME. She accidently hit me with her flute case, so I learned that it was a leathal weapon. HAHAHA also, she took out her water bottle, and I was jokingly gonna say something about it being a lethal weapon like the flute case... but she actually hit me withthe bottle hahahahaha. WOW XD. One of the times when I took her flute, I accidentally almost knocked over a sign on the sidewalk! Hahaha I caught it in time though, and set it up again. Haha another time I took her flute, I made my way to my car and locked myself in! Hahaha I actually did something like with her at barnes and nobles once!!! I should totally blog about that another time cuz this post is getting long haha. That was a fun day too!!! XD

Haha so she wanted to walk home, something I forbid her to do cuz its dangerous and stuff and I don't feel confortable letting her walk home, at least when she's alone. Some parts of the road lack sidewalks and safe sidelines for walking. Haha truthfully, I kinda have a "she could get hurt or die" feeling in my chest. So I just really prefer her taking the bus home. Haha plus, she's told me all these horror stories about bad drivers and close calls during the other times she's walked home. Haha so stalled her and made her take the 4'0'clock late bus XD. GOOD JOB ME!!!

Hahaha she kept telling me how dumb I was in a.. uhh excited and energetic voice hahaha but I just took it as if she wsa thanking me. Haha after all, this is XG I'm dealing with!!! And if XG ever reads this post, I'd just like to say that I'm good at interpreting her "language"!!!! XD

Haha so HG and EE ended up seeing me, and I felt kinda bad cuz I told them I was leaving, but ended up staying with XG instead. But I didn't let this thought get to me. I probably should've brought the topic up in a apologetic tone, but that didn't occur to me until now haha.

Anyways, after making sure that XG took the bus home, I went off and did something that I hadn't done in a long time, wave good bye to HG as she drove home!!! Hahaha it's something EE (shemvil girl, not EE Korean guy) started, and I just continued it after she couldn't do it anymroe cuz of track practice. I've occasionally brought other people to wave with me hahaha that was fun.

So when her car came up, with HG driving and her mom and sister riding along, I waved and yelled "long time no see!!! =D" cuz HG told me how her mom always asked where I was when I wasn't there waving hahahaha. Her mom yelled out "we missed you!" and I was like "Thanks!!!" and started to run to my car hahaha. I saw EE (guy) driving away as a ran and waved. He waved back! hahaha. Then I finally went home. I had a pretty fun time this afterschool!!!! XDXDXD

=)

PIGGY BACKING!!! HAHAHA

HAHAHAHAHA

Soooooooooo my school has these days called fitness days. We have them 2 times a week in gym class. They usually stink... a lot. Everybody always complains about it. haha one time, some kids tried to boycott it by not changing... they failed. They all just got marked down instead. I don't mind them too much. Fitness days have always given me the chance to see friends in other gym classes. Haha, though I usually don't mind them, since I'm injured and all, it's kinda hard to to the exercises cuz I might hurt myself more ><. Ahhhhhh but I manage =D.

Haha anyways, today's fitness day consisted of the gym classes doing plyometrics across the football field. Those are kinda fun. I like running. Though, this time was kinda bad, cuz I realized how out of shape I was. I always thought that I still had a decent physical ability and running speed, not as much as I had when I was still running cross-country, but not that bad. haha by the end of the period, I was sore.

Haha anyways, during the period, instead of doing plyometrics, we did something that turned out pretty... very awesome!!! XD hahahaha it was totally unexpected too! PIGGY BACK RIDING!!! hahaha everyone was ocnfused at first!!!! =D We all had to partner up with someone in our group and piggy back the partner across the field. Then the partners would switch roles and come back to the starting point. haha the people in my group were EN, NM, and AH. We split up so that the partners were one guy and one girl. so I was partnered w/ AH.

So EN and NM went first, NM on EN's back, and they ran off! Hahaha it was great! Everyone was laughing. Hahahahahaha it was HILARIOUS when EN (girl) tried to carry NM back!!! hahaha I think EN is strong, but not strong enough to cary a guy like twice her weight and height. hahaha so she trieeeeeeeed... but she was like, collapsing after a few steps. HAHAHAHA FUNNY!!! XD So NM ended up carrying EN again back to the starting line. Then it was my and AH's turn!!!! =)

Soooooooooo I never piggybacked a person in a whiiiiiiile. hmm.... make that a long while. Haha I've kinda... always... wondered what it was like to carry a girl... haha like in a manga! ^^" Never really imagined that I would get the chance! Not that I thought about it that much haha.

Soooooooo I ran across the field!!! I kinda reget bouncing her around on my back ^^". I should've ran more smoothly. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut the event was exciting, so it didn't occur to me! XD IT WAS SO MUCH FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!! XDXDXD HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. She wasn't that heavy. Haha in fact, she apologized for like, literally weighing me down but I told her that she wasn't that heavy!!! ^^ I think that was a good/right thing to say!!! XD Haha and... well... haha it was just a really nice experience to carry a girl... soft... fun... nice... haha. And she's kinda pretty too... ANYWAYYYYS =D.

Don't be mean! Don't judge me!!! ^^ Sorry if what I just said was offensive!

So when I reached theend of the field, we were like, yeaaaaaaaaaa no way AH can carry me. Hahaha so I didn't even bother setting her down, I just turned around and ran back!!! XD hahahah THAT WAS SOOOOOOOOO MUUUUUUUCH FUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! XD

Haha when we were heading back inside, everyone agreed that today's fitness day felt short even though we did more things and that it was pretty fun! Especially the piggy back riding part.

Haha I was in a good mood after that, even though I had to take a bio test right after. Haha it was kinda freaky. I went to a restroom after gym ended and I looked in the mirror and I looked like, dead. Like, grayish, clammy face and stuff. Hahaha and I felt seriosly energy deprived and empty headed too. I never felt like that before ^_^".

Haha I'm really glad that I've toughened up. I was able to keep a strong hold on myself despite my tired condition. Haha and I feel that I did pretty well on that bio test too! Though, now I'm kinda scared that I did kinda bad after all. Really hope I did well though, cuz this was the lst major bio test of the year.... my SENIOR YEAR!!! ><" yea. so I studied kinda hard, but I wish I studied more.

Other good parts of the day was having a sub in english, making myself have a nice nap in econ, having my stat teacher find my hw that she lost, and hanging out with people afterschool!

Hmm I've written a lot on this post, I'll make anew one to talk about what happened afterschool! XD. The piggy backing event today was FUUUUUUUUUUN!!!! XDXDXD

Easily Injured

Hmmm I don't seem to heal well.

I mean, I got a knee injury, an achilles heel injury, a wrist injury, and a elbow injury... all on my right side. ANNNNNND I got a back injury too! It's been MONTHS since I've gotten all these injuries, so either I'm not doing something right, or my body stinks at healing.... maybe its both ^^". I mean, there have been times when I've felt that some parts of my body have been getting better, and recently, my injured areas have been healing well, but usually, the injuries get worse. The severity of my injuries go up and down ><.

I'd say that I deal with injuries well. Although I react like I've been really hurt... I'm actually fine.. the only reason that I react like that at all is because of some girls I know that have gotten me into a bad habit... I'll go into that later :D. Really, I deal with physical pain well. Hits, cuts, scrapes, and so on. I'm okay with them. But that doesn't mean that I don't wanna avoid them. ^^

Injuries of the heart however, are things that I don't deal with well... but I've gained a better resistance to them since my younger days... as in last year and earlier. I get confused a lot of the time. Like, what did this person mean by this? Or did I say something wrong? what did I do? Should I apologize? Is this person upset with me? And so on. It really kills me when I'm thinking these things to myself. That's why I'm working on building the confidence that will stand strong against these meaningless and insignificant worries I have. So far, so good. :)

But it's not just worries about myself that kill me. I stress out over the pain of others. And while I don't really see this as a bad thing, I wish I had the ability to help solve the problems of others as long as I have this trait, because I'm just making myself suffer.

I want to be able to help the people around me... help solve their problems.. get along better with them... but unfortuneately, I kinda stink at all of this. Ugh, this issue of mine is one of the only things about me that I feel really haven't improved. Oh well, I'm going to improve myself. I have to and I WILL. =)

Haha but yea, I think if anybody seriously insulted me, especially when cursing at the same time,one of two things would happen I would act tough and ask the guy what his problem was or something... orrrrrrr I would cry on the inside, and very unlikely, the outside... but I think that would only happen if a friend did or said something bad to me. Haha yea, cry. I have a pretty weak innerself... at least I did in the past. I really have toughened up over the years.

Haha in fact, I've recently thought that if I could, I would go back in time to last year, and beat some sense into myself, physically AND verbally... as in punching myself in the face and telling me to grow a ___... yea. XD

I've let things get me down way too easily in the past... and now I'm seriously tired (and sick) of it. That's why I've maned up recently. Still got some ways to go though. But I'll get there!!!

Straws

Haha so I guy I know was like "Hey man, are you serious?" during lunch today. And I was like, "what?" And he made a gesture to my chocolate milk, and I said "hey! I like it! gezz haha." And he was like, "no man! the straw!" I was like, "huh?! What's wrong w/ it?!" He said that only little kids use straws... or girls.

I was like, "hey man, what's wrong with it?!" and in my mind, I was thinking "well I don't want my lips to touch that nasty carton! and its easier to drink with a straw!!! gezz ^^"." yeaaaaa I guess he was joking, but still!! Ugh... my pride!!! haha I knew that straws were kinda kiddy, but I like to use them to drink cold drinks! So sue me!!! gezz haha. Need some time to recover from that blow to my manhood... hahaha. =D

TV

I watched WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY too much TV as a kid. I've probably seen episodes of Rugrats and other cartoons over 3 times... that's a lot of TV. Omg.. Fox, Nickolodean, Kids WB, Fox Kids, Cartoon Network, abc family... I... I just watched an unimaginable amount of TV throughout my childhood... to the point that rather than seeing the same episodes of stuff only 3 times... it was probably over 10 times... yea Very bad.

Haha my time was spent on TV while my brother's was spent on video games, so I've always wondered why his eyesight is so much better than mine. Guess TVs do more damage lol. I've kicked the TV addiction since, but I'm still tempted to watch TV shows occasionally, though I'm more into shows with real people now ^^.

Haha nowadays, I watch shows that are funny. Like Scrubs! XD But I watch movies and more serios shows too... but funny shows FTW!!! XDXDXD

A Wish for Myself

I once blogged about wishes. Well, for years now, I've wished for one thing. If I could have this wish come true, my life would be pretty close to perfect. I've wished for this during elementary school, middle school, and even high school. Thinking back, I still wish that my wish could've been granted back then, though having my wish granted now would be great nevertheless.

All I've ever wished for was to do well in school.

Haha selfish, right? well, this it a wish that I would make for myself. Of course, if I ever got a chance to have any wish granted like with a genie or something, I'd wish for like, a world without poverty or war or pollution or something grand like that. But this is a wish that I've always wanted... ALWAYS.

So much... SO MUCH strife... tears... pain... damage... marital trouble... family trouble... health problems... mental problems... all of them could have been avoided if I were just smarter. Though I've gained a few things from all of my troubles... I... there are times when I think that what I've gained isn't worth what I've suffered for so many years... and not just me, but my family too.

AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. all of the... ARGH... that could've been avoided... it makes me angry... yet cry inside... haha...

Hmm... well, maybe I should take back what I said about "isn't worth...suffered." I mean, my painful past actually played a large part in making some of the good features of me and my family members.

Oh well, I still want my wish granted. Admittedly, maybe I didn't work hard to have this wish come true... but... haha I can't explain it.. but I have a horrible, stressful feeling within me when I think of how to explian why I couldn't do anything to change things myself. It's like... I feeling in my soul... I'm not exaggerating. Actually, its a feeling in mind, body, AND soul...

But now... now... NOW!!! Things are going to be different... they HAVE to be. I can't afford to not do well in school now, especially in college. So whatever force grants wishes... if you can hear me now...please... HELP ME DO WELL IN SCHOOL

haha I've always felt guilt when making a wish for myself. I mean there are so many people in the world... suffering, starving, dying... they would beg to be in any of the "bad" situations I've had in my life. I've felt this guiltt since I was young... like middle school.. maybe even younger. But still, I can't help but want to make a wish for my sake now. Actually, it was never just for my sake... it was for me... my family... and everybody we affect.

One person affects many.

Love in My Life

Blah... interesting thing it is...love. It can arouse so many... weird feeling and reactions in a person. Tightness of the chest, an embarrassed yet happy feeling, a mind that sometimes goes crazy over the person one has in mind... wow.

haha but I think it must be nice to have a partner... girlfriend that is. I imagine that a guy would be very happy to have one... haha yea, I've never had one before, but that doesn't mean that I've never fallen in love before.

haha when I was in grade school, I knew this girl named Kelsey Deleany (think that was how you spelled her last name. She was a pretty cute girl as I remember. She lived a few houses down the street I used to like in. haha I used to live on 80 Everygreen Avenue, New Providence, NJ. It was nice there. When I has a kid, we hung out a lot together. It was nice =).

haha I remember one time, I hurt myself with like, a wooden train track by getting my leg skin pinched really hard and that she rushed to her mom to help me ^^. lol Kills my pride to type this, but she and I played with her barbie dolls. Hey! I was like, 6! I didn't know they were for girls! gezz! ^^. Haha another time, she hid a grade she got back from me. It was a 86 or something, which must've been bad for grade school I guess... don't remember. She got angry at me for looking and after ignoring me for a while, finally forgave me. I said it was okay, but I wish I said "I'm sorry too! for looking." haha but I guess I wasn't that smart and well-mannered then. >< oh well, we got along again. XD

It was so long ago... and I'm not sure what I felt was like, a I like you feeling or just the new feeling of a guy hanging with his first girl friend (not girlfriend) ever. Either way, I had a lot of fun with her.

She was a nice girl. But I think... somehow (I don't remember. some fight? we grew distance?)... we grew apart... and eventually... she moved away... and I never heard from her again. I've always kinda regreted losing my friendship with her. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever meet her, or the other people I've met in my life ever again. I kinda hope I do. X)

Haha I remember I had another girl friend named Caitlin.... something... never learned her last name ^^". Again, grade school! My bad for not remembering. Anyways, she wasn't exactly cute like Kelsey was, but she was alright. haha she had curly hair and was a bit chubby. She also spoke like... hmm like a proper lady kinda a person. haha. She was a nice person too! And I got along with her well. But... one day, she just disappeared. I later learned that her parents had decided to home school her. I had no way of contacting her either. Sometimes I wonder what happened to her, and if she's still getting homeschooled.

Haha now comes the final girl that I've ever hung out with... until I reached middle school. Sarah... Yoon I think her last name was? Haha I didn't like like her though. Her mother and father were members of my old church and I guess my parents befriended them there. She was a korean girl about my age, I think she was a few months older though. I don't really remember what she looked like... she moved away... and at the same time as Tony, the friend of mine I mentioned in an earlier post. My memories with her are hazy, but I think we had fun together. I kinda recall running around with her on a field at a church event, seeign her at church, hitting a pinata at her b-day party, hanging out with her and tony at my old house... I thikn we really had fun together. ^^

Well anyways, recently, I've begun to think that I have no interest in any girl in my grade, and have thought that I'll just have to wait, hope, and see what happens in college. All the girls I know have boyfriends, are out of my league (or at least I feel that way), wouldn't get along with me in a realationship, or are just girls that I don't really want as a girlfriend.

haha after my "crushes" (I quote it cuz like I said before, I'm not sure if I likesd them as friends or more-ish) in grade school, I've only actually liked one person... though recently, though I don't want to admit it, there maybe be a second. haha her name was AZ. Truthfully, I think I only liked her for two reasons. One, I thought she was someone she actually wasn't. And two, I liked her during my junior year, which is when she became my friend. (unfortuneately, I didn't get to know her well until serior year... haha if I knew then what I knew now I problably wouldn't have liked her like I did). Like I've mentioned a few times before... junior year... bad. Like really bad. Now that I think about it, I always tried to talk to her. Me talking with her was like, the highlight of my day at the time. I guess a lot of my feelings for her were fueled by the badness of my life at the time.

Haha I remember having a killing feeling in my chest when things didn't really go the way I wanted when I talked to her. There are still times when she's just completely like blah. Nonreceptive to my presence really. But now, I just don't care. At all ^^. Haha I even secretly gave her valentine's day chocolate. Though, I kinda got aggravated by the fact that she cared more about how it got there rather than the gesture itself. I mean seriously, that kinda ruined it for me. haha oh well. I kinda regret ever liking her now, but I just gotta move on and junk.

Now comes my most recent issue. I'm really confused now. I don't know whether I like this girl or not... and even if I do, I'm not really sure if I should like her at all. She's a very interesting girl. I have fun when I'm with her. haha I'm not afraid to act as dumb as a want unlike when I'm with my other friends. I worry about her... so here's where it gets kinda complicated... I don't know if this is a love like how a parent loves and worries about his/her kid or maybe if I'm just caring too much or what. Haha I also have the impression that a guy likes her already, though personally, I don't think they relly get along together at all. Haha back then the impression was stronger, but recently, I've been having huge doubts that this impression is correct. I also have the impression that this girl has someone she likes already.

Ugh, but I gotta sort out my own feelings before I worry about anyone else's. I don't understand. When the someone joking asked if I liked her, the idea persisted in my head (not b/c I actually had feelings for the girl, but because I'm easily impressionable) so I quelled this idea with ease. With the two impressions I listed above, I convinced myself that the confusion and difficulties that would come if I admitted to myself that I liked this girl would be WAY too complicated and overwhelming... but now... NOW!!! WHY!!?! I suddenly kinda feel like how I did with AZ! Excited to talk to her and more!!! WHY?!?! I'm suppressing these unsure feelings of mine. Somehow, I really doubt that she would like me back, despite the first impression I mentioned being nearly concluded as wrong.

I... JUST... DON'T... KNOW. DO I LIKE THIS GIRL OR NOT! AHHHHHHH IT'S DRIVING MY MIND INSANE!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OF HER ANYMORE. And my mind is going off on its own thinking ideas of love about her. Ugh. I don't know what to do!!!

I think these feelings first came about because of my excessive care and worry about her... I guess my tendency to worry about other people (which I don't like saying I have since it makes me feel... arrogant (right word?) about myself)... especially girls... turned into feelings?!!?

Ugh. Guess I'll just have to wait and see. For now, I'll try to suppress my "feelings." Hope things work out well for everyone! ^^"

Closed Mind

MY MIND... REALLY... ANNOYS ME.

Especially with my studies. Like, when I wanna study the textbook or something... I try to read it... but I can like, feel each sentence bouncing off my mind, like there was a wall around it or something. I just can't absorb the information! To make things worse, when this happens, I just can't get myself to sit down and study, and yea, that can lead to grade problems. But I know that I have to just read the material over again and again even if I feel that nothing is getting through to my mind.

The way I see it, I need three days to study textbook chapters, like biology. On the first day, I read the chapter to get my mind ready... get it familiar with the material. On the second day, I read, and I can absorb a lot of info. On the third day, I read the chapter again to increase my familiarity with the material and to make sure I have all my facts sorted out.

But my tendency to be unable to just sit down and read always gets in the way!!! It's so infuriating!!! This tendency... when I have it I get like, a nervous feeling, maybe a cold sweat, a tugging in my chest like I'm dealing with something big. I know its not that big. It's a test I'm dealing with here, not that that really matters. Anyways, I have a really hard time overcoming this feeling. But, I've succeeded in overcoming it several times. =D Doing better. Unlike last year when this feeling first came up. But I wish this feeling would go away for good. It's wasting my time, getting in my way, and making me run away from the problem of studying, and I'm really getting tired of running away from my problems.

I'm glad to say that I'm getting better with school and stuff for the most part. But there are times when I really wish that I could change some things about me a lot faster.^^

Mean Teachers

You know, I'm always surprised by the strange, strict, unfair, and down right evil actions of teachers. I mean, its not like I really don't like them or something. But seriously, isn't a teachers job to help their students? I'm not sure if picking on students or making them suffer is really part of the job description, and I'm sure that it isn't something the the teachers should really do.

Like, I got an english teacher right now who has a pretty strict teaching style. Haha there have been a few times when she's called out my name... just cuz I was looking right at her. haha it's kinda funny. Apparently, she expects the whole class to always make eye-contact with her when she talks. I mean, I know that sstudents are supposed to pay attention in class and all, but that's a liiiiiiiiittle too much. haha "well I don't wanna look at your face! so there!"... is what I've imagined myself saying ^^. haha she's also called me out for sleeping.. even though I wasn't sleeping. Either the angle at which she sees my head But really, its not like she really bothers me. Her... unique demeanor, the annoying way she speaks sarcastically when she's verbally condemning the class for what we did wrong, and.. uh... blah more stuff is actually amusing. Better than having a super evil, angry, yells a lot teacher. Still... it's not like I really like her either :D

Anyways, I heard of evil teachers and unfair teachers, but never before have I heard of teachers who are ACTUALLY evil! Seriously, my friend, XG, accidentally hurt her hand and was actually bleeding pretty badly. She told me that she actually showed her hand to the teacher when she was asking if she could go to the bathroom to take care of it. Guess what the teacher says? NO!!!

I mean seriously, bleeding... lesson... hmmm tough choice. Since when did missing 5 minutes of a lesson really do much? It's called "getting help/notes from a friend"... or it can be called "I don't care." lol. But really. I can imagine even a teacher who doesn't like his students would let a bleeding student out so he/she can avoid making a bloody mess everywhere. Gezz. XG had to wait for the WHOLE class to be over before she could finally get to the nurse. That's really bad! DX

XG also got a zero on an assignment. I mean, I knew her english teacher was bad. But seriously, that's just plain unfair, evil, and not right for a teacher to be doing. XG actually did the assignment. And whether she did well on it or not doesn't matter. a ZERO?!?! Seriously, what's up with this teacher? What happened to helping the students out when they could?! I just want to go to this teacher, and give her a lecture on how a GOOD teacher should try to be like:

"Look. A teacher is supposed to help their students, right? Doesn't that mean you should try to help the kids out grade-wise?!?! I'm not saying that you should bump up a kid's marking period grade by 5 points or let kids take retests whenever they don't do well, BUT COME ON?!?! Things like... bumping a kid's 89.3 to a 89.6 or letting kids hand in things late (w/ a few pts off) should be perfectly fine!!! BUT A ZERO!?!?! COME ON!!! HAVEN'T YOU EVER HEARD OF CREDIT FOR JUST DOING THE WORK AT ALL???? Gezz, what kind of teacher are you?!?!! Unfair much???"

haha note that I'm kind yelling and being serious when I'm saying this. ahhhhhh I wish I could help XG out. I hope i'ts alright that I wrote about this. If you're reading this, sorry if I was wrong to write about your personal events. well...I hope you're alright right now...

Hot Days

haha summer is coming!

but I've gotta say, there are some things that'd I'd not rather not have to deal with. For one, I've never been a bot weather liking person. And yeah, I'm not the only one, but ARGH! There are a bunch of irritating things that I don't like dealing with.

Sweating from heat, skin allergies, allergies in general, the constant threat of sunburn, those hot, humid days, the BUGS!!! ugh.

haha also, when I get embarrassed or nervous, my face tends to turn red... and while it's red, I'm always saying "turn back to normal, come on, come on!!!" in my head. haha. Weeeeeeeeeeeell my face turns red more easily when I'm too warm, or just plain hot. And when my face is red, it's not a pretty site... at least I imagine it to be ^^.

And in summer, I have to wear shorts and stuff... and there are some parts of my boday that I prefered to hide with jackets and other long clothes. A lot of my... um... hmmm what's the right word or phrase... bad points are revealed during summer. haha

Ugh, and I don't wanna deal with going outside for gym on super hot days. Not fun.

Ahhhhhhhh well. Summer is still nice. I don't mean to complain so much. Just wanted to get these complaints out of my head. Summer days are nice! Blue skies... brilliant green nature... this season seems full of life! So much sun too! It gives off... a happier setting! haha yeah, stating a known fact here, but summer is a season when people can be full of energy and more!!!

haha and don't forget having fun at pools and the beach ^^. That's great too!!! XD

Guy Friends

haha since hmmm... entering high school, I've gained a lot of friends... and like I've said before, I've been kinda saddened that I don't really have any close friends. But another thing that bothers me is that... haha I kinda lack friends who are guys.

hahaha not easy to admit, but for a while now, I've mainly hung out with girls, and gotten along better with girls as well. A lot of the guys I know... make lewd jokes and statements, cursing all the while... not in a bad way... but... the thing is, I don't really wanna act like that. And you kinda hve to to fit in with those guys. I don't mind it... but I just can't do it myself, not that I would want to... haha that would require a personality change. ^^

But yea, I realize that guys don't just talk about sports and girls, saying lewd things and cursing. I know they do other stuff too... but I don't know, I just can't get along with them well. But back in my old school, I had a good friend named Wilson Keng. He was a great guy. haha he was kinda fat, but he was tall, hilariously funny, and really smart! He was one of those kids whose parents forced him to only study and didn't buy him games and stuff. haha I laughed sooooooooooooooo hard from his jokes. He was a good person too!

I've met a lot of guys that I was able to be close friends with in the past too. Tony, Anthony, Jung, Damien, Jonathon, Paul... but in the end, somehow... my ties with them were cut off. I don't remember what happened with all of them... some moved away... I moved away too... and some friendships died off for no good reason.

I remember that happened with Anthony. He was my best friend in elementary school, but one day while I was hanging at his house, I hurt myself by getting my leg stuck in the sofa. I was crying in pain, but he didnt see what was the big deal. I guess he was tough, and I was being a bit of a baby. But he was being a bit uncaring too. I told my mom what happened, and she told me to not talk to him anymore.

I shouldn't have listened.

We were kids. Anthony's reaction was kinda understandable. He wasn't being mean or anything. He just failed to see the problem... he still spoke softly and stuff when asking if I was okay. I was a little kid then... but I know now that I shouldn't have listened to my mom like that. I've learned that she has a habit of condemning/judging people to quickly and harshly... haha kinda like my brother. It was because of my inability to think for myself that I lost a good friend.

Recently, I lost a few other good friends, one being Dan Marrero... but I'll write about him later.

Back to the main topic, I really wish I could get along better with the guys I know at school. I feel so distant from them. They can get along with people, guys and girls, so well, yet... I...feel like an outcast... I guess that's what happens when you fail to make really good friends... or just fail at making good friends.

haha in such a short time, two people I know became friends! and they get along really well too! haha pretty sad... naaaah thats not the right word.. more like.. surprising... actually, I'm kinda jealous of their ability to become friends so fast... so easily.

Well, right now, I have soon guy friends. They're really good, nice people. Really smart too. Good friends. Like EU and EN (even though I don't talk to him as much anymore). I'm glad I met them.

haha well, I hope I make a lot of good friends, guys and girls, in college. =D

Thinking

haha this is kinda like my "Running" post from a little while ago. I've always wanted to just... think.

haha well, yea I do that already.. but there's more to this idea. Duuuuuh! ^^

haha where should IIIIII begin... well, I just want to think about what I've dealt with in my life... I don't think I really have a right to say this.... but I feel that I've experienced a lot more than an average person does by my age.

But anyways... I've always just wanted to think... about everything! About all of I've done.. about all I've said... about all I've seen, heard, and believed... about my childhood... about my highschool days... and about now...

How I've acted... my friends... my family.... college... what I want to do with my life... my values... my beliefs.... ohhhhhhhhhhhhh and so much more!!!!

The past. The present. The future. Life in general... who I am... how I should change... what I should do... what I shouldn't do.... what I've regreted... love... behavior... time... studies... ahhhhhhh I could go on and on and onnnnnnnnnnnnnnn...

I wish I had all the time I needed to think like this... so then I wouldn't have to worry about doing other things like work and studying. I wish I could do something like this all alone... I want complete solitude... from people, bugs, maybe even the passing by cars.

haha I've tried to do this before a bit... but just laying around made me sleepy... that didnt work out! ^^" haha I want to do this to sort a lot of things in my head out. Help myself get over a lot of the things I've regreted (big and small things).. even since long ago. haha in the past, I was seriously haunted by so many "bad" and embarassing things I've done. haha

Looking at myself now... I'm kinda glad that I turned out so well. I've overcome so many things.. and things are looking better and brighter. Life isnt great... but, I can get things to head in that direaction... to be pretty close to great... one day I hope =D

haha a song that I'm listening to that kinda gives me the feeling for what I just typed above is "So Long Goodbye" by Sum 41.

Waaaaaah so many things to think about... so little time... perhaps I wouldn't be about to come to a conclusion about some things... like I would wish to so by thinking... but.. I think I would get a better feeling of... closure... of the numerous things that have been in my head. I really needed this thinking period last year... now... not as much... but... I think it would still be wonderful... and kinda necessary... to have. I hope that I can do this one day. =)