Closed Mind

MY MIND... REALLY... ANNOYS ME.

Especially with my studies. Like, when I wanna study the textbook or something... I try to read it... but I can like, feel each sentence bouncing off my mind, like there was a wall around it or something. I just can't absorb the information! To make things worse, when this happens, I just can't get myself to sit down and study, and yea, that can lead to grade problems. But I know that I have to just read the material over again and again even if I feel that nothing is getting through to my mind.

The way I see it, I need three days to study textbook chapters, like biology. On the first day, I read the chapter to get my mind ready... get it familiar with the material. On the second day, I read, and I can absorb a lot of info. On the third day, I read the chapter again to increase my familiarity with the material and to make sure I have all my facts sorted out.

But my tendency to be unable to just sit down and read always gets in the way!!! It's so infuriating!!! This tendency... when I have it I get like, a nervous feeling, maybe a cold sweat, a tugging in my chest like I'm dealing with something big. I know its not that big. It's a test I'm dealing with here, not that that really matters. Anyways, I have a really hard time overcoming this feeling. But, I've succeeded in overcoming it several times. =D Doing better. Unlike last year when this feeling first came up. But I wish this feeling would go away for good. It's wasting my time, getting in my way, and making me run away from the problem of studying, and I'm really getting tired of running away from my problems.

I'm glad to say that I'm getting better with school and stuff for the most part. But there are times when I really wish that I could change some things about me a lot faster.^^