A Wish for Myself

I once blogged about wishes. Well, for years now, I've wished for one thing. If I could have this wish come true, my life would be pretty close to perfect. I've wished for this during elementary school, middle school, and even high school. Thinking back, I still wish that my wish could've been granted back then, though having my wish granted now would be great nevertheless.

All I've ever wished for was to do well in school.

Haha selfish, right? well, this it a wish that I would make for myself. Of course, if I ever got a chance to have any wish granted like with a genie or something, I'd wish for like, a world without poverty or war or pollution or something grand like that. But this is a wish that I've always wanted... ALWAYS.

So much... SO MUCH strife... tears... pain... damage... marital trouble... family trouble... health problems... mental problems... all of them could have been avoided if I were just smarter. Though I've gained a few things from all of my troubles... I... there are times when I think that what I've gained isn't worth what I've suffered for so many years... and not just me, but my family too.

AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH. all of the... ARGH... that could've been avoided... it makes me angry... yet cry inside... haha...

Hmm... well, maybe I should take back what I said about "isn't worth...suffered." I mean, my painful past actually played a large part in making some of the good features of me and my family members.

Oh well, I still want my wish granted. Admittedly, maybe I didn't work hard to have this wish come true... but... haha I can't explain it.. but I have a horrible, stressful feeling within me when I think of how to explian why I couldn't do anything to change things myself. It's like... I feeling in my soul... I'm not exaggerating. Actually, its a feeling in mind, body, AND soul...

But now... now... NOW!!! Things are going to be different... they HAVE to be. I can't afford to not do well in school now, especially in college. So whatever force grants wishes... if you can hear me now...please... HELP ME DO WELL IN SCHOOL

haha I've always felt guilt when making a wish for myself. I mean there are so many people in the world... suffering, starving, dying... they would beg to be in any of the "bad" situations I've had in my life. I've felt this guiltt since I was young... like middle school.. maybe even younger. But still, I can't help but want to make a wish for my sake now. Actually, it was never just for my sake... it was for me... my family... and everybody we affect.

One person affects many.