I failed. Plain and simple.
I didn't get my results back, but I'm pretty sure I did horribly.
Like, on the essay portions of the bio and english exams I took, my essays were SOOOOOOOO bad. I didn't even know what to write for some of them!!! OMG seriously, I really don't want the results of my exams to ever come out... but they will.
However, I'm a senior, so bad AP tests don't really matter. On the other hand, my english and bio teachers still get to see my score. And I really, REALLY don't want them to see my score, and possibly ask me about it. The thought of it is enough to stress me out. I tried to ask my guidance counselur to cancel it, but I kept missing her. When I finally DID find her, it was too late to cancel them. Guess I didn't try to find her hard enough.
Oh well. Nothing I can do now except wait for the impending doom that won't really affect me in any huge way. Scratch that. It will affect me. But I don't wanna worry about it right now. I'm really tired about worrying about things that you can't change. For a while now, I've decided to be sad and regreful for a BIT, but afterwards, forget about it and focus on other things. Worrying endlessly is pointless and kills you on the inside. And after years of doing that to myself, I've gotten myself to stop pretty well :)
Friday, May 29, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
5/22/09
So, I never blogged about this pretty good day. Haha for starters, it was a half day, and even thought this was the day of the english class situation I mentioned earlier, it was still good and fun ^^.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I stayed afterschool and hung out with my friends. At one point, I was thinking about going home. SO glad that I decided to stay. Haha so here's what happened. Me, EE (girl), HG, and EE (boy) walked out toward the parking lot, and then, I think HG and EE (boy) wanted to go to the beach!!! Haha sooooooooooooooooooooo I took EE (girl) along and off we went!!!! :D
Haha EE (girl) didn't even know where the car was heading. All she knew was that she'd be back in time for her track meet. Hahaha. So I got shotgun and the two grils were in the back. We listened to songs off EE (boy)'s ipod cuz he had this cool cable that went from his ipod to his car. We all sang to the songs, though I sang softly haha. Not exactly and good singer... and don't exactly know all the lyrics to songs either hahaha.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO We soon got there, though we had to deal with some traffic. OMG I hadn't been to the beach in a looooooong while. Haha it was a bit cloudy and windy, and the water was FREEZING!!!! Like, 1 seconds after my feet were in the water, I was running around like mad, to warm them up! hahaha. Ahhhhh We walked along the shore, ran around, and had a pretty good time. I skipped a few rocks, while EE (girl) picked up pretty rocks to put in her fishtank at home. EE (boy) and HG hung out together for most of the time, while me and EE (girl) ran around energetically for like, the whole time hahaha. Omg, it was fun!!! XD I talked a bunch with all of them. =D
Haha I talked a lot w/ EE (girl) since we were being energetic and the other two were taking their time walking behind us. ^^ Haha we walked on on of the big congregations of big, gray rocks. Lol I took 2 pictures there and put them on facebook later. lol the first one I took looked like a seen in a movie or something hahaha. Haha while we were there ED called cuz allof us except EE (girl) were supposed to go to the A&P to buy senior prom flowers. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut apparently, we couldn't make it cuz we were too far away. So, we decided to just buy the flowers w/o ED. This changed later though.
XDXDXD So we hung out at the beach a bit more... chasing seagulls... OH there were baby seagulls!!! OMG they were so small hahaha. It was funny to watch EE (girl) chase seagulls too. lol so eventually, it was time to head back for EE (girl)'s track meet... a bit late actually hahaha. We quickly drove back to school, arriving like, RIGHT on time (4). Haha so after dropping off EE (girl), the three of us left for the A&P. Haha I kinda felt awkward cuz only the two of them really talked. oh, me and HG switched placed for the return trip. Haha which reminds me of how I got to spend some time back there with EE (girl). Hahaha she took a nap on the way to the beach and on the way back too. Lol she used my backpack as a pillow. It was nice to just hang with her too. I think I've been getting along really well with her lately. =) I've been getting along a bit better with a lot of ppl actually. yay! =)
So, when we got to the A&P, we waited in front of the counter for buying flowers... but no one was there. like, a minute later, LG called me and asked what I was up to. I told him and it turns out ED was with him... IN B&N!!!!!!!!! Hahaha right across the street!!! lol so they met up w/ us like, 10 minutes later... and still, no one came to the counter!!! haha though the three of us did have fun w/ the balloons on sticks that was near by hahaha.
So eventually, we had to ask an employee to get the counter person. She came over and took our flower orders. After that, EE (guy) dropped me off at home, and LG and ED went off somewhere. Haha though, LG called me when I got home to see if I wanted to hang our for like, another hour before we all went to the Melting Pot, but, I was like, naaaaaaaaah cuz we would run out of time before we knew it and I had to be home cuz I was getting a ride from EU to the Melting POT.
Haha so EU accidently overslept, and picked me up kinda late, and the bit of congestion on the road didn't help lol, so we got there like, 20 minutes late hahaha. Haha our friends who were already there kept calling us to ask where we were lol.
Soooooooo the Melting Pot was a pretty fancy place. High tech equipment, clean, wines, and fancy... assortments hahaha. It was a fondue place, for like, dipping stuff into cheese and chocolate and stuff. Haha I had a pretty good time there. It was me, LG, ED, YU, AN, EE (girl) who came late cuz of her meet, and AH. Haha the food was pretty fancy... and gooooooooooooood. Shrip and meat and pork and stuff.... apples, cheese with other stuff, fried and boiled pot things... yea. goooooooooooooooood. Hahaha it was pretty fun! We all talked and learned how to eat fondue food!!! XD
So what you do it use a long fork utensil, securely stab the piece of food onto the pointy fork end and dip the food into the... dipping.... pot.... lol and eat the food w/o touching it with your mouth. Easy enough. Eventually, (there were two dipping pots in the table) the waiters brought out one pot for us to cook in oil, and one pot for us to fry our food in after dipping the food into some sauce.
Haha it was good. AHHHHHHHH it was good... but at one point, I accidentally took AN's fork, and ate the food on it!!! ><" AHHHHHHHH it was an accident!!! The color of her fork (cuz the handles of all of our forks were different) looked like mine under the light. I guess I didn't look closely ><><><. Sooooooooo after we all realized her fork was missing, we al realized what happened and then AN gave me this evil glare!!! AUUUUUUUGH!!!! I apologized a lot and covered my red face w/ the desert menu I happened to be looking at. ^^" Ahhhhhhh she kept glaring for a while and complained about how she wanted the shrimp of hers I ate... which was actually the last shrimp. >< SORRY AN!!!
haha but I think I redeemed myself a bit in her eyes, not that she really thought what happened was a big deal. I don't think she really cared that much. Like after we ate most of the desert, there was only one piece of a particular desert left, so I asked AN if she wanted to have it. Lol she smiled and said no thanks, and said that I became obedient. Thanks? hahaha well, w/e. At least I she seemed okay with me now. I really think she was. XD
Haha the desert was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. like half of us ate desert from one pot which had a mix of white and dark chocolate to dip brownies, cheesecake, and marshmellows into, and the other half (including me) dipped the same foods into a pot with a dip of SMORES!!!! Chocolate and graham crackers!!! OMG. SO GOOOOOOOOOD. Haha I dipped marshmellows into it, FINALL completing my wish of eating smores. XDXDXD. I ate a lot of the remaining chocolate in the pot too. Hahaha sweet tooth!!! I felt really full afterwards... but it was worth it :D
Haha so soon enough, we all went outside. YU, AH, ED, and AN left together cuz they were al going to Philly for the 3 day weekend to hang out together haha lucky!!! The rest of us stayed and walked around for a bit to digest. We soon got bored, and decided to drive back to holmdel and to the park to hang out some more.
Haha but when we got there, the park was already closing down, and we got kicked out by the park rangers. hahaha. I talked to LG on my cell and we decided to head to B&N to hang out for a bit longer. Soooooooo EU dropped me off at my house cuz he wanted to go home and take nap and I drove myself to the Commons.
I met with them inside B&N. Haha but I had to search for them for a bit. lol I would've got the super good, sweet mocha frappachino at the starbucks there, but I was too full from the chocolate hahaha.
We walked around for a bit while RE (her nick name) asked her mom if she could stay out longer. Her mom told her that she had to be home by... 9:30 I think. Lol so we kept walking, and that's when I told them about the problem I had with those security things that are near the entrances of any store. The thing that beeps if you're stealing something.
Weeeeeeeell the problem with me was that I beeped... almost ALL the time hahaha. Entering or exiting, I kept triggering the alram system. Hahaha this problem made things interesting when I hung out with my friends. On the other hand, I had deal with some employees for a few seconds... oh and just the fact that I beeped (when I was alone) bothered me lol.
Haha so RE suggested that maybe my wallet was the problem. So, I put all the things in my wallet through the security system thing near the music section of B&N and nothing happened... until I walked through it hahaha. The employee at the counter said that maybe there was a sticker from another store in my wallet! Haha and she found it!!!! o.o ... XD
After struggling to get the sticker out, the employee gave me back my wallet. I thanked her wand returned to my friends. Hahaha turns out that the sticker was in this REAAAAAAAAAALLY well hidden place. ^^" Haha in the past, an employee there had told me that maybe there was a sticker on my pants lol. Now I know why I never found one. :D
Haha this situation led to some funny talks. =D
So we spent about an hour at the Commons. After FINALLY solving my beeping problem, the three of us went out, walked a bit, and sat on a bench. Haha LG layed on the bench, and RE sat... on his chest hahaha. The only way he could breath was to tighten his torso muscles hahaha. It's fun to watch these kind of things hahaha.
So eventually, the three of us sat on the bench, and spent like, 30 minutes there talking and laughing. I checked my watch a few times, and really, it seemed like time was going really slowly. Which was good, cuz it meant having more time to enjoy our time there :)
Soon enough, it was time to go. And so, we all went home. I had a lot of fun =)
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I stayed afterschool and hung out with my friends. At one point, I was thinking about going home. SO glad that I decided to stay. Haha so here's what happened. Me, EE (girl), HG, and EE (boy) walked out toward the parking lot, and then, I think HG and EE (boy) wanted to go to the beach!!! Haha sooooooooooooooooooooo I took EE (girl) along and off we went!!!! :D
Haha EE (girl) didn't even know where the car was heading. All she knew was that she'd be back in time for her track meet. Hahaha. So I got shotgun and the two grils were in the back. We listened to songs off EE (boy)'s ipod cuz he had this cool cable that went from his ipod to his car. We all sang to the songs, though I sang softly haha. Not exactly and good singer... and don't exactly know all the lyrics to songs either hahaha.
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO We soon got there, though we had to deal with some traffic. OMG I hadn't been to the beach in a looooooong while. Haha it was a bit cloudy and windy, and the water was FREEZING!!!! Like, 1 seconds after my feet were in the water, I was running around like mad, to warm them up! hahaha. Ahhhhh We walked along the shore, ran around, and had a pretty good time. I skipped a few rocks, while EE (girl) picked up pretty rocks to put in her fishtank at home. EE (boy) and HG hung out together for most of the time, while me and EE (girl) ran around energetically for like, the whole time hahaha. Omg, it was fun!!! XD I talked a bunch with all of them. =D
Haha I talked a lot w/ EE (girl) since we were being energetic and the other two were taking their time walking behind us. ^^ Haha we walked on on of the big congregations of big, gray rocks. Lol I took 2 pictures there and put them on facebook later. lol the first one I took looked like a seen in a movie or something hahaha. Haha while we were there ED called cuz allof us except EE (girl) were supposed to go to the A&P to buy senior prom flowers. Buuuuuuuuuuuuut apparently, we couldn't make it cuz we were too far away. So, we decided to just buy the flowers w/o ED. This changed later though.
XDXDXD So we hung out at the beach a bit more... chasing seagulls... OH there were baby seagulls!!! OMG they were so small hahaha. It was funny to watch EE (girl) chase seagulls too. lol so eventually, it was time to head back for EE (girl)'s track meet... a bit late actually hahaha. We quickly drove back to school, arriving like, RIGHT on time (4). Haha so after dropping off EE (girl), the three of us left for the A&P. Haha I kinda felt awkward cuz only the two of them really talked. oh, me and HG switched placed for the return trip. Haha which reminds me of how I got to spend some time back there with EE (girl). Hahaha she took a nap on the way to the beach and on the way back too. Lol she used my backpack as a pillow. It was nice to just hang with her too. I think I've been getting along really well with her lately. =) I've been getting along a bit better with a lot of ppl actually. yay! =)
So, when we got to the A&P, we waited in front of the counter for buying flowers... but no one was there. like, a minute later, LG called me and asked what I was up to. I told him and it turns out ED was with him... IN B&N!!!!!!!!! Hahaha right across the street!!! lol so they met up w/ us like, 10 minutes later... and still, no one came to the counter!!! haha though the three of us did have fun w/ the balloons on sticks that was near by hahaha.
So eventually, we had to ask an employee to get the counter person. She came over and took our flower orders. After that, EE (guy) dropped me off at home, and LG and ED went off somewhere. Haha though, LG called me when I got home to see if I wanted to hang our for like, another hour before we all went to the Melting Pot, but, I was like, naaaaaaaaah cuz we would run out of time before we knew it and I had to be home cuz I was getting a ride from EU to the Melting POT.
Haha so EU accidently overslept, and picked me up kinda late, and the bit of congestion on the road didn't help lol, so we got there like, 20 minutes late hahaha. Haha our friends who were already there kept calling us to ask where we were lol.
Soooooooo the Melting Pot was a pretty fancy place. High tech equipment, clean, wines, and fancy... assortments hahaha. It was a fondue place, for like, dipping stuff into cheese and chocolate and stuff. Haha I had a pretty good time there. It was me, LG, ED, YU, AN, EE (girl) who came late cuz of her meet, and AH. Haha the food was pretty fancy... and gooooooooooooood. Shrip and meat and pork and stuff.... apples, cheese with other stuff, fried and boiled pot things... yea. goooooooooooooooood. Hahaha it was pretty fun! We all talked and learned how to eat fondue food!!! XD
So what you do it use a long fork utensil, securely stab the piece of food onto the pointy fork end and dip the food into the... dipping.... pot.... lol and eat the food w/o touching it with your mouth. Easy enough. Eventually, (there were two dipping pots in the table) the waiters brought out one pot for us to cook in oil, and one pot for us to fry our food in after dipping the food into some sauce.
Haha it was good. AHHHHHHHH it was good... but at one point, I accidentally took AN's fork, and ate the food on it!!! ><" AHHHHHHHH it was an accident!!! The color of her fork (cuz the handles of all of our forks were different) looked like mine under the light. I guess I didn't look closely ><><><. Sooooooooo after we all realized her fork was missing, we al realized what happened and then AN gave me this evil glare!!! AUUUUUUUGH!!!! I apologized a lot and covered my red face w/ the desert menu I happened to be looking at. ^^" Ahhhhhhh she kept glaring for a while and complained about how she wanted the shrimp of hers I ate... which was actually the last shrimp. >< SORRY AN!!!
haha but I think I redeemed myself a bit in her eyes, not that she really thought what happened was a big deal. I don't think she really cared that much. Like after we ate most of the desert, there was only one piece of a particular desert left, so I asked AN if she wanted to have it. Lol she smiled and said no thanks, and said that I became obedient. Thanks? hahaha well, w/e. At least I she seemed okay with me now. I really think she was. XD
Haha the desert was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO good. like half of us ate desert from one pot which had a mix of white and dark chocolate to dip brownies, cheesecake, and marshmellows into, and the other half (including me) dipped the same foods into a pot with a dip of SMORES!!!! Chocolate and graham crackers!!! OMG. SO GOOOOOOOOOD. Haha I dipped marshmellows into it, FINALL completing my wish of eating smores. XDXDXD. I ate a lot of the remaining chocolate in the pot too. Hahaha sweet tooth!!! I felt really full afterwards... but it was worth it :D
Haha so soon enough, we all went outside. YU, AH, ED, and AN left together cuz they were al going to Philly for the 3 day weekend to hang out together haha lucky!!! The rest of us stayed and walked around for a bit to digest. We soon got bored, and decided to drive back to holmdel and to the park to hang out some more.
Haha but when we got there, the park was already closing down, and we got kicked out by the park rangers. hahaha. I talked to LG on my cell and we decided to head to B&N to hang out for a bit longer. Soooooooo EU dropped me off at my house cuz he wanted to go home and take nap and I drove myself to the Commons.
I met with them inside B&N. Haha but I had to search for them for a bit. lol I would've got the super good, sweet mocha frappachino at the starbucks there, but I was too full from the chocolate hahaha.
We walked around for a bit while RE (her nick name) asked her mom if she could stay out longer. Her mom told her that she had to be home by... 9:30 I think. Lol so we kept walking, and that's when I told them about the problem I had with those security things that are near the entrances of any store. The thing that beeps if you're stealing something.
Weeeeeeeell the problem with me was that I beeped... almost ALL the time hahaha. Entering or exiting, I kept triggering the alram system. Hahaha this problem made things interesting when I hung out with my friends. On the other hand, I had deal with some employees for a few seconds... oh and just the fact that I beeped (when I was alone) bothered me lol.
Haha so RE suggested that maybe my wallet was the problem. So, I put all the things in my wallet through the security system thing near the music section of B&N and nothing happened... until I walked through it hahaha. The employee at the counter said that maybe there was a sticker from another store in my wallet! Haha and she found it!!!! o.o ... XD
After struggling to get the sticker out, the employee gave me back my wallet. I thanked her wand returned to my friends. Hahaha turns out that the sticker was in this REAAAAAAAAAALLY well hidden place. ^^" Haha in the past, an employee there had told me that maybe there was a sticker on my pants lol. Now I know why I never found one. :D
Haha this situation led to some funny talks. =D
So we spent about an hour at the Commons. After FINALLY solving my beeping problem, the three of us went out, walked a bit, and sat on a bench. Haha LG layed on the bench, and RE sat... on his chest hahaha. The only way he could breath was to tighten his torso muscles hahaha. It's fun to watch these kind of things hahaha.
So eventually, the three of us sat on the bench, and spent like, 30 minutes there talking and laughing. I checked my watch a few times, and really, it seemed like time was going really slowly. Which was good, cuz it meant having more time to enjoy our time there :)
Soon enough, it was time to go. And so, we all went home. I had a lot of fun =)
I've Lost... My Stern Face
So when I tried to make a stern face in english class today... I found that... I couldn't
OMG, I actually couldn't
This is big news, seriously. Like, just a few months ago, I was able to make myself look stern, like during times when my parents were bothering me by talking to me about stuff. But... I CAN'T MAKE THAT FACE ANYMORE!!!!
And that's when I realized... I've been so happy lately, that... I've lost the ability to make my face look/feel stern. Like, moving my face around to make myself look stern doesn't feel natural anymore!!! o.o I was kinda shocked. My face muscles... feel relaxed, not tense like they are when I'm in a less then good mood.
I...I just can't make my face stern... I can't believe it... I guess... I've become accustomed to the good things in my life. I haven't had a real bad time with my parents, I've been hanging out with my friends like mad, I don't get bad grades (cuz I haven't taken a test in a while), I haven't had much schoolwork... all these things together (but mostly the time w/ friends thing) have made me... happier =)
It's kinda strange... but I don't think that this is really a bad thing.
Haha My mom has told me in the past to stop looking so stern, but I kept saying that a stern face was my default face after all the years of annoying stuff I've had to deal with. But a few years back, I've tried to give off a more happy appearance. Like, keep my eyes more that half open, relax my face muscles, and smile more.
haha I've gotten pretty good at my happy appearance. I guess this ia part of the reason why I lost my forced stern look. lol the only drawback is that I ALWAYS smile when I start to talk w/ my friends, so I'm worried that I might unconciously be smiling when we're talking about a bad or sad topic. ^^" I'm working on that now. Getting more facial expressions... being more relaxed with myself and others, adults, peers, random passerbys, everyone.
I guess this is one thing that I can list for how I've changed myself for the better. =)
OMG, I actually couldn't
This is big news, seriously. Like, just a few months ago, I was able to make myself look stern, like during times when my parents were bothering me by talking to me about stuff. But... I CAN'T MAKE THAT FACE ANYMORE!!!!
And that's when I realized... I've been so happy lately, that... I've lost the ability to make my face look/feel stern. Like, moving my face around to make myself look stern doesn't feel natural anymore!!! o.o I was kinda shocked. My face muscles... feel relaxed, not tense like they are when I'm in a less then good mood.
I...I just can't make my face stern... I can't believe it... I guess... I've become accustomed to the good things in my life. I haven't had a real bad time with my parents, I've been hanging out with my friends like mad, I don't get bad grades (cuz I haven't taken a test in a while), I haven't had much schoolwork... all these things together (but mostly the time w/ friends thing) have made me... happier =)
It's kinda strange... but I don't think that this is really a bad thing.
Haha My mom has told me in the past to stop looking so stern, but I kept saying that a stern face was my default face after all the years of annoying stuff I've had to deal with. But a few years back, I've tried to give off a more happy appearance. Like, keep my eyes more that half open, relax my face muscles, and smile more.
haha I've gotten pretty good at my happy appearance. I guess this ia part of the reason why I lost my forced stern look. lol the only drawback is that I ALWAYS smile when I start to talk w/ my friends, so I'm worried that I might unconciously be smiling when we're talking about a bad or sad topic. ^^" I'm working on that now. Getting more facial expressions... being more relaxed with myself and others, adults, peers, random passerbys, everyone.
I guess this is one thing that I can list for how I've changed myself for the better. =)
English Class Has Been Sooooo Fun Lately
So I had an interesting English class today. Recently, my English teacher had been on the edge, getting angry and frustrated with the class. Oh, and me too.
Haha so last Friday, she called on me to say what magical realism was. I never could retain the definition of realism. Wait, is it just a story with realistic elements...? lol
hmmm dictionary website says basically that, but a bit more smart sounding. ops. ahhh well, never could get that smart sounding part down.
lol ANNNNNNNNNYWAYS, I was drawing a blank, and though there were a few distractions, she ultimately stayed on me. Apparently, it was a preeeeeeeeeety painful spetacle. :P She was like "Come on, just say a sentece with the words "magical" and "realism" in it. I justsat there and smiled a little. ^^" Someone told me later that I looked scared. I was kinda surprised. I didn't think I even HAD a scared face. haha though I can imagen it.... kinda. More like a fake scared face.
Anyways, I was a bit proud of myslef that I was able to have a decent amount of self control in this annoying situation. Usually, my face turns red, I get a bit fidgety, and I can't speak well. This time, I remembered to do a little thing that gives me some confidence: lightly hitting my chest with a loose fist. It's like, well, the action calms me down and arouses some strength. When you get nervous or sad or whatever, you get a bad feeling in your chest right? Same thing goes for good feelings, you have a good feeling in your chest. Heart, Soul, Spirit? Whatever the case, I guess this is kinda a logical reason why this chest hitting thing works for me.
Moving on, the teacher would just NOT let up on me! She focused on me for like, 15 minutes...maybe less in reality, but not by much. She was like, "would you like your classmate to help you out?" I was like: "sure." So the kid answers the question: It's realism that has magical elements. -.-" I could've said something THAT simple... though I might've sounded a bit dumber. I thought she wanted a better answer. Plus, I was kinda disoriented when she called me, since I let my mind wander to pass the time, and hope she doesn't call me. Unfortunetly, that day, the kid in front of me was absent, so I guess the teach had a clear view of me.
After asked my classmate to help me out, she asked me to answer ANOTHER question. Gezz what happened to moving onto the next kid to call on after 10 seconds of non response? I was bsically quiet when she waited for me to answer, starting off on sentences and mumbling and all those signs that you want the teacher to move on to the next kid to call on.
Weeeeeeeeeeell she asked me a question of the book we were reading, and lucky me, I was chosen out of the whole class of non readers to answer her question. I read some of the book, but I was behind. Weeeeeeeeeeeell, after giving her a response, which was wrong, she FINALLY gave up on me and answered the question herself. She then asked another kid a question, but he couldn't answer her.
And so, the teacher went on a rant about how we should be reading like she says and blah blah blah. But I kinda got a vibe from my classmates that said this: We don't care. And when she gets "angry" at us, she doesn't look or even sound angry. No, she just raises her voice and speaks sarcastically for a while. At least it seems like a while. I've found that I've been lacking in patient with angry adults.
Okay, so eventually, I recovered from my time in class, and was able to joke around w/ the situation later.
haha AHHHHHHHHH went on a huge tanget. I didn't even talk about what happened today!!! lol so in the middle of class, my teacher got all riled up again. But this time there wasn't much of a cause. She got angered by the lack of participation in class and the got angrier when I think she recalled what happened in class last friday. Haha apparently, when she said something about not reading the material, she looked at me. My friend told me this, but I didn't notice, cuz I always look down at my notes in that class. Not sure it that actually happened since that friend likes to mess with me a bit, or she ends up messing with me lol.
Sooooooooooooo I think my teacher almost snapped today. Like, she nearly started to yell!!!! haha but I think she caught herself and went back to being all sarcastically mean.
I didn't really mind, but I felt like putting on my stern face. I wasn't really in a bad mood. More like a non-caring one. And it had been a while since I last made my face stern on purpose, so I decided to look stern.
BUT THEN, something happened... which I'll talk about in my next post, cuz this onbe is long enough already haha. ^^
Haha so last Friday, she called on me to say what magical realism was. I never could retain the definition of realism. Wait, is it just a story with realistic elements...? lol
hmmm dictionary website says basically that, but a bit more smart sounding. ops. ahhh well, never could get that smart sounding part down.
lol ANNNNNNNNNYWAYS, I was drawing a blank, and though there were a few distractions, she ultimately stayed on me. Apparently, it was a preeeeeeeeeety painful spetacle. :P She was like "Come on, just say a sentece with the words "magical" and "realism" in it. I justsat there and smiled a little. ^^" Someone told me later that I looked scared. I was kinda surprised. I didn't think I even HAD a scared face. haha though I can imagen it.... kinda. More like a fake scared face.
Anyways, I was a bit proud of myslef that I was able to have a decent amount of self control in this annoying situation. Usually, my face turns red, I get a bit fidgety, and I can't speak well. This time, I remembered to do a little thing that gives me some confidence: lightly hitting my chest with a loose fist. It's like, well, the action calms me down and arouses some strength. When you get nervous or sad or whatever, you get a bad feeling in your chest right? Same thing goes for good feelings, you have a good feeling in your chest. Heart, Soul, Spirit? Whatever the case, I guess this is kinda a logical reason why this chest hitting thing works for me.
Moving on, the teacher would just NOT let up on me! She focused on me for like, 15 minutes...maybe less in reality, but not by much. She was like, "would you like your classmate to help you out?" I was like: "sure." So the kid answers the question: It's realism that has magical elements. -.-" I could've said something THAT simple... though I might've sounded a bit dumber. I thought she wanted a better answer. Plus, I was kinda disoriented when she called me, since I let my mind wander to pass the time, and hope she doesn't call me. Unfortunetly, that day, the kid in front of me was absent, so I guess the teach had a clear view of me.
After asked my classmate to help me out, she asked me to answer ANOTHER question. Gezz what happened to moving onto the next kid to call on after 10 seconds of non response? I was bsically quiet when she waited for me to answer, starting off on sentences and mumbling and all those signs that you want the teacher to move on to the next kid to call on.
Weeeeeeeeeeell she asked me a question of the book we were reading, and lucky me, I was chosen out of the whole class of non readers to answer her question. I read some of the book, but I was behind. Weeeeeeeeeeeell, after giving her a response, which was wrong, she FINALLY gave up on me and answered the question herself. She then asked another kid a question, but he couldn't answer her.
And so, the teacher went on a rant about how we should be reading like she says and blah blah blah. But I kinda got a vibe from my classmates that said this: We don't care. And when she gets "angry" at us, she doesn't look or even sound angry. No, she just raises her voice and speaks sarcastically for a while. At least it seems like a while. I've found that I've been lacking in patient with angry adults.
Okay, so eventually, I recovered from my time in class, and was able to joke around w/ the situation later.
haha AHHHHHHHHH went on a huge tanget. I didn't even talk about what happened today!!! lol so in the middle of class, my teacher got all riled up again. But this time there wasn't much of a cause. She got angered by the lack of participation in class and the got angrier when I think she recalled what happened in class last friday. Haha apparently, when she said something about not reading the material, she looked at me. My friend told me this, but I didn't notice, cuz I always look down at my notes in that class. Not sure it that actually happened since that friend likes to mess with me a bit, or she ends up messing with me lol.
Sooooooooooooo I think my teacher almost snapped today. Like, she nearly started to yell!!!! haha but I think she caught herself and went back to being all sarcastically mean.
I didn't really mind, but I felt like putting on my stern face. I wasn't really in a bad mood. More like a non-caring one. And it had been a while since I last made my face stern on purpose, so I decided to look stern.
BUT THEN, something happened... which I'll talk about in my next post, cuz this onbe is long enough already haha. ^^
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Dreams
I haven't dreamed well in years. And what I mean by that is that my dreams are always kinda hazy when I have them, and when I wake up I always forget them. It's like, the second I wake up, the tv that's presenting the show of my dream is turned off, before I get the chance to take it in in the slightest.
Haha maybe not the best comparison, but really, after I wake up from a dream, I remember a bit of it... then one fact to two... and then it's gone completely. And when I try to recall it, I feel like there's a dark void in my head where the memory of my dream used to be. I wasn't always like this. When I was a kid, I hadmore vivid dreams, and I remebered them too. But they weren't exactly good dreams. One time when I was kid, I had one of those bad dreams where you can't find your parents. I was in my elementary school lunch room and it was packed with ppl, and somehow the windows near the ceiling had become glass windows from which ppl on the nonexistent second floor were. I saw my mom up there, but when I took a second look, she was gone. I fantically pushed my way through the crowd trying to find her and I woke up. I ran to my parent's room crying saying "I had a dream that I tried to find you, but you were gone." Typical little kid thing. Haha I still remember what happened so well.
Haha another kid dream I still remember is a dream where I flew in the air. I was running on my old street then a truck was coming towards me. I ran toward it, and as I ran I started to rise up into the air. So I was flying but, in order to fly, I had to keep the running motion. Haha image what the bed sheets were like when I woke up lol (actually they weren't really messed up, though I think I WAS kicking in my sleep). haha so I don't know it I was flying or jumping cuz after a got over the truck I slowed my pace and started falling down. I don't remember if the dream ended there of if I actually ran faster and started to rise up again. In any case, I remember that interesting dream even today.
Anyways, though I don't remember them, my dreams nowadays seem to consist of me doing something adventurous or action-y or something. Something interesting. Haha They've even included love. Haha but I think that's cuz I've been watching/reading/etc stuff online and on tv and manga/stuff. But still, I think it's nice to have dreams, though I seems like it can be kinda tiring, taking away from a peaceful night's sleep. I still think it would be nice to have dreams. Haha maybe if I had a dream, I could stop and think to myself, hey I'm dreaming, and do something.
Haha actaully, once, when I was a bit older than a little kid, I think I had a dream but I realized it was a dream and the dream dissapated, and I was stuck in blackness. I knew that physically, I was laying on my back, arms along my sides, as if I was standing. But I was like this mentally too. In the blackness, I was like, in the same position I was phycially. Haha so in this condition, I was like, "hmm this is pretty cool/interesting! Let's see if I can wkae myself up... hmm come on..." and soon enough, woke up!! :D That was an interesting experience! hahaha
I heard that a certain vitamin and that sleeping in a certain direction towards the sun can cause dreams, but I never really looked into that. I guess I've just haven't bothered with it for all these years, mostly cuz it wasn't really important and that I didn't relaly care that much. I just think that it'd be interesting. haha ^^
Haha maybe not the best comparison, but really, after I wake up from a dream, I remember a bit of it... then one fact to two... and then it's gone completely. And when I try to recall it, I feel like there's a dark void in my head where the memory of my dream used to be. I wasn't always like this. When I was a kid, I hadmore vivid dreams, and I remebered them too. But they weren't exactly good dreams. One time when I was kid, I had one of those bad dreams where you can't find your parents. I was in my elementary school lunch room and it was packed with ppl, and somehow the windows near the ceiling had become glass windows from which ppl on the nonexistent second floor were. I saw my mom up there, but when I took a second look, she was gone. I fantically pushed my way through the crowd trying to find her and I woke up. I ran to my parent's room crying saying "I had a dream that I tried to find you, but you were gone." Typical little kid thing. Haha I still remember what happened so well.
Haha another kid dream I still remember is a dream where I flew in the air. I was running on my old street then a truck was coming towards me. I ran toward it, and as I ran I started to rise up into the air. So I was flying but, in order to fly, I had to keep the running motion. Haha image what the bed sheets were like when I woke up lol (actually they weren't really messed up, though I think I WAS kicking in my sleep). haha so I don't know it I was flying or jumping cuz after a got over the truck I slowed my pace and started falling down. I don't remember if the dream ended there of if I actually ran faster and started to rise up again. In any case, I remember that interesting dream even today.
Anyways, though I don't remember them, my dreams nowadays seem to consist of me doing something adventurous or action-y or something. Something interesting. Haha They've even included love. Haha but I think that's cuz I've been watching/reading/etc stuff online and on tv and manga/stuff. But still, I think it's nice to have dreams, though I seems like it can be kinda tiring, taking away from a peaceful night's sleep. I still think it would be nice to have dreams. Haha maybe if I had a dream, I could stop and think to myself, hey I'm dreaming, and do something.
Haha actaully, once, when I was a bit older than a little kid, I think I had a dream but I realized it was a dream and the dream dissapated, and I was stuck in blackness. I knew that physically, I was laying on my back, arms along my sides, as if I was standing. But I was like this mentally too. In the blackness, I was like, in the same position I was phycially. Haha so in this condition, I was like, "hmm this is pretty cool/interesting! Let's see if I can wkae myself up... hmm come on..." and soon enough, woke up!! :D That was an interesting experience! hahaha
I heard that a certain vitamin and that sleeping in a certain direction towards the sun can cause dreams, but I never really looked into that. I guess I've just haven't bothered with it for all these years, mostly cuz it wasn't really important and that I didn't relaly care that much. I just think that it'd be interesting. haha ^^
Always Says Hi!!!
Hahaha so I have a freshman friend called EG. I don't get to see her much, but occasionally, when I pass by her in the hallway, we always greet each other. Now, I know, this doesn't seem like a big deal, right? But it kinda is.
You see, I'm sure ppl know what I'm talking about, when you're in the crowded hallway and ur passing by a friend, you could do a number of things. You could decide ahh I don't wanna or feel like talking to this guy, and look straight ahead or elsewhere, to avoid making eyecontact with the person. Or maybe you say "hi" to a friend, but this friend doesn't notice you and doesn't say a word and continues to walk. OR maybe you make eyecontact for a breif moment, but then the two of you look away. OR maybe you notice the friend too late and realize that it's to late to saya breif greeting.
But with EG, even if I accidently/purposely don't notice her, she always says "hi" to me anyways!!! =) I like that about her. It's a simple thing, yea, but it kinda seems like more to me. It's like, by always greeting me despite the sitiuation, she's keeping our friendship alive. It's also just plain nice to hear a greeting from a friend.
I just think that EG almost always saying "hi" is great! =)
You see, I'm sure ppl know what I'm talking about, when you're in the crowded hallway and ur passing by a friend, you could do a number of things. You could decide ahh I don't wanna or feel like talking to this guy, and look straight ahead or elsewhere, to avoid making eyecontact with the person. Or maybe you say "hi" to a friend, but this friend doesn't notice you and doesn't say a word and continues to walk. OR maybe you make eyecontact for a breif moment, but then the two of you look away. OR maybe you notice the friend too late and realize that it's to late to saya breif greeting.
But with EG, even if I accidently/purposely don't notice her, she always says "hi" to me anyways!!! =) I like that about her. It's a simple thing, yea, but it kinda seems like more to me. It's like, by always greeting me despite the sitiuation, she's keeping our friendship alive. It's also just plain nice to hear a greeting from a friend.
I just think that EG almost always saying "hi" is great! =)
Jealous
In my whole life, I've only been jealous of one thing other people had that I didn't: the ability to get along with others with ease. I look at other people, and they're all buddy buddy even though they aren't even friends! One time, I made a friend with someone, but even now never really made a connection with her, but she later made another friend, and did what I couldn't in only a fraction of the time!!! What's with that!?!?! There's also a friend of mine LG, who get's along with everybody so well!!! It's not just him, other people too!!!
Why?! Why is it like this!?!! What's the difference between us??!? Why is this guy so likable?!? How do they get along so well... so easily?!?! Questions like these faintly haunt me nowadays... not enough to truly bother me, but enough to be annoying. In the past, and even now, I've tended to be awkward with people. It's like there's no spark to even start a lasting conversation. This part of me has really been killing me over the years. Of course, I've gotten some better social skills recently, and I'm glad that I've been making progress, but I feel that a bulk of the issue is still here, annoying/haunting me.
I guess this brings me back to a previous post, the one about me not having really close friends. I seriously wish I had a few friends that I really connected with, got along with, hung out a lot with. Some guys who really understood me, and me really understanding them. I'm tired of the broad friendships that I've made over the years. Not that I don't like them, they're great and enjoyable. But still, having close friends... I think that would be really great.
Why?! Why is it like this!?!! What's the difference between us??!? Why is this guy so likable?!? How do they get along so well... so easily?!?! Questions like these faintly haunt me nowadays... not enough to truly bother me, but enough to be annoying. In the past, and even now, I've tended to be awkward with people. It's like there's no spark to even start a lasting conversation. This part of me has really been killing me over the years. Of course, I've gotten some better social skills recently, and I'm glad that I've been making progress, but I feel that a bulk of the issue is still here, annoying/haunting me.
I guess this brings me back to a previous post, the one about me not having really close friends. I seriously wish I had a few friends that I really connected with, got along with, hung out a lot with. Some guys who really understood me, and me really understanding them. I'm tired of the broad friendships that I've made over the years. Not that I don't like them, they're great and enjoyable. But still, having close friends... I think that would be really great.
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